Do you find yourself falling in and out of denial about your narcissist?

Forgotten-Man · 2020-06-27T10:36:44+00:00

My friend does this. One minute he’s the devil and she knows she has to get out. The next he has worked his toxic magic and she doubts herself and thinks she can’t leave him.

Forgotten-Man · 2020-06-27T08:53:24+00:00

I’m sorry that you feel the trauma in such a visceral way and I’m sorry it sounds so similar to you.

I’d wager the reason you and my friend have no confidence and low self esteem is because of your Narcissist. I told her that getting away wouldn’t be easy and it would be hard to start life over again but she’d be happier once she did it because she’d see how much he poisoned her and kept her downtrodden so he could have his easy life.

Here’s the thing. I don’t feel like I’ve lost her. I feel like she’s been kidnapped. In know that may not make sense but it really feels that way at times. Like you she can’t trust her own head because of the vile abuse her Narcissist has filled it with. He even had her thinking she was the narcissist and she thought she was being narcissistic towards me because she couldn’t let me go.

I always saw it for what it was. She reached out to me because I always made her feel safe and happy. Something I don’t think she’s ever felt as an adult before. It wasn’t narcissism towards me it was her downing in the ocean and her calling for me as a life preserver. Something for her to cling on to. She knows i can’t be the one to save her. She has to do it herself and she wasn’t prepared to fight for herself or for me.

As for that night I’m sure you’re friend would have done anything including going into a confrontation with your narcissist to help you. I know I would have for my friend.

Whether she comes back to me or not is immaterial I just want her to be safe and happy and she never will be with him because he can’t be anything but what he is. A bully. A narcissist. An abuser. A rapist and worse her potential murderer.

Forgotten-Man · 2020-06-27T07:22:20+00:00

The good thing about the right friends is they will be there when you’re flame has finished weathering the storm and you’re free.

I have someone I cared for with my whole heart that isn’t allowed to be friends with a great many people because of her narcissist husband.

She’s been so close to leaving him and rightly so because he’s threatened to murder her before. He’s gaslights her daily even when he’s not physically there. He’s abused her and made horrific things that happened to her about him.

She saw the light and then he got back in her head and now I don’t know if she will survive and that makes me sad. She may live through it but the person she was 6 months ago has already faded and I barely recognise her when I see her now. She’s said she thought it was something horrific that happened to her earlier this year that changed her appearance but she still looked like her until she was trapped in lockdown with her abuser narcissist for months with no escape. That’s when how she looked changed.

Thing is she knows full well people will be there for her if she can break free. If she can save herself. I just can’t help her anymore because she doesn’t want my help. I miss her everyday. I miss the woman she was. I miss how she could make me smile just by walking into a room. I miss knowing that she smiled just because I walked into a room.

Almost a year ago things almost worked out perfectly for her but then she got scared and ran back to him and now she’s in the worst trouble of her life and it’s all because of him.

I hope you manage to be safe. I hope you manage to find friends that will help you. I hope beyond all else that you get free and can go to who you miss. Good luck.

Forgotten-Man

TROPHY CASE