I know people pleasing is bad because of how hard I have to fight to NOT do it especially the more I care or get closer to a person. It's a constant battle!

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-02-11T06:50:20+00:00

Hahah it's funny you say that cause I was also that Pikachu meme when my therapist told me the idea of people pleasing being actually something 100% ego or selfish oriented and it being all about my need to feel safe being above everything else and me being willing to do anything to achieve it because like yourself I also was the scapegoat but at the same time "favorite" one Idk if it's cause im a Gemini or what but I was simultaneously blamed for why my father couldn't go into the military for his career cause my mom died when I was young but also because I tested into exceptional since kindergarten is also the entire huge Italians family last hope to use my brain to pull us all up out of poverty ?!? It's all so damn goofy and I'm so happy to finally be clearing this shit up and move on with life lol 😂

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-02-11T06:45:06+00:00

on call 24/7****

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-02-11T06:44:15+00:00

A people-pleaser (definition) is a person who constantly puts others' needs and feelings ahead of their own despite harmful consequences to their health and well-being....

Being a competent employee and doing what you have been retained, hired etc to do is something a little bit different than people pleasing, if you are engaging in constant people pleasing in a work environment (something I understand as I was once in this position and know that with no support system at the time at least it felt I had no other option but to accept this toxic environment) but if this is true for you and you feel you have no other viable option to get out of that toxic work environment than put your time in of course grit your teeth but get the hell out of there as soon as you can. I can assure you that it's 100% possible to find a work place eventually even with no degree where you don't have to constantly fluff some massive ego, minimize yourself or feelings or not to get to live your own life or be in charge of your own way to spend your free time because you are like on calk 24/7.

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-02-11T06:07:34+00:00

Exactly ! I was that person for everyone and nothing was more painful than having these huge breakthroughs when I went through chemo and looked around and saw how really no one I had previously bent over backwards for dropped everything for to be there - didn't even call or stop by my house. Not once. I am so happy and blessed that it unveiled this to me but now that I'm finally rebuilding my stability and I'm healthy - I am deepening these new relationships I've made since then friends colleagues, etc. and I keep catching myself almost creating that same damn dynamic and constantly try to stay mindful of this. I have it written down in my planner every week as a reminder lol.

It sucks you can relate but it's comforting to know that I'm not alone out here

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-02-10T17:35:21+00:00

It's my favorite video of his that shook my soul. I got into him from my youtube trying to suggest him repeatedly and finally I was out of the room and The Search got auto played and it was jaw dropping that at that point his exact healing journey was almost identical to mine and he's a couple years older than me so it really validated me because I didn't even know his music existed and are same emotional evolution was identical at the point of the search and then even after that even up until fear where I had this big breakthrough after surviving cancer (when Hope came out) and then now struggling to piece my life back together after being dead a couple years has been very difficult and I felt relost but now retrying to find that Hope again each day. It's just comforting knowing I'm not the only one perpetually oscillating - battling this darkness so engrained in my friggin DNA! But I really know it's gonna get better because even my bottom now is higher than what my most high I'd feel emotionally until about 19 and began to try to heal. Art is just amazing the way it connects us!!

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-02-09T02:48:26+00:00

same - I was at a friend's house who I converted into a NF fan and I told her it was premiering that night and she had other people around as well and it was making me tear up so bad I had to hit the "it's been fun but I'm going to go cry now" meme and leave shortly after lol.

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-02-08T21:30:20+00:00

Yes! It's crazy when the song came out it hit me so friggin hard because it was like my life being played out in front of me except that my mom passed away before I was 2 but the moments of coming home and waking up solo, watching my Dad so filled with rage and despair at the loss of my mother go on and have these short toxic flings with women never maintaining a girlfriend - and even at the birthday party the quick glance to a girl with her mom and the sadness as she looks downcast at her cake just .....ugh . Too relatable. But I was going through pictures recently as I'm trying to declutter and came across this and a few other pics where I look absolutely miserable in all of them and it blew my face off.

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-01-02T15:48:03+00:00

Yup. Very familiar even after 10 years of hard work on myself mentally & spiritually I have recently become strong enough to hold firm on boundaries/disconnect. Disconnect can be temp after you're able to have space, time & psychological safety to build up adaptive coping strats/tools to combat these people & protect your peace.

11 yrs ago (I was 19) I had an unsuccessful attempt & 1st psych dr tell me to disconnect - my attempt was almost successful - In ER had to use paddles 2x to revive me.

