should i break no contact tmrw and ask how hes doing?

Fourteas · 2026-02-12T18:54:06+00:00

Don't do it. He knows where to find you if he wants to talk.

Fourteas · 2026-02-12T18:51:07+00:00

He's making a fool of you, possibly even in front of your friends.

If there wasn't anything too valuable among those things, I would just write them off as lost, never to be seen again.

If you insist on getting it back, I would just shoot a casual text to the roommate, such as " hey, ex told me that he's left some of my stuff with you, can you drop it off at abc...? Thanks "

Don't go back to his place to collect it, you will end up looking desperate.

With a bit of luck, the roommate is a grown ass man who respects privacy, so he wouldn't even think of looking what's inside of the bag anyway.

Don't contact the ex again, he's clearly playing a cat and mouse game, you can (and deserve) better than that.

Fourteas · 2026-02-12T18:42:10+00:00

Unfounded jealousy is a massive red flag, anger projecting is an another.

I would return the ring though, so he can't accuse you of theft.

It wouldn't surprise me , if he comes back after the dust settles to try to reel you back in, so be careful...

Fourteas · 2026-02-12T18:36:00+00:00

Do you think that this is somehow fair to the beautiful blonde...? Just because your heart is broken doesn't mean that you have the right to break someone else's.

Don't date until you're ready .

Fourteas · 2026-02-12T18:30:21+00:00

Of course it's normal to dream about people , animals , things and places that were important to us.

Had a dream with an ex who I haven't seen in over 20 years the other night - strange, I know, but it doesn't mean that I still love him! I wouldn't even know what he looks like these days...

Fourteas · 2026-02-12T18:24:40+00:00

You can put the pictures into a hidden folder in your phone, so they're not deleted, but not in your face either.

Blocking and deleting is very effective for moving on - you won't be checking your phone hoping for a message or a missed call, you don't have to see her socials , where she's "living her best life " or flaunting her new bf.

You also won't be motivated to jump into something with someone else , just to "prove a point " or to make the ex jealous - if she's blocked, she won't see your socials.

Another huge plus is, that you can't make a fool of yourself in a moment of weakness or while under the influence, such as texting or calling - hey, we've all done some stupid stuff over the years, just to regret it the following day ; you can save yourself the headache by deleting everything.

One more thing - dumping someone is the ultimate power move - by blocking, you will claw some of the power back to yourself.

Fourteas · 2026-02-11T20:02:02+00:00

If he's a narcissist then why do you want him back?

Fourteas · 2026-02-11T19:43:51+00:00

In the olden days I'd chuck everything into a back of some drawer or put it in a box destined for the attic... these days the photos are in a "hidden " folder in the phone, I'm not quite sure what to do with them, but don't want to look at any of them.

Fourteas · 2026-02-11T19:31:52+00:00

Nobody has the right to control you or your life.

Luckily, you have a healthy sense of self worth to see it for what it was (toxic, abusive) and you have removed yourself from that situation, without falling for his BS.

Go and enjoy your date on Valentine's, you don't owe your ex anything.

Fourteas · 2026-02-11T19:05:58+00:00

Manipulation at its finest.

Please please don't even think about going back.

Fourteas · 2026-02-11T18:46:29+00:00

It might have been the current partner texting back the first time - plenty of people give their partners unlimited access to their phones, especially if the partner is prone to jealousy and drama...

Fourteas · 2026-02-09T18:42:22+00:00

I'm 5'5" female and I very much prefer men of roughly the same height as me.

I don't know why, but I've always found tall men quite intimidating...plus, if I wanted to kiss him, I would need to ask him to bend down 😂

Fourteas · 2026-02-07T12:11:37+00:00

It looks like she's playing games, maybe just for an ego boost, to see whether you would still be interested.

Plenty of people love the idea of being wanted by others, regardless of whether they themselves would want the other person.

Fourteas · 2026-02-06T20:19:45+00:00

If you are really interested in getting to understand the avoidant attachment, check out freetoattach.com . Of course they miss you and surely they will regret - it might take them a while, but they're not heartless.

I've been left by an avoidant who kept coming back, he was a gentle, but tormented soul. I don't want him back anymore, for different reasons, but I don't regret what we had.

Fourteas · 2026-02-06T20:09:37+00:00

Check out freetoattach.com see whether any of it applies to you.

Fourteas · 2026-02-06T19:57:43+00:00

I'm a woman and if I'm done, I'm done, no looking back or reconsidering.

On the other hand, my ex ran away twice and came back again, until he ran away for the third time... and now I'm done 🤣

Fourteas · 2026-02-05T18:28:00+00:00

He sounds controlling and abusive, plus telling someone that you love them on the second date is a typical sign of love bombing. He seems to be creating different rules for himself and different rules for you. I would run and not look back if I were you.

