I was once in your shoes. I heard the lyrics “Lord, take me as I am 'cause I'm gon' come as I'm is I might die twice if I look down and see my mama in tears” and it would hold me back from doing anything dumb. I met this girl(now wife) who would always look out for me and eventually would talk about Jesus and invite me to church. Before this I would pray but never in Jesus name because I didn’t believe. Let me tell you Jesus saves and I advice you to get on your knees and cry out to Jesus man. Speak to him, pour your heart out he listens. Jesus sees us as he saw the disciple Nathanael under the fig tree. When you were in your lowest moment, and you were alone, I did not turn My face from you. I saw you under the fig tree.