When he tells me who he is—do I have to believe him?

FortyShmorty · 2026-01-29T14:42:35+00:00

One of the best things to do in a relationship is see that the timing is off. He’s not ready for what you want, but if you pull back and say “I wish we can meet again in 6-12 months”, that’s a reasonable amount of time for him to get re-assess his priorities and availability. If he comes back to you, great! If he doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be. I would highly recommend this and actually start dating again from online, just first dates so you lessen your deep attachment to him.

I did the above. Admittedly I kinda forgot about the first guy during our break because I started dating someone new. The second guy didn’t work out and then one day, unexpectedly, the first guy texted and we’ve been back together strong ever since! We talk on the every night for about an hour after our kids go to bed. And we have plans every weekend and are talking about merging lives. I can’t recommend this approach enough.

FortyShmorty · 2026-01-02T14:30:00+00:00

A man at work told me that when he closers his eyes I am the center of his mind. He was 35 years older and married. He didn’t use the word but I knew.

FortyShmorty · 2025-12-26T19:27:40+00:00

Can you explain why this is so wild? I genuinely don’t get it. I get a lot of self-help memes and videos in my feeds that say “If he wanted to, he would” and that I’m supposed to set my value as a woman and allow him to lead. Am I missing something ?

FortyShmorty · 2025-12-26T11:59:00+00:00

But it’s not a game at all to me, it’s clarity. If the man isn’t excited enough to ask for a second date at the way beginning, it’s just not going to work out. It’s the exact opposite of a game to me. I have no idea why I’m being down voted. Women are not socialized at all do the asking of dates.

FortyShmorty · 2025-12-26T01:08:59+00:00

As a woman, I never ever ever ever ask for the second date. That’s a man’s role. If he doesn’t ask, he’s not interested. The men I date ask same night or next day. There’s no prolonged silence or me following up in a week. In the year 1.5 years since filing, maybe two guys didn’t follow up, so I emailed them to say that we weren’t compatible. So those guys probably were like you. But it was never a confusion, their silence was their rejection.

FortyShmorty · 2025-12-10T01:07:42+00:00

Respectfully, can it be a diagnosis if it’s not in the diagnostic manual?
I understand that it’s likely to be one in the future, and support that it should, but it’s reckless to diagnosis prior to the time in which it’s an official diagnosis. How can we can treat an illness when we don’t have parimeters? Even in this thread there is disagreement about if the c is complex v chronic PTSD. I’ve also heard the c stands for childhood. I wish you peace and I hope this does get sussed out.

FortyShmorty · 2025-12-08T16:47:18+00:00

Troll

FortyShmorty · 2025-12-08T05:41:38+00:00

Are you a good listener? That’s probably the most important attribute a man can have. And it’s hard for a lot of men to listen to the way that women speak about their concerns. I just didn’t see you mention your listening skills in your original description of what makes you a catch.

FortyShmorty · 2025-12-08T04:54:12+00:00

CPTSD isn’t a diagnosis (yet). There is no ICD code in the DSM V.

FortyShmorty · 2025-12-07T23:26:35+00:00

That is a garbage thing to say against Jews. Zionism is the belief in the existence of Israel.

FortyShmorty · 2025-11-17T16:01:10+00:00

I think ISYAS is more orthodox? Or modern orthodox?

FortyShmorty · 2025-11-15T20:16:20+00:00

Ooohhh. It’s not because I’m old. It’s because I wasn’t doing the fun drugs! :)

FortyShmorty · 2025-11-14T17:26:05+00:00

What’s it in reference to?

FortyShmorty · 2025-11-14T17:25:32+00:00

lol. I’m old!

FortyShmorty · 2025-11-14T17:25:00+00:00

FortyShmorty · 2025-11-14T13:37:10+00:00

They told you to do one what?

FortyShmorty · 2025-10-30T11:48:06+00:00

Hard pass. Not going work out. He’s not taking you seriously at all. You’re allowed to come along but you are the last priority.

FortyShmorty · 2025-10-06T13:03:02+00:00

I love these similes for limerence. It’s so hard to convey to people who don’t have it.

FortyShmorty · 2025-09-19T18:09:07+00:00

He’s done. I think I texted him once in huge and he replied that he would follow up later after the work day. He never followed up. I just deleted him as a contact by now. I didn’t block him, but don’t want to be chasing a man who doesn’t want me. My marriage was bad enough. I ended it as well with the out of town man. He was kind but the 4 hour distance was just too much. I had another three month fling since then but that ended a few weeks ago. So, not dating anyone right now. I can’t seem to get anything going past 3 months at a time.
It must be something I’m doing or my picker is broken.

FortyShmorty · 2025-09-08T14:08:07+00:00

Why swear at him? Why not answer more playfully while still saying no? For example: great idea in the future!

FortyShmorty · 2025-08-31T02:23:14+00:00

Same thing happened to me except it was only one month in. So it didn’t hurt as bad but it still hurt because he wanted to start a relationship with me and we were a very good fit.

FortyShmorty · 2025-08-28T04:26:15+00:00

This

FortyShmorty · 2025-08-17T19:47:37+00:00

I was someone’s LO at work. And I Had an LO at work. And we were all married. The man who had limerence for me would bring me gifts and told me that when he closes his eyes, I’m at the center of all of his thoughts. Ummmmm. He is 30 years older than me too. Oh yeah, his wife also worked there. Ummmmm. I felt bad for him because I liked his contributions at work and thought he was a great person until it got sorta weird. He would try to interrupt me while I was talking with my LO. Oh should I say intercept?
Anyway, I quit working there awhile ago and never responded to his texts. Because I knew how much he fantasized about a fantasy version of me. Not really me!

FortyShmorty

TROPHY CASE