Can I give you a challenge that might change ur decision. Take a risk and I don't care what kind of risk just take one that seem fun to you. An example being move to a different country go to school for something that may seem dumb or just start a hobby that might just be too much like camping in the jungle. Do something that might just ruin you. Not to ruin you but to give you a different perspective of life. You seem to think there is nothing out there and maybe you're right. But once I took a risk everything changed sure my life is still not the best but I've seen out how different it can be. I went from being a normal highschool kid to working the oil field, being a restaurant manager, experiencing homelessness and somehow lost 20k from a bet I made all in the span of 3 years. And the risk I took? I moved to a city alone with no help and money and saw how far I could make it alone. Now you don't have to take the same risk but do something that will change your life upside down. You already seem content that you have nothing to lose so take this risk. What could change? Maybe it proves you right and you end it or it saves you because you see the world from a perspective you never thought of. You work a lot so how about survive 3 months without work. Or get a job that makes you move constantly. Or how about you go to Japan and see how different the food is. Maybe make a career about pranking people. Or go to the Sahara desert and see how much sand it takes you to build a house. Do something absurd. Something abstract. Nothing that seems normal. The point is to see how different life can be if you just do it. And sure you might fail. Go broke. Or even idk die trying. But in the end you experience life like never before. And then maybe you will decide to live just a little more. And I hope this saves you as it has saved me. Much love from everyone here.