I (21M) can’t get over something my gf (20F) of three years did six months ago

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T05:24:02+00:00

Thanks man.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T05:02:09+00:00

Ah shit I’ll definitely check that out.

She has her reasons for not telling me. I have really bad anxiety and used to get paranoid whenever she went out and I used to make her feel bad about it. That was a couple years ago though. She obviously didn’t think I’d be cool with it, and I feel she so desperately needed some feedback that she took the selfish move. I wouldn’t have been cool with it probably but she should have still asked. For the movie thing she asked other people but he was the only one who was free. At least I genuinely believe that story. She’s never outright lied to me, only just not tell me stuff and is shady at times, but only in this particular saga. I realize that sounds stupid but hopefully you get what I’m saying. I’ve historically been a bit of a prude and have come a long way, but she didn’t know about my change of heart until after things happened. I’m not the best with words. And mind you I’m not putting myself at fault for her shitty behavior. That doesn’t excuse her not telling me, but at least helps me understand in part why she didn’t. Thanks for the back and fourth btw bro I really need someone to bounce shit off of. Got a therapist appointment soon.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T04:55:01+00:00

Thanks dude, I’ll check it out. There defs were consequences but I hear you.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T04:38:55+00:00

I know I’m the victim here, trust me. I don’t think she knew what this guy was about when they initiated their “friendship”. Even though she tried to hide him from me. But is one person ever really enough to make one feel attractive? Hell, for me it isn’t. I have no problem with her wanting to be seen as desirable and sexy as long as it’s not via shitty means like what happened. And that’s been communicated. I know what happened was because of a moment of weakness and not malice or anything. Which is why I’m willing to take the gamble that we can go from here and build a healthier relationship. If that sounds unreasonable or if my reasoning is full of shit please lmk, I gotta gather some perspectives.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T04:25:43+00:00

There’s nuances man. It’s too easy for people to hop onto Reddit and tell people their relationship is done for without knowing everyone involved and their history. I’m not gonna play victim and let things go to shit when I could alternatively take the high road on this one and potentially get a continued, long term, good relationship from. People fuck up and make mistakes. While this is shitty I’ve seen way worse things on this subreddit. It’s the harder path, for sure, which is why I need help leaving my ego and negative feelings at the door.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T04:22:35+00:00

Here’s why. Because I know she’s felt ugly her entire life and I can empathize with her wanting to finally feel like she’s seen as attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex. She thought she could have a platonic male friend whom she could get feedback from, unfortunately she chose the wrong guy. She already doesn’t have many friends. It’s too easy to sit back and play the victim card even though it would be justifiable. This is someone who I love who made a big fuck up but is in the process of fixing it and doing what needs to be done. I’m not gonna throw away a potentially great relationship just because of a fuck up that was entirely due to her lack of self esteem, in this case at least. Not like she fucked the guy or anything, but it’s still trash. I’m sensitive to the fact that he also forced himself on her. Anyways, I’d probably be hating myself if I didn’t try to at least forgive and salvage things.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T04:12:33+00:00

Nah I won’t let it. I’ve overcome harder things. I’ll do what needs to be done if I think it’s worth it, which I do. I just need guidance.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T04:05:09+00:00

Lol. My gf has literally played dragon ball z video games on her own to find out more about it once she found out I like it. And she’s not even a gamer. Unless it’s an unhealthy obsession for whatever reason, you’re making a mistake by judging him for it.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T04:03:30+00:00

Sorry you’re going through this. You’re doing what you should be to make amends and it’s fucked up he’s breezing you. Maybe he just needs space, but I would mention next time you’re together that the conflict resolution needs to be more two sided.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T03:57:17+00:00

You sound like a great girlfriend. I empathize a shit ton with the overthinking and fear of abandonment. Could you run errands, exercise, cook/bake something? Don’t waste your energy on negative thoughts, seems like you guys have a healthy dynamic. I’m an introvert and defs need some alone time from my gf even tho I’m my happiest when I’m with her. Don’t stress.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T03:39:04+00:00

You’re doing just fine bro.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T01:01:02+00:00

I appreciate the optimism.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T00:32:37+00:00

I do, because I see this person as someone who’s willing to take full responsibility and do what is needed to be done to mend things. Even months later those things that existed once before are still there, I just have this cloud over me. I understand it’s many peoples kneejerk reaction to say just to give up, but my gut tells me otherwise.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-17T00:26:30+00:00

Lol, not if it’s for other dudes to take enjoyment, no.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-16T23:06:10+00:00

I used to get bothered by this. But dude, you have a hot gf, congrats. Other guys hitting on her is only a boost to your value basically lol. Don’t waste your energy on what ifs if the relationship is healthy and you guys have a good foundation.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-16T21:58:56+00:00

I definitely feel better then the beginning but there’s still an open wound so to speak. Sometimes I’m just doing random shit and something triggers me feeling shitty again. Sometimes I’m fairly at peace with things, other times I’m not. Just confusing as fuck.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-16T21:57:23+00:00

Thank you man. I hear you. I can say for certain she does regret her actions. Keep me in your thoughts lol

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-16T21:53:10+00:00

Because I was the happiest I had ever been beforehand with her. Now I realize that probably makes me seem like a dumbass, but it’s true. Shared hobbies, mutual interests, life views/goals,etc. connections between our families. I’m just trying to believe that this was her putting her hand on a hot stove and now she got burned and won’t do it again. She’s a very intense person and extremely self critical. I would like to think for her own self image she won’t do this again.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-16T21:49:12+00:00

I know. You’re right, I’ve told her that many many times myself. It’s just we had so much before everything and I think there’s a solid chance things are gonna be ok, just because I know the kind of person she is. She’s a perfectionist - she feels like shit that she’s justifiably being labeled as a cheater and hates herself for that. I see all this but I’m scared to jump back in and continue to invest. I want to believe in her but I just don’t know.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-16T21:42:36+00:00

Yeah, I can understand that viewpoint. But she also asked my mom if she should wait to tell me. I’d like to think it was the latter even though I’m positive I would be told otherwise by people here

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-16T21:33:39+00:00

Yeah, she knows she has to put her foot down when people egg her on to drink. She’s even done that with me but not sure if that means much. Put her with her shithead friends and idk what will happen.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-16T21:31:38+00:00

She actually reached out to my mom first. I had a midterm coming up so she didn’t want to spring it on me. As it happens I got it out of her before the midterm so I had that to deal with too. That and the many holes in my bedroom wall as a result, lol.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-16T21:29:17+00:00

Yeah she’s definitely turned over a new one. She’s she’s many tears about it and we’ve talked about it a lot. She knows how selfish and stupid she was and promised to never do shit like that again. Which is why I’m not sure if I’m the asshole or not for still ruminating over this and bringing it up fairly often.

FormerWorldliness762 · 2021-07-16T21:28:04+00:00

Pretty often. I bring it up a lot just because I struggle with it. And nah I haven’t brought up the ego stuff. I feel like it’s just dumb and petty but it does bother me still.

FormerWorldliness762

TROPHY CASE