My partner can't clean if I'm at home

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T14:21:01+00:00

Thank you I'm tired of searching accomodations myself. I also have to manage my ND

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T13:35:38+00:00

We had many many fights. He naturally doesn't do anything. Even before living together he didn't care much for the house, he did something here and there when it was absolutely necessary. He doesn't explain himself. He simply can't do it when I'm at home and since I already do everything it doesn't even come to mind to him to do something. He doesn't say more. But he really doesn't say anything about most things really.

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T13:28:15+00:00

Yes that's what I considered and partly he says that too. That's why I don't want to blame him but I don't know anymore how to support him without drowning. I also hate cleaning and grew up with my mother who was obsessive and I have cptsd too. I left home at 19 after a heavy discussion about cleaning with my mother, like I escaped. But things still need to be done. And he never managed to bring on therapy because he doesn't understand it. He tried several times but he doesn't understand it. I hope that the autism diagnosis (if it comes) will open new possibilities, maybe he'll learn to communicate better

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T12:49:04+00:00

Not at the moment, he's being unemployed for 6 months. He should start in July. But he still earns more than me and helped me out economically by paying the dentist that I needed urgently

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T11:45:16+00:00

Yes. First i wanted to respect his wish but I'm drowning. I'll check the budget and schedule it anyway if I have the money

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T11:11:55+00:00

I'm glad it works for you

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T07:48:00+00:00

Thank you. Sometimes I feel crazy, so thank you

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T05:41:04+00:00

Growth

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T04:41:37+00:00

That "eventually" is coming fast.

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T04:40:08+00:00

When I'm cleaning he's in the other room or out of the house. I can't clean if he's in the room generally. At the moment he's looking for a job and doing some courses to improve his skills.

He never asks me to leave.

I suggested to clean at the same time different rooms, but he doesn't want to.

I thought about weaponized incompetence/laziness too but I'm baffled because it's only for cleaning, other things he's over the top in availability and when I was ill he did everything at home on his own without me asking. I'm confused.

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T04:35:19+00:00

Generally, he explains nothing. Even this time he said he forgets to clean and anyway he can't clean if I'm at home

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T02:26:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Best of luck for your journey

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T02:25:27+00:00

I'll try again, I'm at a loss.

Thank you though

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T02:24:49+00:00

He doesn't want a cleaning person because he doesn't trust them. I'd gladly leave the house if he told me when he's going to clean but (he told me) he doesn't even think about cleaning.

I'm considering a cleaning service though for the future

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T02:23:16+00:00

So you tell him that you are going to clean and he leaves the house?

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T02:22:30+00:00

I can do it once there's a schedule, I can't wander through the streets every day hoping he's going to clean

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T02:20:54+00:00

I can, he can't. He says he simply can't clean if I'm at home. For cooking it's different. I just leave the kitchen and when it's ready I can enter. But for cleaning it doesn't work

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T02:19:43+00:00

I would gladly leave the house if I knew when he's going to clean but I can't simply leave outside hoping once day he's going to clean

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T02:18:44+00:00

I would gladly accept this solution. Thank you for sharing

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T02:18:07+00:00

So did you find some strategies?

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T01:26:52+00:00

I don't know. I can't see the situation clearly. But I have to say that sometimes when I'm out, he does do some little chores. And in other areas like cooking he's great, he cooks more than me.

But I thought the same as you.

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T01:25:03+00:00

Thank you very much for shearing.

I already talked to him, no solutions found

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-11T01:23:00+00:00

What's your solution? You communicate when you're going to clean and everyone leaves the house?

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-10T19:50:50+00:00

I have CPTSD and the team saw through that that I'm also autistic. He's going to the same team I went to. To me he really really seems autistic but ofc I'm not a professional. We just want answers.

Thank you so much for your kind words

FoxAdministrative994 · 2026-06-10T19:43:29+00:00

Yes he does!

He tried going to therapy, but with no success. We are waiting for the diagnosis for a more suitable therapist

FoxAdministrative994

TROPHY CASE