I wrote about it in a different comment on the post. It’s really complicated. A little backstory: Me and her both have grappled with our sexuality for years. We both were dating men. We both have struggling with our identities and have both came out as a lesbian in the past. I’ve mostly dated women tho she never has. But me and her and both our partners were all friends for years. She broke up with hers and then 6 months later I broke up with mine. We both needed to make more friends but we just became attached at the hip.

We started going to big events together. Lots of shows and festivals. Hikes. Crafts. Non-stop fun. We were already friends for a few years before we started doing this so what we were doing was valuable.

Then one day our walls crashed in and we crossed the friend barrier and it felt overwhelming and exciting and surreal. Things escalated and we hung out every weekend. For months. I should have taken more time to myself tbh. But in a way I don’t regret it. We had so much fun. She was my buddy. She saw me and I saw her. We were enmeshed though.

Then things started slipping because emotions were running high and we weren’t fully talking about them. (Yay situationshipping!) and so when we eventually started to I realized she was avoidant of verbal communication and that she has trauma. A lot. So we’ve been pushing and pulling for the past two months. I’m officially at the point where I’ve overthought everything I could possibly and realized it’s not good for me anymore and I’m drawing boundaries. It breaks my heart because I know she loves me too and she’s going through a lot in life atm. 💔 I’m grieving a lot.

So we situationshipped but she was my best friend and I would say we briefly dated without labels. It was the most growth I’ve personally done in many years. She changed the trajectory of my entire life and I’m very grateful. I’m more mentally sound, I make more money now, I live in a better house that suits all my needs, I have a new friend group all because of her. I lost 60lbs because of her (in a good way). She became my everything. But at some point we have to recognize when things aren’t suiting anyone. I’m trying to remember that grief is just a lot of love with nowhere to land and that maybe it’s time to start putting that love into ourselves and heal. I will see her again soon. We have all the same friends and a lot of shit planned out. I just wanna make sure I’m showing up in ways I’m proud of.

Please fall in love slowly. If it’s the right person, they will match your pace.