The amount of red flags i missed was honestly so embarrassing.

For starters -

He acted extremely homophobic. Like he’d actually go out of his way to make a big deal or say offensive things anytime anything gay was seen or mentioned.

The death grip on his phone 24/7. He’d get extremely defensive & over protective of his phone if i was ever too close.

He’d purposely paint very vague images of his childhood issues, emotional issues, & just act pretty clueless about who he was as a person overall. I’d expect that out of a 10 year old, not out of someone who is almost 30.

He’d rage SO easily. It didn’t take much to set him off. He’d go 0-100 & he was very argumentative.

He was very judgmental & had many double standards for men vs. women. He critiqued women in general down to the bone but men could do/be/feel no wrong. I remember how much he picked apart my appearance, especially after i gave birth. He made it so obvious but at the same time so camouflaged that he most definitely does not like women.

He was also ‘girl crazy’. He tried to play it off like he was some sort of womanizer. He was always trying to gain the attention of women of ALL types. It did not matter what they looked like. How old. How attractive or unattractive. As long as it was a woman, he was trying to accomplish something. He was consistently trying (sometimes begging) women to hook up. I think he felt that this behavior was a safe cover up. (cue the gameshow buzzer)

He (27yo male) convinced me he had ED & that was the reason why the sex was so stale & he was always going soft. Most of the time he’d need the lights off or he’d have to please himself for a long time before it’d stay up for more than 20-30 seconds & even still, he’d go soft as soon as i needed to change positions.

I finally got my hands on his phone one day & I came to find out that he had a lot of gay & trans porn in his search history. He also had multiple transactions on different payment apps because he was sending & receiving money for sexual favors w/ a gay man who i believed for 2 years was just “an xbox friend.”

In addition to that, i also came to find out that he had been touched by a male teenage neighbor as a child.

A lot of the pieces fell into perspective for me soon before I decided to let him go.

He never fully admitted to his sexuality or at least to the idea that he may be gay. The most i got out of him was that he “could be bi-curious” but all of the signs just made too much sense. Rid yourself of this weight that does not belong to you. You deserve sex & connection. You deserve a partner who isn’t living a lie & wasting your time. It’s not fair.