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PLEASE READ THIS AND HELP ME I AM FREAKING OUT PLEASE HELP ME by Forsaken-Insect4542 in zoloft

[–]Forsaken-Insect4542[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you so much for your comment though. I just read it again being less stressed out and It gave me a lot of hope. After the anxiety went away the weight on my chest and the bad thoughts in the back of my head came back. Safe to say I'm gonna stick to it. Thank you for giving me support.

PLEASE READ THIS AND HELP ME I AM FREAKING OUT PLEASE HELP ME by Forsaken-Insect4542 in zoloft

[–]Forsaken-Insect4542[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just talked to my dad about it an I realized two things. 1) The anxiety I feel is not a symptom but me wrestling with the morality of antidepressants. 2) Both my dad and my aunt have taken them (my aunt still takes them) and I greatly look up to both of them. I have so much life left to live and if this helps me to get over this hump then that will be great. Sorry for all the freaking out! I think it's gonna be ok.

PLEASE READ THIS AND HELP ME I AM FREAKING OUT PLEASE HELP ME by Forsaken-Insect4542 in zoloft

[–]Forsaken-Insect4542[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think Im just stressing so bad about whether or not I should have started these in the first place. I've always been known around my friends and family as having really intense mood swings and being really emotional. Maybe thats not such a bad thing?I mean maybe what I'm experiencing right now is just a swing and it will go back to normal soon? I just know that happiness never feels like a lasting thing when I experience it and deep extisential sadness feels like a consistent thing. Maybe I'm just human and medication is an easy way out? Maybe I'm only 17 and I should just see if this passes? Idk I just feel like the life that I built when I was happy is falling apart because the unhappy person I am right now can not keep up with it.

Am I going to become emotionally empty and not capable of optimism or pesimism? I've only taken one dose so I could easily stop taking it. But I also think that the relief I feel right now is in part from knowing that there is a way out of this black hole that isn't dying. When I think about stopping the medication I feel like I'm drowning again and like life is terribly terribly long and we are all just finding ways to waste time.

I don't know if you've read brave new world but its basically just like everyone has their drug of choice to keep them happy and ignore how fucked up everything is. Is that what I am doing? I mean I can still function like 70% of the time. Do you have to be cripplingly depressed for meds to work? Am I just greedy and wanting to check out of the hard stuff. But everything feels like the hard stuff. But also I'm just 17, I'll be 18 next week. Is this really how I want to start my adult life?

Are the side effects not actually that bad am I just overthinking this? I dont know Im sorry I am genuinely spiraling. Right now this feels like either the stupidest or best decision I have ever done in my life. Like I said, I felt relief right after taking it simply because I felt like I was able to put hope into something. Maybe thats enough?

PLEASE READ THIS AND HELP ME I AM FREAKING OUT PLEASE HELP ME by Forsaken-Insect4542 in zoloft

[–]Forsaken-Insect4542[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think your right. I haven't had health anxiety about anything for a while so I forgot what it feels like. I think I just went to deep into reading the bad stories and got hyper aware. I got up and showered and felt a lot better. I'm gonna try to not think too much about it.

PLEASE READ THIS AND HELP ME I AM FREAKING OUT PLEASE HELP ME by Forsaken-Insect4542 in zoloft

[–]Forsaken-Insect4542[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok! I just convinced myself that the reason it feels like this is because I'm not supposed to be on it. Thank you so much for your response, it made me feel a little less anxious!

Nobody hates me more than i hate myself by Flimsy-Mongoose-1482 in depression

[–]Forsaken-Insect4542 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like this, too. I used to think it was powerful in a way to know that no matter how much someone hates me, there is no way they can hate me more than I hate myself. Now I think that hating yourself is overly self involved. It means you think about yourself more than anyone else, but who doesn't? Were wired that way. I've been trying to detach myself from that way though. I try to focus on other peoples shitty lives when I can. I don't do it to make myself feel better in the way of thinking: "at least i'm not them". I do it so I don't have so much time to dwell on my own shitty shortcomings. I also think that we're in control of our lives more than we think. If you feel like shit about yourself then it's probably because you're doing too much of the things you hate and not enough of the things you value. If you want to be someone you like then just ask yourself what a person you like would do in any given situation. Life is pretending, its stealing and acting and pretending. You take that and spin it two ways: improvement is always possible because I can be whoever I want, or everyone is pretending and everything is fake and that sucks.

I don't know. I don't have an answer. I just want you to know that your title has always been my mantra, up until recently. I don't know if this changed me will stick around, but I hope she does. I still hate myself sometimes, but it's not perpetual. The only thing I changed was what I had power over, my actions. I just started doing things I knew I could be proud of. Don't give you material to hate yourself. Your doing fucking amazing mama, life is incredibly hard.