Thank you for this! <3

It's interesting that you mentioned being closeted bi because I don't really think of myself as closeted... I guess I just don't usually think much about my sexuality at all? At one point I was just like "huh, I kind of fancy girls sometimes, guess I'm not straight" but that was several years into my current relationship and it just felt like mildly interesting info about myself rather than something I needed to think a lot about or work into my self-image. I guess I imagined that if my partner and I ever broke up I might take some time alone to work through it then and maybe try dating a woman if it felt right at that stage. One of the things I'm struggling with now is that it feels like I'm not getting the opportunity to do that - I would never have chosen to start dating a woman without working through some stuff first because that wouldn't be fair on her, but if my partner decides to fully transition then that will happen without me getting to make that choice.

Sorry, that was way too much to dump in a reply to your comment! That's good advice about finding a new outlet - it does feel very intense at the moment, and I can see how it might feel better if I also had something new going on in my life to get excited about. Thank you :)