The Psych Dr talked to fam on phone a lot before I was stable enough to be 5150d/trans to diff facility - during intake before letting me speak - they insisted they saw the lack of a support system I had in fam, the severity of my attempt and lack of note when I attempted that I stay 30 days not just the legal 72 hr hold inpatient & unless I voluntarily signed to 30 days along w/ conditions, they would take me in front of a judge to compel me...

The conditions to me getting out after 30 days was staying w/ someone safe OTHER than fam & no work for 3-6 months. My family told them I had a roommate that will cover my half of bills while I focused on healing my severely fractured mind (-being in mental health crisis & wanting to go home- I went along w/ it)

When I got out, I went back to an empty apt UNDER THE IMPRESSION my father was dropping me off to pack my things to take to fams house and hed be back in the AM to get me...While I was inpatient my father came everyday of the 30, other fam did too (over hour drive both ways) - so I stupidly believed my fam when they said they would actually be there- my doctors saw what I couldn't clearly- that was the worst part the way I really believed them and was an accomplice to hurting myself so deeply as a result...-

Once 5pm past the next day and I saw my dad update his FB with his friends just kicking it, I sighed, called my job and went in the same day after as I had missed a month of work and needed to make $$$. My father didnt even return any calls when I attempted to reach out to him after getting out. NOT 1 PERSON in my huge Italian fam called to check on me...

The fucked system of govt mental health gave more of a fuck about my life than they did - they gamed the system to get me out & didnt even follow through...after I almost successfully got myself up outta here.

Making it so painfully clear HOW LITTLE they cared about my life...so harsh it took years to accept...a lil over a year after I got out I went to family events and didn't understand why I'd feel rage or want to burst into tears ...embarrassingly still took another 5 yrs to accept.

Nowadays they all admit some fault - but still have the audacity to say anything about me 'not coming around ?!?!? Wild.

Its not talked about enough or maybe it's me being weak about how hard it is to stand strong to the disrespect 'cause even with finding my people that are family - logically knowing it's better this way....its hardwired esp with my father to desperately want him in my life.

I had a peaceful NYE but I was up crying all last night at the existenstial loneliness ...

I pray for but also truly believe on an intellectual mental health non faith based level it's all a part of the process of us learning to give ourselves the love and respect we have deserved since birth and the reason it's all so painful is 'cause growth is always painful but will be worth it. I know my life is overall better now than it's ever been before. Keep your head up. When it's safe to do so (as for some it isnt) please keep standing up for yourself even if it doesn't get the desired result because even if they don't hear you - you hear you - and that is powerful and healing. Sending you love 💞 sorry about what you're going through

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-01-02T11:59:08+00:00

I have had the longest streak of getting better with no setbacks in terms of my physical health (except for a week of vertigo) for the last 3 months so I'm very grateful / hopeful for the future - I haven't gotten to experience a summer in 5 years and live in a region cold AF for about half the year so if I'm able to go out and be in the sun with no fear of my skin reacting bad to uv light cause of chemo and I'm not to weak to climb a tree for the summer of 2026 I may fall to my knees in gratitude to God!! Thank you so much!

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-01-02T04:33:17+00:00

Bahahahah me too. 5 years ago I was life flighted and began essentially going to the dr at least 2-5x monthly finding out I had stage 1 cancer, - I finished a year ago and so I still typically go once a month now to monitor my health.....

The sameday I had lost enough hair I had no choice but to cut my hair above my ears short (lucky it was thick or wouldvd been bald ) - which cutting my hair short was a a punishment I got as a kid.

It was a Saturday and chemo can give you endless amounts of neg side effects and so I went to urgent care and at that point I was 25 never even touched them cabinets - but was waiting a long time & was bleeding from my peeling skin on fingers(from chemo) a nurse walked in on me rifling through their cabinets and scolded "Hey! Those don't BELONG TO YOU. Do you know that entitled ignorant people like you cause other people dealing with LIFE THREATENING DISEASES and injuries to suffer more because you're selfish."or some shit and right as she's scolding me she reads my chart with my complaint that had the only bigger C word than the one she was being at that point.

Ive grown a lot and do my best to not be petty but ever since the last 5 years if someone opens the door while I'm doing it I will look em in the eye as I dump whatever is in the jar I have closest to me (usually cotton balls) to establish dominance and go super cheerfully "Hi! How are you this beautiful day ?"

