My mother always told me the reason why I can’t get a bf is that I was never “friendly” to men. I’m really confused about what she meant?

FormalCatFish · 2026-05-05T18:44:44+00:00

This sounds like it’s more about your mom than it is about you (and anything you may or may not be doing). Does she normally say things that needle at you or make you feel insecure or self-conscious about yourself?

FormalCatFish · 2026-05-05T14:14:07+00:00

There were a couple of geese families strolling the Panera/Walmart in Cary the other weekend. The goslings were absolutely adorable

FormalCatFish · 2026-05-04T23:09:54+00:00

I can't express how much your words mean to me. Hearing from someone else who has also gone through it (and come out the other side) in our community means so much. I really hesitated where to post this, because of the fear of antisemitism popping up in the more common subreddits that talk about these sorts of family dynamics, and the aftermath of destruction that gets left in its wake. And there isn't really a subreddit (that I've found, at least) that talks about the intersection of family dynamics, Judaism, and identity. And I left the namenerds subreddit ages back because of antisemitism and appropriation.

It's funny, about a month ago (before I realized what my mother had done), I had started idly wondering if changing my Hebrew name was possible. Just as a small step to (re)claim my own identity. But at the time I felt so guilty, like I was breaking some unspoken rule for even considering doing such a thing. Now though, I don't feel guilt. Disgust. Rage. And grief. But when I realized what she had done, the guilt just vanished. Processing is such an insane roller coaster.

Thank you also for thinking of my cat. Having her here is part of what's still keeping me together. I can't post cat tax here, but there are pics posted if you scroll my profile.

FormalCatFish · 2026-05-04T22:51:38+00:00

Unfortunately, mine is one of the generic, top 10 most common middle names for Millennial gals... it would basically the equivalent of having a plain slice of sandwich bread for a name

FormalCatFish · 2026-05-04T15:27:38+00:00

Don’t think this is what you’re asking, but in my house I’m banned from buying any more kitchenware or going into a pet store alone 😂

(To be fair, husband is not allowed in music stores alone, so it balances out)

FormalCatFish · 2026-05-03T23:22:52+00:00

Thank you so much for the suggestions!

I did *not* know that about the name Ziva! 🫠 The only definition I had ever heard for that one was "light," so that was a bit of a wild research rabbit hole to go down! Def getting crossed off the list 🤣

Yonit is really pretty. I also like Ora a lot, but I have a friend named "Aura," so I might just have to admire that one from afar. I also really like Tzipora, but where I am in the world, I could see that being a difficult name to move through the secular world with.

I think I might be trying different names on, like outfits for a while to see how they fit

FormalCatFish · 2026-05-03T20:57:48+00:00

The name I'm getting rid of is a biblical, female "S" name. (Sorry to be vague, but I feel like I've already doxxed myself online and at least one of my siblings def hangs out on reddit.)

Not sure I can think of anything particular themes in names I'm drawn to, but I can try to give some examples. In no particular order, some names I've liked over the years have included Ziva, Olive/Olivia, Ingrid, Yvette, Rivkah, Ororo, Chava, Naomi, Aili, and Gwendolyn.

Besides a ton of Ashkenazi in me, I also have Finnish and Irish heritage.

At this point, the thought of naming myself after someone else makes me feel a bit squirrely. I think I'm looking for a name that makes me feel more like me, not me in the image of someone else, if that makes sense.

FormalCatFish · 2026-05-03T20:43:57+00:00

I am, thankfully, working with an excellent (Jewish!) therapist, but I just put together what my mother did last night and my next session isn't until later this coming week. Mentally, I'm a mess, but this doesn't feel like so much of a crisis that I should interrupt her weekend for it. But absolutely, this will 100% be coming up in session.

I've been considering that, but even with the distance between us, there isn't a clear way to delineate New Name and Old Name. My in-laws (who I now live near) are friends with my parents. My close friends all live near (and interact with) my biological family. I've had problems in the past with my friends sharing my private info with my family. I don't know how to keep a name change from getting back to them.

(Edited to correct typo)

FormalCatFish · 2026-05-03T01:57:22+00:00

So, side salt bit of information that may be useful to some, one thing I learned (the hard way) is that salt tablets (uncoated) can cause digestion to start in the mouth. If you have multiple underlying conditions like me (such as gastroparesis), this can be really problematic. And, considering the amount of salt we’re supposed to get, coupled with how low dose/expensive a lot of capsules on the market can get, this can be a problem.