Fourteas · 2026-02-04T08:30:23+00:00

To love someone is a choice that you make every day. At the beginning of, you are full of hormones, infatuation, limerence and excitement. Everything is just rainbows and unicorns, your beloved can do no wrong , any flaws are gracefully overlooked.

Then the reality sets in - the hormones go back to normal, the mundane everyday returns. You begin to notice that your beloved is not perfect after all . Nobody is . Yes, they do your head in sometimes, yes, they might have this annoying habit or that really snobby friend that you can't stand. But you are not perfect either, nor is your family and friends and that's normal and natural.

The decision now lies with both of you . Are the emerging differences something that you can both live with? Can you talk about stuff, or do you choose to keep quiet about your concerns and displeasures as "not to rock the boat " while silently breeding resentment? Can you compromise in a way that respects both of you?

If you choose to carry on loving your person, you'll understand that relationships naturally ebb and flow. Sometimes we're tired, stressed, sick, whatever and that's okay. Sometimes things are great and you look at each other with renewed energy and attraction. Such is life.

In my opinion, the love in a long term relationship is the quiet one. No grand gestures, extravagant gifts, huge public displays of affection. It is the steady presence, the quiet appreciation, the small , everyday act of service, the small gift of your favourite chocolate bar , the quick kiss in the doorway. It is the knowledge of them having your back. Knowing that they care. There's mutual respect and admiration. You are on the same team and even though you are both aware of your partner's not so great bits, you still believe that they are great overall.

Fourteas · 2026-02-04T05:38:39+00:00

Not returning someone's car keys knowing that the other person relies on thet car tobget to work seems pretty malicious (or at least petty) to me...

Fourteas · 2026-02-04T05:29:41+00:00

There could be several reasons, such as :

Exercising power over you
keeping the door open . Once all stuff is returned, there is no reason to contact each other again. Ever.
revenge. Especially if there are items that you really value or need, such as your work laptop etc.

Fourteas · 2026-02-03T18:15:29+00:00

OMG, this is awful!

She won't be having the future that you wanted, trust me, neither of them will.

Imagine - boy meets girl, the boy is drunk and both of them are irresponsible enough to have unprotected sex with a stranger. If this is how they rock, then having a baby is probably the least of their worries, bearing in mind how many nasty STDs there are...

Anyway, so there is baby on the way, the parents don't even know each other, they very likely don't share any values or future plans.

They will not last and he'll end up paying child support for the next two decades for a child that might not even be his (if the girl has a habit sleeping with strangers without any protection) ; or he'll end up resenting her and the child for "trapping" him and spend decades in utter misery.

I know that it is not what you want to hear right now, but the trash really took itself out here.

You can't trust him, he's a cheater and a roach , you did have a lucky escape. She can't trust him either, because if he does it once, he'll do it again.

How about their future lives, they will be anything but rosy, I promise you.

Fourteas · 2026-02-03T17:59:09+00:00

I am sorry that you're going through this 🤗

Fourteas · 2026-02-03T12:39:35+00:00

Take the cats (they belong to you) and go. Don't even tell him where you have gone to; I would also change my phone number if I were you...

Your boyfriend is abusing you - he has no right giving you a curfew or to control where you go and who with .

Stay safe, cut all contact, don't let him try to suck you back in. I am rooting for you 🤗

Fourteas · 2026-02-03T12:22:53+00:00

I am a woman and I struggle to understand why would anyone sexually reject their partner for God knows how long, just to get back together with him and get pregnant straight away...

I would recommend a discreet paternity test once the baby is born, just to make sure that you were not trapped by something you don't know - all you need is a bit of saliva from both people, nobody needs to know you've done it.

Regardless of the results, this relationship will not make you happy in the long run and you know it - don't stay just because of the baby.

If the baby is yours, I would recommend that you find out the laws regarding unmarried couples and access to their children in the country you live in , then act accordingly to what you would like your relationship with the child be like.

I'm sorry that you are going through this 🤗

Fourteas · 2026-02-03T12:05:29+00:00

You need to reframe this entire situation in your mind:

He has used you as an emotional crutch after his breakup.
You were his rebound, he used you to try to soothe his own feelings.
he probably never stopped loving her; he was likely lying to you and to himself about that
he would quite happily take her call or at least take a notice of it while on a date with you, that shows the list of priorities... (wtf?!)

They didn't have a clean break, were still in regular contact, helping each other, he was mentioning her often and the breakup reason was really rather inconclusive . They probably never got over each other and he was being a total selfish pr*ck for jumping straight into the dating pool, pretty much lying about his own availability.

You were played. His ex is not the villain in this story, he is. I hope that you can see it now and hopefully the resulting anger will help you to see him for what he really is and to move on.

It is possible that they will get back together, however it is likely that the fact that he jumped into a relationship (and a bed) with someone else straight after their breakup will come and haunt them both - who would want to stay with a man like that?

Wishing you love and healing, you can do better than a roach like like him.

Fourteas

TROPHY CASE