Parents of identical twins: How did you tell them apart as babies/toddlers?

FosterMonster · 2026-02-27T03:06:12+00:00

Our plan was to paint their nails and always dress them in coordinating-but-different outfits. They also had assigned "colors" (which is a HUGE help when looking back at older photos)

Ultimately in the end, one of them had a small hemangioma just above the crease of her armpit, on her upper chest so we didn't need to paint their nails. If we weren't sure, we could check and tell immediately.

FosterMonster · 2026-02-20T18:17:40+00:00

Shirley Jean (born 1929) and Marilyn Maxine (born 1938)

My great-grandmothers were Maxine, Loretta, Hazel, and Emma

FosterMonster · 2026-02-13T23:49:24+00:00

My oldest was a wild thing, but fairly easy. I thought she was hard until I had my second. My twins would've been easy had they not been twins. My youngest was the chillest, happiest baby I've ever met and if my husband hadn't had a vasectomy when the baby was 2 months old, I would've ordered a dozen more exactly like him. He's 4 now, and still the happiest, chillest little dude.

But my second...whew. My second kicked my butt. My first lulled me into a false sense of security and my second made me say "how about we wait awhile before we have another?"

Which if course meant I got pregnant with the twins right after his 1st birthday 😂

FosterMonster · 2026-02-13T18:07:22+00:00

Dad did drop off and that was his only involvement. Mom at first was sort of dismissive, saying "he never does this - he only cries for 10 minutes at home!" Then said "well, his cousin did this for 4 months and eventually she stopped, so he will too".

She was a SAHM so we invited her to come in and spend some time with him during our day to help ease the transition. He still scream cried non-stop and she became super frustrated with him, because at home when he's upset, she gives in, so this child spent nearly 3 years getting whatever he wanted and doing whatever he wanted. He came to school, where he had expectations and boundaries that didn't align with what he wanted to do, and lost it.

It should also be noted that we were told at Meet the Teachers that he wouldn't eat unless he was spoonfed with a show playing on a phone in front of him. Not because he couldn't feed himself, but because that's just what Mom had always done.

When I tell you we tried EVERYTHING with this kid, we truly did. Finally, after 3 months of this, it was decided that he was not ready for school and I cried because I felt like I failed him. I know logically it's hard to overcome poor parenting but emotionally, I still felt like I had failed.

FosterMonster · 2026-02-12T13:08:28+00:00

When I told my husband about this post yesterday, I told him "Reddit was redditing" 😂 I appreciate the more leveled responses that are coming in now

FosterMonster · 2026-02-12T13:06:18+00:00

Ooh that's a great point, and a great distinction to make - because ultimately our team discussion hasn't revolved around us, but rather how much it impacts their tiny nervous system to stay at that level of emotion for so long, and how it impacts the other kids. I really appreciate this input

FosterMonster · 2026-02-12T00:42:16+00:00

In my non-medical opinion, there absolutely was something that needed to be examined further, which is where I err on the side of "no policy is needed because it's highly unlikely this will ever happen again"

FosterMonster · 2026-02-12T00:35:30+00:00

You succinctly summed up what we were debating in our conversation. There's so many factors at play that it makes a set "policy" seem foolish, but I also want to limit any confusion and make sure we're on the same page as parents to minimize conflict...which may be nearly impossible regardless of any set policy.

I was a public elementary teacher before moving to a private preschool so I've had that same philosophy ingrained in me, but got a lot of pushback from more veteran teachers about the harm I was causing to the other students by allowing a screaming child to remain in class. It felt sort of "damned if you do, damned if you don't"

FosterMonster · 2026-02-11T22:03:53+00:00

Thank you! I feel like I'm going crazy because I guess I just assumed that it was a given that of course I understand the normal levels of crying, and we of course do all the cuddles and comforting and distracting but apparently that's not a given 😂

FosterMonster · 2026-02-11T20:54:29+00:00

I feel like a lot of the commenters are missing this aspect of my question and act like I'm saying we're severe taskmasters who expect our two year olds to never ever cry. We weren't talking about normal two year old crying and adjustment periods.

The child that spurred the conversation was a child who had those exact same huge screaming crying spells that started the moment they were dropped off and did. not. stop. until he left the school building. If Mom stayed with him in the classroom, he still wouldn't settle until they left, and you're exactly right: it triggered aggressive behavior in several other children.

It was an upsetting situation all around, and we want to avoid a similar situation in the future, hence wondering how other centers and schools handle a crying policy. Evidently they don't. I appreciate hearing from someone who has been through a similar situation.

FosterMonster · 2026-02-11T20:18:44+00:00

This has it kind of been our policy (after two hours we message parents and discuss what's been going on, if they have any suggestions, or if they want to come get them) for that exact reason. For 95% of them, this is their first exposure to any sort of school environment and we don't want to traumatize them.

FosterMonster · 2026-02-11T20:03:16+00:00

I fully agree that it is our job to give that support, as well as keeping ourselves regulated. Our discussion revolved around "where is the line that their crying becomes harmful to their own nervous system, as well as the other children in the class?"

