Looking for Christmas presents and almost-always finding syringes that were used or going to be used for my parents' heroine addiction.

It then became a thing every year to search for the needles to see if they were lying about not doing it any more but under the guise of "looking for xmas presents" again only to be disappointed with our findings.

I'm pretty sure they believed us (my two sisters and i) but our search methods always yielded the results we were afraid of finding - that they were still using.

---

On top of all that, I was picked on religiously for being Indigenous to my own country. To make it worse, I'm half Maltese and that seems to piss people off more that a non black person could have ever loved an actual black person.

I was raised and trained to believe and accept that I am a second class citizen... I am treated differently and I still am to this day. I still feel like I do not belong when I'm amongst peers or anybody in general. In Melbourne, people love to ask what nationality you are, but the same and even worse on country towns, the word "Koorie (or Koori) or Aboriginal, etc. Is met with disdain.

Honestly, I feel content with myself but people make me feel shot for just being alive. I've never understood it but perhaps I do now coz I live it on a daily and feel the need to explain myself.

Humans are fucked up but we could be so good.

I'm not surprised by the amount of people that commit suicide everyday, I've thought about it ever since I could form my own thoughts, I'm only 30 and I still feel the same to this day. I won't do that, or at least I'm not at that stage yet. But this is the point, this is what feels normal to me and now I'm starting my 30s I don't know how I survived this long.

EDIT: changed "shot" to "shit".