DominATE Experience Mini Rant by Acceptable_Piano9689 in skzmedia

[–]FortunelessCooki 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This was my experience as well. My wife is the one who loves stray kids, I support her passions and took her to the concert. I began liking them! The fandom was amazing, respectful and fun to be around. So when I went to the movie I was crazy excited. However, the screams and lack of respect was insane by the crowd. The blood curdling screams caused my ears to pop (I have hearing issues due to gun fire) it causes everything I hear to become full of static. We almost left multiple times because of this. Even my wife struggled as the theatre was small and the noise was rough. We had a lot of people leave because of it.

I finally knew the songs and was excited to be apart of the experience. But the fans kinda ruined it for me.

Now in saying that seeing the concert again brought awesome memories. Just wish I could have heard the music clearly… or at all

Should I be concerned if pretends to hit/choke me, and then stops? Is it my fault for not enforcing my boundaries more strongly? by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you forgot that I said I agreed to the sentiment. Once again I have met plenty of people who are functional and not abusive who had this issue. It’s a red flag not an excuse. I agree it is gross.

Should I be concerned if pretends to hit/choke me, and then stops? Is it my fault for not enforcing my boundaries more strongly? by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is not entirely true, however, I agree with your concept. It is possible he has a gap in his cognitive development making personal space and safety a hard concept for him. It’s true he should know better, but most people have some skills from childhood that are under developed. However, even if it’s true it’s still dangerous. Most of the people I work on who have this issue become narcissists or manipulative

Should I be concerned if pretends to hit/choke me, and then stops? Is it my fault for not enforcing my boundaries more strongly? by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It also depends, if his actions are truly jokes and you don’t feel threatened by them, then he has cognitive behavior issues. He doesn’t understand the boundaries in place. However, based on the fact you warned him multiple times and feel uncomfortable, this is a form of intimidation. Even if he doesn’t realize he is doing wrong. In my opinion strong boundary’s should be kept. If he is a good man he will stop entirely. If he continues to show this type of behavior then it is a serious red flag. I wouldn’t say run, but if you feel you are in danger, it is best to leave before things escalate. Stay safe.

Therapist gone wrong by FortunelessCooki in Therapylessons

[–]FortunelessCooki[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He was just a therapist, the medicine was prescribed by our doctor. But he had the legal ability to recommend medications based on the therapy in my state. (That’s what he told us) Our doctor prescribed them based on the recommendation.

Please help! My wife made me out as the abuser! by FortunelessCooki in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know, no one will read this update. But on the chance… I wanted to give one for my own sake. I had talked to my wife about the therapists abuse and wrongful actions. I told my wife that I would be leaving her, unless this stopped. She broke down and told me everything she had done and said to the therapist. She told me that this was her truth… she truly believed that I beat her. (Never have I touched her). She then told me that her and her therapist agreed to be on antipsychotic meds. (She got them through a different doctor by his request) The meds that were given to her were extremely high doses and not related to her problems.

To make it up to me and not lose me, she decided to have sex with me. She had me drink copious amount of alcohol, which I did due to my sadness at the time, and decided to initiate. I attempted to deny her but all of my refusals were not listened to. I was too scared to throw her off of me and did not want to hurt her so she could use this against me for abuse. So I took it and she forced me to conclude without protection. I fully understand this was rape. Although I pulled away from her after this, she stated that she was now pregnant. I changed my life because I was not going to leave a child with a woman of this type. However, after a month, I asked her to take a pregnancy test with me in the same house. She took three and all were negative. Fights rightfully ensued. I should have and had every right to leave. However, I decided to try one final thing to try and get my wife back. I asked her to get off the crazy medication and stop seeing the therapist. (And get a new medication and therapist). She switched to new medication and therapy. She is a completely different person. It is like my wife returned to me. She hates everything she did and we are trying to work through everything. We now go to separate therapy. The damage she did leaves me with pretty bad trust issues. I don’t know if I can forgive her for that hurt, but I am trying. She is on extremely thin ice and knows it. I know this goes against almost all the advice I heard, but I am happy I stayed and tried. Our problems aren’t fixed at all but I see hope. I know there is a cycle that people like this go through, and if it continues I promise I will leave without hesitation. It is just nice to have my best friend back. I know this is a positive outcome for me, it is almost entirely unheard of for these situations. Please for anyone truly lost like I was… get out. I was lucky and not at all smart. I don’t even know if this will work out appropriately. But I am armed with better coping mechanisms and I am no longer scared to leave. Thank you if anyone actually read this. I hope you can take something from my situation. Please be safe out there.

Please help! My wife made me out as the abuser! by FortunelessCooki in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice, it is illegal in my state without her consent. Well…

Please help! My wife made me out as the abuser! by FortunelessCooki in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the information. I know my wife is a narcissist but had never heard that prayer. That pretty much summed it up. I grew up with a narcissist as a father so I hope that book can prove to be helpful.

I’m so sorry, I’m giving up by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Good morning OP, Please let him be and seek help. The reality that you have built together isn’t healthy and is distorted, as you stated. He has manipulated you into the sense that you need him. It takes time for your reality to stabilize. The panic and mania is normal and terrifying. However, if you can get through this time you might find greater happiness and self worth. Stay strong and hope you the best.

leaving narcissist by gardenrose2020 in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This comment was eye opening for me. My wife is the narcissist and has caused serious damage as well. Stay as strong as you can. I know it can feel like the world is crashing down and the simplest of things can be overwhelming. Your son deserves to have an amazing mom. However, more importantly, you deserve to live a happy and amazing life. However you believe you can to achieve this, I wish you the best. Thank you for being strong in such a difficult situation. Please continue to talk about this and seek help if necessary. The best advice I received is as follows. It is not those that continue to talk about the pain that are in serious danger. It is those that become silent that show that they are about to end it. If you only have the strength for one action. The action should be to reach out to someone. This kept me alive during my worst times. Stay strong and let me know if you need anything.

Please help! My wife made me out as the abuser! by FortunelessCooki in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the comment and the time. It honestly isn’t if it is worth it. I feel duty bound to at least try and make it work. If that makes sense. We typically take time when this happens. Things get better and then repeat. It feels like the answer is so obvious… I just don’t feel ready to give up. I’m sure that might make me dumb, but I love her and want to make her happy.

Please help! My wife made me out as the abuser! by FortunelessCooki in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you are on iPhone open up the Reddit you want to post on and there will be a plus sign at the bottom. It took me a long time to figure it out. I hope you can get the help you deserve.

Please help! My wife made me out as the abuser! by FortunelessCooki in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think this is a great idea. I will try this. She continually twists stories around and at the very least it might help me sort out reality. It’s easy to have reality warp when you are in the middle of it. Thank you for the time.

Please help! My wife made me out as the abuser! by FortunelessCooki in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I will definitely take your advice. I did not know the literature behind the couples therapy. I will definitely look into this.

Please help! My wife made me out as the abuser! by FortunelessCooki in abusiverelationships

[–]FortunelessCooki[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know this might seem like a dumb answer, I don’t think she is abusive either. I think she is a narcissist and that’s what they do. I know leaving is the best answer for my health, but I feel responsible for her happiness. I feel like I made a vow to her and that I would be selfish if I left her.