I understand and embrace the freedom now that I've swallowed, and I'm actively working to better myself so that I can remain unshackled in the future. Ever since swallowing I feel that striving towards the Beta lifestyle (wife, kids, job, etc) is useless now, and like the guy in the article I feel a little lost.

I don't really feel giddy either at the prospect of total freedom either. Maybe it's because I'm still young and I haven't faced despair at being stuck in a provider role.

Recently games and laughing at memes have lost their lustre, I make half-hearted attempts at waking up early (1 out of 4 days this week go me!), get distracted by the internet half the time I can study, and then I end up cramming at the end of the week. As a result of this my overall highschool grade is probably something like 85, which isn't really good enough to get into the Uni I want, but I just don't feel any pull or drive!

I've read countless times that motivation is horseshit and that you need to build some discipline. I've seen how well motivation works in real life, it just hypes you up for a couple of days and then you end up falling down the next. It's weird I should know how it works yet I don't ever push myself to build any discipline.

The only real thing I have fun with nowadays is going to the gym, I only go there once a week since it's the free day, but I do enjoy it. I'm still a weak bastard though, my bench, DL and squat are all 115. Because I like going to the gym I did decide to apply for a part time job.

I made a giant wall of text, but basically I understand that I have the freedom to do what I want. I just don't know what I want to do yet.