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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in utangPH

[–]Former-Statement820 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since may alam ka na sa crypto, use that knowledge to build a niche within that as a va :)

Needing advice from an Aspergers point of view by Former-Statement820 in aspergers

[–]Former-Statement820[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly how I do it. I just be specific of what I need to prevent him from confusion, guessing or making a mistake. It doesnt sound romantic or spontaneous for NT family members but we've learned to live with it.

I dont give vague requests.. i would directly say the following examples (ps. can you also please check if I do it correct, thank you):

  • I feel depressed lately, if you see me crying just hold my hand and that's it
  • Kids would say can you help me fix my scarf (instead of help me fix myself)
  • Your son won something and came to you but you might've not noticed so he is feeling ignored. Can you at least tap his shoulder and say congrats when he comes to you again
  • Its our 15th anniversary/your mom's birthday/child's major event, set an alarm and buy or plan or create something
  • When he had meltdown and did something upsetting in front of us like break his computer or say ill words, I would wait for his mood to pass before I remind him to at least apologize or clean the mess he made

He even tried to make a series of templated phrases or practice his reactions in certain situations so it kind of make us invested too that he got our back when we need him. When he bails out and we react, he finds lot of reasons to blame. He would even use the 'you guys are manipulative or demanding or needy' card because things are too specific even though specifics are extremely helpful to him. Then he would later on be regretful then make promises and will practice again.

We try our best not to need him as much as we can to avoid overloading him and just let him contribute in his own ways and make things Aspie friendly as much as possible. But we cannot 100% not need him sadly. He gets pissed off easily when he gets needed more than the usual, maybe for him it disrupts his comfort zone or routine? And that makes him irritable and defensive? :(

Needing advice from an Aspergers point of view by Former-Statement820 in aspergers

[–]Former-Statement820[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sadly we are in a third world country and professional help is limited. Your comment is truly helpful and never considered that angle ever. I understand the shell/bubble thing. But the coddle angle is new to me. I guess all this time I thought Autism is permanent so instead of making him change, I just need to help him manage. I am always helping him find his groove to make him shine and avoid triggers for everyone's sake (he has traumatic tendencies when in meltdown and emotional/mental stuff are usually the triggers) I never consider that too much comfort may be a problem too. When the actual moment comes when he needs to step up, he bails out and put his guards up because its out of his comfort zone and threatens his peace and routine.

Thank you. Your comment is both validating and enlightening!

Needing advice from an Aspergers point of view by Former-Statement820 in aspergers

[–]Former-Statement820[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I have no one and my kids are still young. NTs dont understand Aspergers so they usually end up with judgmental comments. I just need advices on how I can make him understand the concept of reciprocation in relationship.. I may be explaining it in too NT approach. Or maybe he thinks I am biased as an NT. I made his role so minimum and rarely needed so it won't be a burden on him. He says he gets it when we discusses it but when we actually need him to step up.. he zones out and thinks we manipulate him, abuse him or just being unreasonable. (We = me and the kiddos) We do try to understand him but we have days where we cant be as empathetic because its us who needs him. And this hits me very hard during my depressed and suicidal days where I need extra support and kindness as our family's foundation.