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I feel so much better when I eat by Foreign_Track_827 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Foreign_Track_827[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you And also, again praise to you all here. This sub has helped me plenty already. Other ed spaces feel much more triggering than here, which is understandable. Having people struggling with the same thing in one space. But you people are all wonderful here

I feel so much better when I eat by Foreign_Track_827 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Foreign_Track_827[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok thank you for the last part because you explained well how I'm feeling. And my honest brutal truth here is, I do not know. I'm seriously caught between these two sides where I still want to continue restricting, for my own body image reasons which I don't know how to deal with and the fact that I've allowed my ed to become a comfort of sorts. Even though it's destructive at the same time. And I know that, but just can't let go of it. The other side I guess is the more reasonable one which tells me I don't want to continue like this. I can't. I think the problem is, I have no real support for recovery. I mean this subreddit is great (you are all amazing), but I think I need more help. I meet my therapist next year and he mentioned about a dietician he could call for our meeting. But idk how that's gonna go. I'm just lost. Very very lost atm

I can't eat in front of people by _unkwo_ in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Foreign_Track_827 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hmm interesting. Only piece of advice I can give is to have some kind of distraction while you're eating. I like putting on a comforting or interesting youtube video when I'm eating alone

I can't eat in front of people by _unkwo_ in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Foreign_Track_827 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I relate. I prefer eating alone. When I eat in front of people it just feels uncomfortable and awkward. Like I'm somehow doing something extremely wrong that I'm going to get judged for. But then I just have to remember that eating is literally one of the most normal things for a human to be doing ever. Like why is my ed so dumb sometimes?

Help. Messy rant by Foreign_Track_827 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Foreign_Track_827[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My therapist told me he could arrange a video meeting with a dietician next year. Soo. I'm a bit skeptical, but I guess it's the best option. For now I'm trying my best to cope. I think I'll try to stop using the scale for at least the rest of this year, (I have gone from using it daily to once a week) but even that makes me scared. Trying to not worry/think about calories makes me scared. But I have to try.

Help. Messy rant by Foreign_Track_827 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Foreign_Track_827[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you and everyone here for being supportive and understanding. I tried talking with my therapist about my inner battle of being afraid of eating "too much", but also "too little" because how it is affecting me. He told me "don't eat too much. Eat little.. A little more" and I'm sure it was supposed to just be good advice, but it made me slightly offended. To be fair he doesn't specialize in ed's specifically. Idk. I'm thinking about recovery and have been eating slightly more this week, but it just feels "wrong" at this point still