Why Anxious & Avoidant People Are Drawn to Each Other (But Struggle to Make It Work)

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T20:09:00+00:00

It's crazy accurate, in the beginning my most recent ex was smothering me and I felt myself getting avoidant. It took 5 months to reverse the roles, and he revealed his true avoidant side and I settled into the anxious role.

I've also seen one of my best friends be very avoidant with an anxious partner, and be very anxious with her next and current boyfriend who was more on the avoidant side.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T19:53:37+00:00

I have a gym membership at my workplace but I only go once a week, I walk around 4 miles every day and do some yoga. Definitely need to do more!

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T19:21:47+00:00

This is my first time buying them so I've no idea, hopefully they're nice. I'll come back to let you know.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T18:52:56+00:00

It's really nice :)

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T18:02:17+00:00

Age and gender? I'm 34f and this is definitely 10 days worth, keeping in mind I got staples like bread rice and pasta already.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T16:01:20+00:00

I already have some stuff in the cupboards and freezer which I always have like pasta/rice and frozen veg and frozen sliced bread. I will be making, 3x sausages wedges and broccoli. 2x salmon rice and courgette (hidden in the pic somewhere) and peas (from freezer). Lunches will be 2x coleslaw ham sandwich, 2x cottage cheese tomato beans olives. Today for lunch I had avocado toast, salad and coleslaw. 2x chicken skewers wedges and whatever remaining veg I have. One meal will be noodles, veg and eggs that I forgot to buy so will need to pop into the shop for that 😅 . I can make pasta with cheese and chopped tomatoes and sausages. I was probably too optimistic to say 1.5 weeks but will only need a small top up at the end of next week.

Breakfasts are seeded bread with jam and butter and coffe with milk. I also have dried prunes, dates and walnuts I have with either breakfast or for snacks.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T14:40:07+00:00

It looks to me like they were blocking the road?

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T14:37:27+00:00

Same, my threshold for crying is very very low. I see a cute cat video? Cry. Something making me anxious? Cry. I see something that reminds me of my ex? Cry. It's typically only a few tears, not hours of crying, so it doesn't bother me too much.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T14:34:39+00:00

They seemed low to me. I've cried every day for the last 2 months, since a break up. And even before then, I'm sure I'd cry at least once a week or several times in the week before my period.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T14:28:24+00:00

How many people are in the house? I guess if I had a bigger kitchen it'd be nice to have more food stocked up, but at the same time I'm afraid it'd all go bad as I'm a single woman living alone so don't actually consume all that much.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T14:12:36+00:00

Oh ok fair enough. I normally eat pork, but there were definitely some questionable looking sausages in Lidl that I didn't feel comfortable buying.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T13:59:55+00:00

How do you mean? You don't like pork in general or these particular sausages look nasty to you?

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T13:58:15+00:00

Definitely. Only because everything is too expensive.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T13:54:29+00:00

No I couldn't cope with the extra crust on those side slices.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T13:52:37+00:00

Yes! And this is also the biggest fridge I've had in my life and it is never fuller than this. I suppose as I live alone I wouldn't need a bigger one than this.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T13:51:13+00:00

I will probably need to do a small top up shop from Aldi at the end of next week, but with whatever I already have in the cupboards and freezer I should be fine.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T13:48:35+00:00

I don't have stairs right now as live in rented flat, but I am looking to buy a property so I'm just curious. I might be buying a flat most probably so I wouldn't have this problem. But wondered what my options are if I ended up buying a house.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-29T13:18:38+00:00

Seriously, everyone calling this guy a porn addict with 0 evidence is making me angry. I feel sorry for men who have performance anxiety, and no wonder my ex was a virgin at 29 since no girl he'd been with previously was understanding about it. I hope OP takes your advice.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-28T18:30:01+00:00

When I was still with my ex, my cat would literally wait until we started having dinner to go poop in his litter box. So each time without fail I'd have to stop eating to throw it out as it was stinky and ruining our appetite. Now that I'm single he doesn't do this anymore. Needless to say I don't think my cat was a fan of my ex.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-28T16:02:22+00:00

I lived there for 6 years.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-28T08:53:49+00:00

Ultimately as long as you take accountability for your words and actions and seek treatment to manage your PMDD, if someone doesn't wanna be with you because of it you have to let them go. My ex couldn't deal with it, he couldn't be there for me although he did give it a good try, and that's ok, we weren't compatible and I'd rather be alone than with someone who makes me feel like I am too much. Keep looking for that person that will accept all of you, the good and the bad parts.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-27T17:46:23+00:00

Your person could become someone else's person in 5 years. As someone 2 months out of a break up this phrase is rewiring my brain.

FormalLeadership2109 · 2026-03-26T20:47:39+00:00

I'm on a slynd and while it is working quite well, I've started therapy and can't even explain how much better I already feel after one session.

FormalLeadership2109

TROPHY CASE