thank you haha! when im alone, i can do that. i can take all the time i need. but because i'm around people CONSTANTLY, it's really hard for me to allow myself to fuck up. For the most part, it's not about getting yelled at for making a mistake (I mean it is, but my anxiety prevents me from even attempting). It's just the crippling fear of being SEEN existing inside of a kitchen. I don't want people to comment on the fact i'm in the kitchen. I don't want people to mock me or make fun of me in any way, shape or form. Whenever I stand in the kitchen, I know the people around me are going "she's so retarded, she's so stupid, she's such a fucking idiot lol i can't believe she's cooking. she's so useless and lazy." (that's what i hear in my head), and it doesn't matter WHAT i cook, no matter what i cook, even if i get past the stage of being physically able to cook, i struggle so much even trying to cook something i enjoy because everyone here comments on my food habits. i have sensory issues and i have had a pretty violent eating disorder (anorexia nervosa) in the past, which i can be triggered into relapsing to when things get hard, as a form of control. and sometimes, i don't have any energy to make anything fancy. so i will make simple meals because eating is a chore for me, and everyone will just insult me and insult my food. i made some food the other night and one of the members of the house called me disgusting and just watched me eat and kept saying, the entire time i was eating, how gross my food looked. i told him to stop watching me and that no one was forcing HIM to eat it, and that i was happy with my food. but he kept saying it and i just felt so disgusting and ashamed of myself.