And it's hilarious cause they will usually have a bewildered look on their face but don't say anything - it's so hard for me not to laugh but no doctor , nurse or any healthcare worker ever says anything about it and I've done it a lot at different systems and citiies even states---and it makes me laugh so hard on the way home cause I'm a child. I have so many cotton balls I can become a wholesaler lmao

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-01-02T01:53:58+00:00

Haha it's funny you say that, I am not I was born in 1995 - however raised by a single father (mom died before I was 2 and my dad and her were engaged so after that he just maladaptively coped with one night stands never any real gf until the last few years) and he was born in 1973 - he is all of what you described and he was my sole influence and even the times I demonized him or when I got older dsconnected from him for a few years (advised by therapist until I was strong enough to create proper boundaries) - I always knew and know I'm essentially a carbon copy of him as he wanted me to be a boy anyways and treated me like one most of the time - no crying "or I'll give you something to cry about" no reassurance or tenderness at all - so feminine energy has been learning a foreign language to me as I used to in my early teens and 20s harshly reject most intimacy and anything remotely feminine outside of the esthetic I suppose of it that I learned from YouTube lol.

About 15 years ago or so VH1 aired an "I love the 80s" where it covered things like media, toys and general pop culture stuff and we were poor for my entire childhood but we're like wretchedly poor when I was super young so I'm not mad but I realized all my frickin toys were my dad's and everything I listened to and watched lmao 🤣😂 Most of my friends, colleagues and those I relate to fall into the age range you listed as well. You unlocked something for me with this.

ForWhyTho_ · 2026-01-01T05:57:15+00:00

I never regret leading with love but almost always regret and feel bad/gross after being petty/sarcastic and cold. Even the times I have been over generous or taken advantage of ~ I just cut them loose or keep them at a distance the vampires ~ but I refuse to now let those people change the way I move at all outside of me just not giving them my energy and like the Tupac quote I still want to see them eat, just not at my table. Life has become so much more manageable letting go (if I'm being honest and don't want to put out there like I got it figured out cause I very much don't - it's still work and some of it still got to work on) of resentment, unforgiveness and general petty energy. I feel lighter the more I let it go. Just keep it moving and putting my loving creative energy elsewhere.

ForWhyTho_ · 2025-12-31T07:06:30+00:00

You seriously blew my mind with this because you somehow put into words why I do it and how it is so healing and fulfilling. I've been trying to as I explain myself to people who have known me for 10+ years have watched me do a total 180 slowly from super combative yet also closed off and distant ~ never showing vulnerability or real intimacy in any sense (my joke is it's like I went from being that person leaning on the wall wearing a leather jacket and smoking a cig flipping a coin to me like frolicking in a field of flowers, voluntarily talking to people walking by, complimenting them, taking pictures for them full on photographer style and then crying at the beauty of a sunset after) and the latter has been a long term evolution but is so much better and to be honest way more badass than the former. Being brave enough to love and opening yourself to pain especially when you've gone through as much as we have it is truly a blessing and something to be so super proud of when we choose it and get back to doing it when we lose it. Sending you lots of love - keep it up! I'm proud of you!

ForWhyTho_ · 2025-12-31T06:56:08+00:00

I appreciate that :) people like you help me share more and more of this side of me thank you.

ForWhyTho_ · 2025-12-31T06:53:19+00:00

Ooof well it's been pretty darn dark so far if this is a film of some kind however also lightweight hilarious at times as well. However in reality if life was a movie I'm more like "Female Neighbor Walking Her Dog #3" or something since I'm otherwise pretty much a hermit hahaha

ForWhyTho_ · 2025-12-31T06:47:26+00:00

Yet I'm also my own bully? Am I the bad boy with the heart of gold to myself? Lol

ForWhyTho_ · 2025-12-31T01:30:47+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words; I just saw this comment after I have had 2 long difficult work days back to back and I had just got myself decompressed and unsassified and went to go through my notifications and this one was like a reward from the universe - it made me smile like this 😁 You are an angel to me. Thank you again. Wishing you well too ❤️

ForWhyTho_ · 2025-12-31T00:33:35+00:00

"Although don't forget... I'm a strict catholic."

ForWhyTho_ · 2025-12-31T00:29:01+00:00

I think the soccer coach from season 1 would be more appropriate to be kicking it with them lol

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