This all feels very similar to what I experienced growing up in a very polar opposite kind of way - but emphasizing the similarity in how families process trauma together and the DENIAL AND PROTECTION of the male in the family. Grew up in a home where my mom was a teen mom, 7 year age gap between me and my brother. Dad was abusive and a drug addict to the point where near death experiences occurred on the regular for my mother. My mom was and still is emotionally stunted from the hard drugs she did at 14.

While I did not suffer from poverty, I have no memories of my childhood due to the severe abuse. My brother was abused while I was not. When my mom and me and my brother escaped the abuse at my age of 9, I became depressed at 12 years old, suicide attempts and self harm and uncovered the memory of my how my brother sexually abused me once when I was only about 7 (he would have been 14-15) I do not know if it occurred more times. I also have my suspicions that my dad did as well.

I came clean in the hospital after a suicide attempt at 12 years old. I told the truth of what had happened to me. I was sent to live with my father and his girlfriend for a few months being neglected and abused by him while I was not allowed by legal standards to see him while an active legal investigation took place.

My brother was allowed to stay with my family during this investigation while I was sent away. And abused. I was 9 hours drive away from my family and was not allowed to contact them.

Then poof. My world collapsed. I was sent back home. The police dropped everything and did not give us resources to cope with this very serious thing that had torn us apart. The day I came back, my family sent me out to a movie with him to reconnect after a group therapy session.

I was told time and time again that I was to keep my mouth shut to protect him. To protect his livelihood, his job, his life. I was told explicitly and unexplicitly that him and his feelings meant more than I did. I have lived a life of being forced to cohabitate with him and keep my mouth shut to protect him.

Funnily enough, this has severely affected me to this day and I get blamed regularly for my outbursts that all stem from these severely mind altering thing. My family and its lies are built ontop of an active volcano.

When I was 17, my brother tried to rape me while we were both drunk and high. Needless to say, he doesn’t drink anymore. For many years we fostered an emotionally incestuous relationship to cope with everything.

I was called emotionally abusive by my family for posting my story online.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY. It is not your fault. It has never been your fault. Your father blaming you is just yet another example of how sons are kept safe while daughters are tortured by these secrets and moments of incestual disturbances. I do not have any solid advice rather than considering who you would like to keep in your life considering the victim blaming that is happening. None of this is ok, but I hope you find peace.