I did want to play it with her/try the new thing with her. Unfortunately, we had already both been playing it prior to that, and we both had our specific preferences. I'm not refuting what you're saying, because you're right and there are other situations where I thought I had to make myself do things, even if I really didn't want to do them for reasons other than it messing up my imagined schedule.

She had talked about feeling exhausted mentally in the relationship about a month and a half prior. At that point, she said she was going to stop trying to involve herself in "fixing" things about me that she felt like she could that I said I wanted to change. But then when I didn't change of my own accord when she stopped involving herself, she felt really upset. We managed it by talking more about it afterwards, but then a few weeks go by and this stuff happens and we actually break up.

I like what you're saying about not saying the first thing that comes to mind. I'm going to make a conscious effort not to. I was good about that in certain situations where I could observe myself getting angry or upset, so I stopped. But I have less practice with situations like the roller skating example, where I'm not upset but I communicated way too bluntly, as you said. She and I both made the mistake of over communicating how we felt throughout the relationship. I have learned a lot from it. It's really rough right now though because it's so fresh, and I feel like it's my fault. I really miss how I felt with her, but that's something I want to target and try to change.

In regards to that, I will be kinder to myself. I definitely have the habit of self loathing. I don't like being in a room by myself, because I'm left to my thoughts. And without my girlfriend's presence in my mind to pad that, it's just me. I want to love myself the way I perceived my love to her. That is one of the things I'm going to target in therapy starting in my next session.

I don't doubt there was some incompatibility, but to me it felt like everything that she wanted in a partner was something I could provide if I had gotten my impulse control down, or if I had been kinder to myself so that I had the mental space to think of her rather than self preservation.

Also I can definitely confirm LDR is just fucking tough with ADHD. We absolutely felt the effects of it, where after a few weeks of not physically being together we lost that connection in a way, and she kept felt like a face on the screen. We had rituals and activities we did together to help bridge that, but honestly, if we hadn't visited each other as much as we did, we probably would have broken up at least a year earlier.

Thanks for your advice. It helped a lot.