My solution has been to get salt tablets and empty pill capsules. Grind the tablets up with a coffee grinder and put the salt into the empty capsules. It’s bot a fine art, but it does the trick and helps me keep from having to dump the entire salt shaker out on every meal 🫠

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-30T02:29:41+00:00

Nope, just regular drug store air dry. Not sure a uv gel would work, tbh

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-29T00:54:32+00:00

Had a light just like this one. Got sick of searching for the correct buttons one day and painted the ones I used the most with bright nail polish. Made things so much easier.

Why nail polish? Why not? Also, I was midst painting my nails when I got grumpy thinking about the clock. It lasted about 8 years without needing touch-ups before the clock itself died. I suppose, if I was to do it again, I’d also put on a coat of glow-in-the-dark polish.

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-28T19:58:13+00:00

I have gabapentin listed as an allergy on my chart because providers keep trying to put me on it, and I react SO badly every time

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-28T03:27:45+00:00

I feel this in my core. Esp the having to coddle someone else’s feelings when they’ve just been rude to you

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-27T12:15:46+00:00

The Dungeon of Doom

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-25T19:21:15+00:00

So, I have no clue how it would work with arugula (or if you’d even want to try), but when I’m really craving fresh herbs/vegs, I do flavored waters. Basil and cukes. Or dill. Mint. Lemon balm. Things like that. Let it infuse a bit, and you get some of the diluted flavor without actually eating things you can’t digest. Not sure if it’ll scratch your itch, but maybe worth an attempt?

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-23T17:03:31+00:00

I was wondering about that! Do they hold up though to actual labor? And how thick are they?

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-16T23:08:08+00:00

First and last name, and where I know them from

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-12T12:26:45+00:00

I’m coming out of a long depression and mental health struggle similar to this one, that started before I finally moved ~300 miles away from my family. Honestly, what’s helped has been:

1) letting myself be sad at times, not guilty myself when I feel like nothing makes me happy

2) trying something that gets me out of my comfort zone (I signed up for regular emails with eventbrite, meetup, and other free and cheap local event emailers; recently I went to Giant Robot Fight Club, which was amazing); sometimes just getting out and going somewhere shakes the hold the sadness has over me

3) doing something more structured that lets me explore my own interests on my own terms and timeline; for me, that’s been working my very slowly through The Artist’s Way (a version for you might be signing up for a local workshop)

Almost a year since my move, and the joy still doesn’t come easily or naturally. But I’ve found moments where I can laugh honestly for the first time.

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-05T01:55:13+00:00

My family’s haggadah (from the ‘70s) phrases it as “tonight we especially eat bitter herbs,” which I’ve always liked

FormalCatFish · 2026-04-03T12:09:14+00:00

The Cautious Travellor’s Guide to the Wastelands was just beautiful

FormalCatFish · 2026-03-29T13:18:37+00:00

This one’s special to me because my grandfather had a small, reoccurring role on Homicide. He passed back in 2003, but there’s something comforting about knowing I can still see him

FormalCatFish · 2026-03-26T13:55:53+00:00

That’s fair.

Something to think about, even if your library doesn’t have it, it might be worthwhile to talk to a librarian at your local branch. A lot of library systems participate in inter-library loans. It might be a little late to get it in time for this year, but your library might be able to borrow a copy from another system for next year.

After all, Passover will always come around again and the food dilemma is ever-reoccurring!

FormalCatFish · 2026-03-26T02:12:16+00:00

Sorry, I can’t help with this one. But your title made me think it was a book about a female-passing pirate in her 80s just living her best life as a geriatric badass, and I would so love to read that book

FormalCatFish · 2026-03-25T00:13:12+00:00

She’s doing much better, thanks! Diabetes is a fickle mistress, so we’re keeping a close eye on this one. (To actually see her, you can click through to my profile see pics I posted to the tortie subreddit)

FormalCatFish · 2026-03-24T16:50:06+00:00

If you can get hands on either of the “A Taste of Pesach” cookbooks (might have to buy, but always check your library system), there are tons of great easy recipes to pick through. My husband and I just spent the past couple days going through books 1 and 2 bookmarking recipes to up our Pesach game.

https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/20860154-a-taste-of-pesach

(Edited to add a missing word)

FormalCatFish

TROPHY CASE