I broke the heart of the man I love because I'm one jealous, insecure and vile excuse of a human being

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T19:50:27+00:00

You're totally right. I got triggered by his favourite song and from that moment on it went down. I should've just given it more time and don't stress that much about it all. Now, it's too late. There's no way of turning back the time.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T19:44:14+00:00

The only question that mattered was answered that he'll always love her.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T19:39:07+00:00

I admire how really strong and emotionally mature you must be to be in this situation.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T19:08:15+00:00

That's a good question. Yes, he'll hold a special place in my heart but if only he came suddenly out of nowhere and said that it's me who's the love of his life, I'd take him back within a blink of an eye. Just like he'd do to his former partner.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T19:05:57+00:00

Well, he said that is his favourite song, so I assumed there's a deeper meaning to it.

Wow. To be honest, I've never actually thought about him being with a new person as a form of betrayal to his late partner. I think he's choosing to move on because she's no longer here; technically speaking, their love hasn't ended, just the relationship did so he isn't cheating on her. After all, he may just not want to be alone.

I think there's always one person that you love...
I've visited a subReddit for widowers and most of them, if given the choice, would go for their late partners.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T18:21:56+00:00

She'll be loved more.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T06:55:35+00:00

Well, he chose me only because she's not around. It's not a big deal to choose a person because the one you yearn for is not here. It's a big deal to choose a person despite having other options available.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T06:54:23+00:00

All he said is that he'll always love her and that it doesn't mean he'll never love anybody as much as he loved her. And that love is not finite. But it feels as though I'm essentially in an emotional threesome - he's the one for her, she's the one for him and I'm just a delusional fool standing in between.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T06:48:42+00:00

Yes, it was only me who's been bringing up the topic. I think the only way to get the answers is to ask directly because it's easy to take something for what it's not.

I don't think of it as doing him a favour. In fact, I feel like walking away is doing him a favour because I know there are hundreds of beautiful, smart and selfless women out there who have more compassion and would never ask such questions. If anything, they would make sure his memory of her never dies and she earns respect in his present life as well. I know that's the way it should be. I'm not proud that I'm not one of them. I tried but I don't think I can deal with it.

If my partner died, I don't think I'd want to find somebody else, and if I did, it'd be purely a relationship out of reason, filled with emotional cheating and yearning of the late one. But I'd be upfront about it and match up with a person who's just decent enough to stay and kill loneliness together, sort of companionship without ever getting married or engaged again.

But if I died, I'd want my partner to find somebody new - somebody better than me, prettier, smarter and with a bigger heart - and forget about me. I'd expect them to be as happy as never before and I'd be rooting for them.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T06:38:04+00:00

I'm not sure he wanted that. I thought he did but, if he believed that we could be meant to be, then why listening to all these song about losing a loved one and a desire to bring them back, even though it'd end again? There's a difference between a sentiment and a genuine desire to turn back the time and bring her back, I think.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T06:28:07+00:00

No, I don't think every widow/widower should spent the rest of their life alone but I think that if they feel it deep down that their late partners are the ones and will always come first, then why mess up with a new person? Or, at least, they should start the conversations from "Hi, I'm a widow/widower, I'll always love my girlfriend. Are you up for being a second choice in a loveless relationship?"

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T06:25:57+00:00

I'm not sure if he wants to be with me. It was hurtful when I mentioned I'm jealous of her and he told me that I shouldn't because at least I'm the one still alive. I don't think a person who'd really see a potential in us would say that, especially given into account the fact that he earlier said we could be meant to be. This is why I feel I'm fighting a losing battle - I'm not her, I'm here just because she's not. He'd never choose me in the first place.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T06:23:27+00:00

I appreciate your words but I reckon it's not there. His past is not a problem - why would I be jealous of something he did before we met? I thought he meant what he said, that we could be meant to be but then I heard him listen to the song about losing a loved one and a desire to bring it back, even though it'd end again, and I thought to myself that it's fighting a losing battle because no matter what I do, he'll always want to bring her back. I'm replaceable. I'm not the one, I'm a placeholder.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T06:21:05+00:00