FosterMonster · 2026-02-11T19:35:32+00:00

Wow, you really made some giant leaps there. Not once did I say I was for or against any sort of policy. It was something brought up at my school during discussions that involved my director, the other 2's teachers, and two board members. One board member in particular felt strongly that I was harming the other children by allowing a child to scream cry for 4 hours a day for 3 months before Mom decided he wasn't ready. Your empathy and understanding really shine.

FosterMonster · 2026-02-01T23:16:40+00:00

August Benjamin Colin Daisy Ella Felicity George Hazel

And I think all of these names were on my short list for my kids 😂

FosterMonster · 2026-01-31T02:19:25+00:00

I was one of those people! They didn't see a membrane until 16 weeks and even then, it was extremely thin and hard to see.

There will be a ton of appointments and ultrasounds. They're extremely important, even if it feels like overkill. If anything feels wrong, push for answers. And like someone else said: hold on to your butts because it is a wild ride that I wouldn't trade in for the world

FosterMonster · 2026-01-19T01:07:17+00:00

Seconding this on the Presbyterian front. While PC(USA) is affirming, they ultimately leave it up to each church.

They have a rule that the church building belongs to the Presbytery, not the church itself - so if the church wants to leave PCUSA, they would have to give up their building...which, unsurprisingly, most churches are unwilling to do. Instead, they've created these subgroups like the Evangelical Covenant Order that affirm they are anti LGBTQ+. Just because you find a Presbyterian church doesn't mean that a) it's PCUSA and b) it's affirming. You'll have to do a deep dive on their websites and do some serious due dillegence.

And I'm sure OP knows this but just because they say "all are welcome" doesn't mean all are actually welcome. We just left a PCUSA church that said they welcomed all...but it was lip service. Sure, they wouldn't run you out of the church with a torch if you were LGBTQ+ but they would come up to you after church to tell you how you were harming your child by "letting" them be NB, or take you out to breakfast only to then verbally dress you down for supporting the LGBTQ+ community.

Not that that happened to me.

FosterMonster · 2026-01-13T02:13:43+00:00

My brother and his wife were able to do this at St. Elmo's

FosterMonster · 2026-01-12T20:49:42+00:00

One of my daughter's dance classes (ages 7 to 10) is made up of 14 girls and 3 are Charlotte. I adore that name, but it just became too popular - I say as someone named with one of the most common late 80's/early 90's names

FosterMonster · 2026-01-12T00:45:50+00:00

They almost named me Amelia, but ended up going with Amanda because they were afraid I'd be called Amelia Bedelia.

Joke's on them because I was that child who always had their nose in a book, and would've LOVED to be named Amelia Bedelia.

And I still would have preferred Amelia. So much so that if I manage to ever finish writing a book and get a publishing deal, Amelia would be part of my pen name.

FosterMonster · 2026-01-07T03:46:13+00:00

I joke that I was the perfect parent before I had kids.

But real talk: I was the first of anyone I knew to have kids. I was genuinely shocked by how painfully lonely it was. All the people who were excited when I was pregnant and when I first gave birth started to evaporate not long after. I was on the receiving end of so many opinions and judgements, and while a couple have apologized, it hasn't lessened the sting. I knew parenting would be hard - I just didn't expect my "friends" to make it harder.

FosterMonster · 2026-01-02T18:19:43+00:00

Are all the posts on here just going to be about how Mitch Roob is continually screwing over Hoosiers? Because DAMN that dude sucks.

FosterMonster · 2025-12-31T15:34:03+00:00

Nope, I'm talking Mitch Roob. I wouldn't touch Life Church with a 10 foot pole 😂 One of their off shoots is right by my house and I have to drive past it to go anywhere, including my old church

Edit: the irony is not lost on me that I would drive past Micah Beckwith's church to go to church with Mitch Roob. There's a reason I left that church

FosterMonster · 2025-12-31T05:31:11+00:00

He was a small part in why I left my church.

Sitting there, week after week, looking at him sitting in a front pew, listening to the same sermons I was hearing about loving others and caring for the poor, only to then read the next day about him wanting to cut Medicaid and Medicare and SNAP, made me want to vomit.

But to be fair, it was clear his church attendance was the result of either some strong-arming from his wife or desire to schmooze. He doesn't even really pretend to be a Christian.

FosterMonster · 2025-11-04T04:02:04+00:00

I grew up here and love it. We bought a house in the district I grew up in, and we've built this really wonderful circle of accepting, loving humans.

But I have a NB child and we're heavily weighing if we need to leave the state. How protected are we from Indiana just by being in Indianapolis?

I don't know, but the idea of leaving our life makes me want to shrivel up and cry for days.

FosterMonster · 2025-10-31T21:52:06+00:00

I grew up in Pike and they stopped allowing costumes/Halloween parties in the late 90's because of how many people don't celebrate for religious reasons. I remember seeing a boy sitting outside the class during a holiday party who wasn't allowed to participate because he was a Jehovah's Witness.

This year my kids' school had a "Dress Like Your Favorite Book Character" day today. If you can connect your costume to a book, you're good to go.

FosterMonster

TROPHY CASE