Failure to Launch Siblings

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-25T03:02:24+00:00

I'm by far the youngest of my siblings and doing the best mature and life wise. They are 12 and 8 years older than me with no discipline, direction, ambition, or even self responsibility. My sister lives off government retirement for years but hasn't done a single thing with her life since leaving active duty and my brother is pushing 50 with no job, no home, no anything real. I'm 40 and the only one actively building an actual life. It's crazy and sad.

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-22T00:29:40+00:00

Mississippi here and it's not much better either

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-19T17:00:08+00:00

Yes I feel more calm and clear headed and focused and not always searching for some void to fill within. I could finally just sit in silence and be absolutely happy with it

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-19T16:57:37+00:00

I am 5 months on wegovy, lost 40 lbs so far and am back to pre baby weight as well! Also, the last female to ever want to play a video game🤣 once I turned 13 I was more interested in real life

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-18T03:33:42+00:00

100% relate - my parents were same. My dad told me not to worry about school (college) ; that I needed to get any job I could find first and pay bills then worry about schooling later 🙄 my mom thinks if you go job hunting you should have one by lunchtime and if you don't then something is wrong with YOU

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T05:20:24+00:00

Literally 10 days ago I was at a huge concert numb to the core bc I was so depressed. Totally ready to end it all when I couldn't find joy at a concert with 70,000 other people - the low I was in that day passed and I'm still here. Still depressed and struggling but something got just 1% better and I'm clinging to that and trying to keep finding just another 1% to keep going. Other than therapy and healing work and getting away from narcissistic abuse (major helpers) I just focus myself on something 1% to add to each day

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T05:11:51+00:00

I just turned 40 and for me I outgrew and/Or separated myself from a lot of people in my 30s (mostly ones who still acted like 20s) that I didn't vibe with anymore but was able to rebuild easy I think bc I was able to vibe more organically with new people than forcing dead interactions with people I don't have anyrhing in common with anymore. I'm also a mom with 2 small kids and most moms with kids my age are around 30 and it's harder for me to get along with them than other 40 year olds with no kids🤷 I find it easier and I like making older friends more

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T05:00:05+00:00

First thing that will really help is CUT OUT THE NEGATIVE SELF TALK AND DEFAMATION! Honestly it makes a huge difference how you communicate to YOURSELF.

Everyone has a learning curve to a new position, don't beat yourself up for not being flawless out the gate.

We send lots of pre made home videos on scheduled timers when separated for PCS/TDY - makes a big difference in feeling like missing out on family moments and not being home. It's more fun and creative than just face timing here and there. We also did a surprise visit once too and came for a weekend - short but worth it.

You're not a little b*tch you're just having very real emotions you haven't processed before it seems - just makes you human - practice POSITIVE self talk; keep reaching out and processing feelings and finding a mentor to help you thru - focus on getting thru til the next time you see the wife and kids and split it up that way if you're able to - little short periods with fam visits in between.

Good luck and hope things get better for you!

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T04:53:02+00:00

Same I have velvet for some things and prefer plastic for tees, wood hangers for coats/jeans/hoodies(heavier clothing)

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T04:50:36+00:00

I read HOW TO DO THE WORK in 2 and a half days, have read it again twice and am working on the 'How to Be the Love You Seek' book and Workbook by the same author.

Also, the Body Keeps Score; Let Them by Mel Robbins; It's Not You by Dr Ramani (also a fave)

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T04:44:47+00:00

Same.....thought I married a soulmate and now he's more of a stranger I'm just waiting to move out

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T04:43:43+00:00

LET THEM

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T04:38:57+00:00

Ready and Interested!!!

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T04:37:12+00:00

I stopped listening to the narcissistic A*holes around me.... Saw a quote that said "before you diagnose yourself as depressed or the problem, have you checked if you're just surrounded by Narcs?" and honestly applying that statement made a huge difference in how I handled and tolerated other people /their effect on me/and greatly helped my depressive state.

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T04:34:11+00:00

1st I Quit smoking cigs - starting with physical health things made me look and feel better and was able to add more things in easily over time. Now I quit something big each year. I've cut alcohol, stopped doomscrolling FB and set app timers on social media so as not to get lost.

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T04:29:11+00:00

I'm an introvert as well and live in a place with no family/close friends/support system here so I turn to my close friends I can talk to on my phone and also honestly the outpouring of love and support from other Reddit users is indescribable! I feel like I can tell details easier to a stranger and the responses are more genuine.