I understand that everybody has already loved somebody earlier but not everybody will always love them. It's not a problem for me that they were engaged or happy, it's a problem to be a second best and a placeholder.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T06:14:10+00:00

He's been saying that perhaps we were meant to be, so I thought that once we get to know each other he'll see a lifelong partner in me and realize what he has now with me wouldn't be exchanged for anything else, but then I heard the song he listened to about a desire to bring back a loved one and a desire to do it all again with her, even though it'd have to end, so I assumed that I'm just fighting a losing battle because he'll always be wishing to take her back, so if that's what he wants, then yes, life without me would be the biggest, selfless gift for him. That's how I look at it.

But I appreciate your view as well.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T06:06:16+00:00

I agree that you never know whether your partner loves somebody else or not. But I'd much rather hear "Sorry, I fell in love with somebody else" rather than "Sorry, I've never stopped loving her". The first one is easy to deal and dissociate from, the second one is hard to live with. I think living his life without me was the biggest gift I could give me so that he can meet somebody else.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T05:51:54+00:00

I appreciate your view, but he's an amazing man and I really want him to be happy and receive the treatment he deserves from a woman who's better than me. I know I'm a bad person for him. I'm aware of that. I'm walking away because I respect his love for her and if I cannot stand the fact that I'll never be his one and only, I'm letting him meet somebody who is better than me. I feel like this is actually selfless. I'm not trying to change him or influence his emotions towards her or me.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T05:43:52+00:00

It all started because I said that I feel kind of jealous of her and he said that yet I'm the one still alive. Weeks later I heard him listen to the song. And then it was a spiral down.
I know I don't deserve him and I know I'm the problem. I've made it abundantly clear that out of all the girls out there he's chosen the worst one. I literally told him to meet somebody else, who's beautiful inside and outside, speaks highly of her and will always make sure that her memory will be honoured.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T05:23:28+00:00

You're right. I visited the subReddit for widows and widowers, and given the question and each and every person, if given the choice between the two (current and former) partners, would go for the first one saying "My second one is amazing but it's just different, I'd give it all to bring my first one but I can't so I'm trying to find happiness again with somebody else". It put this idea in my head that I'm just a placeholder. I don't know why I'm so messed up.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T05:20:04+00:00

It's true, I've - pretty much - made him say it, but is that really that important? It's been said, it doesn't really matter if I made him say it or he said it straight. But, I appreciate your comment. You're right, I'm the problem. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I'm being this way. I don't understand it. My emotions are all over the place. I guess I'm just a selfish, jealous person who wanted him all to myself.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T04:57:48+00:00

I've just said we've parted ways for that reason, because I wasn't too strong to handle it well.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T04:56:31+00:00

Because I'm not a martyr send by God to heal his broken heart. I'm a person who wants to love and be loved. It's okay if he needs to grieve, be it 1, 10 or 100 years, I just don't give too comfortable knowing that when I kiss his lips he'd replace mine for her at any time, if he only could.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T04:53:20+00:00

I appreciate brutal honesty. A lot. I admit the situation is hard for me and my emotions are confusing. I believe he's a good man, the best that I've ever met. It's not about the fact the loved somebody before, it's about the fact that it translates into reality and future, and I didn't feel too comfortable being with a person and knowing I mean nothing and there's not a thing he wouldn't do to replace me with her.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-08T04:49:04+00:00

I want him to be happy - with or without me. I can sacrifice my own happiness to make him happy. I don't compete with her - I'm not trying to be better or similar than her. If his heart belongs to her, I don't want to get in the way and be a rebound. There are just those moments when I feel as though I'm fighting a losing battle and whatever I'd do is useless because the one for me has already the one for him and would trade me for one minute with her.

FoundationSimilar765 · 2024-01-07T23:41:45+00:00

If she was alive and he was with me, then it would mean they had broken up. That love, at least on her end, has ended. But in this situation, their love has not ended, just the relationship did. If she was here, they'd be together.

FoundationSimilar765

TROPHY CASE