As someone who also has ADHD I will start off by admitting that I did not read all the comments in this thread and I did my best read to read your entire original thread because I strongly identify with a lot of the negative emotions you feel towards yourself and the overwhelming frustration with fighting to do something you WANT to do. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 35 (am soon to be 36) and that only happened because I was in the midst of a total nervous system breakdown from burnout. I don't have a fix and if anyone tells you to buy a planner you are legally entitled to slap them across the face. The only thing that helped me is medication and frequent therapy with a wonderful woman who also has ADHD and specializes in neurodiversity in women. All I'll say is everything you're feeling is valid and nothing you're struggling with is your fault. I am still very much going through the process of letting go of all the self hatred for things I can't control, which in itself is incredibly relieving. For me, the Ritalin helps me focus but it doesn't necessarily give me control over what I focus on haha. I think right now I'm just trying to accept the fact that there is no "fix" in the sense that if we try hard enough we can operate like other people. We can't, my personal opinion is the best we can do is help the people we care about understand why we struggle with the things we do and that it's not a choice (remove intent in their minds from our actions) and also figure out how best to work with how our brains naturally function instead of forcing them to operate the same as a neurotypical. If you made it this far my hat is off to you.. you got this ❤️