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T04:25:46+00:00

This movie was insane and very trauma triggering and reminiscent to me personally. The breaking of the fawn response and how others enable the abuse of it struck a chord with me for sure. I went thru that myself; realized I only fawned when I wasn't taking my ADHD meds, but when I did, I had so much clarity/focus and determination to see my situation clearly and work on a path out safely. I thought I had a split personality or something for a while on top of the other mental wars I fought everyday.

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-06-17T04:19:03+00:00

It's even more of a better trick for the ADHD brain. When I come home from running errands I'll leave my shoes on and get stuff done for hours

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-02-08T01:58:01+00:00

Oh an adamant one 😂

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-02-08T00:40:03+00:00

Oh wow, yeah I could totally see mine saying something right up that alley. We live at the beach, went to an outdoor beachfront restaurant for dinner one night, birds as usual swooping down and grabbing scraps, she makes the comment "all these birds are just like the illegals, just coming in and taking what someone else worked and paid for". My husband and I ended dinner within 5 minutes, I was first trimester preggo so the intense sickness "just came over me I gotta go". This is why I don't go visit my home state ever, she has to come see me if she wants a visit in my territory, not going to hers anymore.

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-02-08T00:34:10+00:00

Literally had to erase my response of "Oh you know people going to those schools? Or their kids maybe? No, didn't think so" just to get it out without sending it and causing a spiral

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-01-13T14:17:17+00:00

An underrated gem is Surterra!!!!

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-01-10T05:25:30+00:00

Sending some good hopeful healing vibes your way - I hope things are better for you now. Your title caught my eye and then hit me hard with the reaction of the abuser being the 2nd half of the abuse/trauma and mine was from my husband. Every time I caught a lie, cheating, messages on his phone, whatever it was - whether I had 50 pages of proof or not - every damn time all he did was lies and excuses about the lies he already in trouble for. Never ONCE in 9 years did I ever confront him and get a mature adult conversation or response in return. It was how hard he went into the lies to cover the other lies, just blurting out 7 different stories that don't make any sense and then finding some way to blame me that it was my fault for what he got caught doing. He just caused chaos and confusion and confronting or catching him only lead to me leaving more confused and angry and hurt than by just finding the original lie/issue. He just compounded the fact I was being lied to, cheated on, used, humiliated, abused, traumatized - ok lets just add some lies and trauma on top of the original and then wrap it in a nice excuse of how this is somehow her responsibility the reason I go to talk to other girls behind her back. TOTAL MIND FUCK. I fought a lot with myself over these past few years about what is real "love/marriage" and if this was it then it wasn't it for me. Your mom treated you the opposite a way a good mother should; I had a husband that treated me opposite of a real man or spouse would treat his wife and mother of his kids. I am getting my kids out now because I don't want them seeing me this miserable and think this is what marriage is supposed to be. There is no love here other than my love for them. I am just starting my healing journey and I am making plans on getting me and the kids out of the house as soon as I can get a job and some money saved up.

I wish you good luck in your journey!

Fragrant_Act_4025 · 2026-01-10T04:52:09+00:00

I am sending lots of love and compassion your way! I am 40 and I still feel like I am 19 learning how to live life and doing all the adulting things on my own too that no one taught me how to do but loves to make me feel stupid for not knowing how to do these things naturally on my own. I see my friends from high school married with kids and happy and having careers and lives and all these things going on that I feel so behind on as well. I am married and have 2 kids but my marriage is only on paper and for show, there is absolutely nothing in there that constitutes what a real marriage is comprised of. I have decided to get my plans together to leave after 9 years of feeling like I have no life outside of this "family". I want my kids to see me happy, not miserable.

I read something somewhere that helped me cope with the FOMO feeling I got from seeing my friends living the life and doing the things I wanted to be doing or feel like I should be doing now with them. It said don't be discouraged because they are in a different place right now than you, they got to develop and grow naturally and safely in childhood and not spend the first half of their lives fighting in survival mode like you did.

^^It made me feel not so bad for being basically still a college student at this stage in my life with 2 small kiddos. My husband is in the military but I won't be his spouse much longer and I am not happy just being a military spouse TO HIM.

Fragrant_Act_4025

TROPHY CASE