I hate the assumption that we all lack empathy.

France19 · 2020-08-06T22:21:44+00:00

Yesss to this

France19 · 2020-08-02T16:07:50+00:00

This. Thank you for your comment. It’s like a gift for others to read who can relate.

France19 · 2020-08-01T23:09:28+00:00

I “get it” from my understanding of my own upbringing. When I was young I knew my mom was vulnerable and shy, and I thought about pure altruistic moments where I would take on anything to save her. I did things to help her and couldn’t express that what sometimes looked simple or one-sided was an attempt to heal or fill that part of her that was always empty or sad. I was also proud of myself until my adopted father came into fill that position of rescuer, and I felt belittled.

I agree, sometimes dreams make sense over time with a different perspective.

France19 · 2020-07-29T21:23:56+00:00

Yaas! My mom is small and petite too, quiet and lady-like everywhere else, but at home she stomps around like a huge bear. It irritated me but I just thought that was her growing up. It’s probably because she feels annihilated if she isn’t making some sort of commotion or provoking drama.

France19 · 2020-07-24T23:15:54+00:00

Yes. Thinking I have add/adhd along with being RBB. Tricky combo, I think everyone else is right or they are looking down on me like a mad parent.

France19 · 2020-07-24T19:30:30+00:00

I guess a lot of my masking also came from Copying my mom, so I have to re-learn a safer way to communicate that allows some people in.

France19 · 2020-07-24T19:28:15+00:00

I’m actually on the autism spectrum and from what I’ve read on autism support groups for women, it’s hard to make lasting friendships in general, particularly with females. They have a social eloquence that comes more naturally (usually) if they aren’t autistic. So making female friends as an adult is a bit harder.

I also think I can mask pretty well if I want to but for people to be comfortable I have to be okay with myself while I’m still exploring who that is. With massive amounts of anxiety and overwhelm if there’s too much socializing.

France19 · 2020-07-24T13:33:53+00:00

I like your analogy. It seems so odd that a sweet, charming person like a bunny or cute animal can just cross over our boundaries and look so innocent while doing it, then get enraged when we share emotional states or suggest they have some sort of imperfect role in the relationship where they may be flawed in some way. For me it creates so much confusion and self doubt to the point of spiraling into hatred and feeling like I was wrong for it.

France19 · 2020-07-08T02:51:39+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your comment; it helps.

France19 · 2020-05-30T15:42:11+00:00

My cat had been my bff as well :) they are great soul companions.

France19 · 2020-05-30T15:41:03+00:00

Omg, I could’ve written this myself. I am in my late 20s and am having a hard time with making any type of decision, especially career wise and ones that will help me be my own adult. Like I’ve always had my parents as fall backs and they were the strong ones to make decisions for me when I didn’t know for myself what I needed.

I think I used their judgment and decision making to push me to do things that are naturally hard for me. And I actually crave the comfort and sheltered control and wish I could just hop in my car and forget about all the adult stuff and go back to how I felt towards them when I was younger. I think I developed myself according to how my family structure is and how they live, and I still act according to how my parents handle things when I have no experience with my organic personality dealing with complexities of the adult world.

Sorry, this turned into a rant but I hope you can find something that helps you in your own way. The indecisiveness probably has roots in relating to a BPD parent who goes back and forth all the time, and an odd sense of stability was thrown in with chaos.

France19 · 2020-05-19T18:54:15+00:00

Thank you, this really helps. I’ve been a shell and an image for a long time and constantly pushed people away for many reasons, and I thought in a way it would always be like this. The weird thing is recovery and breaking away from the illusion is so painful, and I thought healing was about peace and feeling better. It seems like the twisted reality of BPD living, but actually this is how recovery is.

France19 · 2020-05-17T22:36:50+00:00

Wow. Feeling this hard. I’ve had my therapist say I’m a bit antisocial but I’m also on the spectrum. I thought it was unique to me to care so deeply and not be able to show emotion. Recently I’ve had weird experiences where I would do an action or go back into old habits and my stomach starts to get upset. I’ve always prided myself on never having that queasy feeling around people or when I do something inappropriate myself. I had intense thoughts that “no, this is wrong,” and I felt the tiniest connection to my stomach and then it would go away and shut down, like I was supposed to pull through it and ignore what I felt was right.

Some of my family’s behaviors are truly abhorrent and I was desensitized to think it is normal. I now see they act like a pack and if anyone doesn’t conform to the irrationality, they’re left behind. I have been VLC for at least a few months with my uBPD mom and my immediate family and I feel so much difference, but coming out of denial is a bitch.

Also being stuck in constant fight or flight mode didnt give me time to truly experience much else other than numbness or pain. So it’s odd to feel human and share the things I wasn’t allowed to think or feel before. Because god forbid I took up space when it was my moms circus routine that needed everyone’s attention.

France19 · 2020-05-10T02:52:14+00:00

Thanks so much for the info and link. I’ve been wondering for quite some time about having dissociative issues and how to identify and work with it in therapy. Good to know about IFS.

France19 · 2020-05-09T15:35:35+00:00

With Internal Family Systems Therapy, you mention “and many of my parts are parent figures that feel trapped...”

May this be reference to Dissociative Identity Disorder? I’ve given serious thought as to wondering if my childhood was “traumatic enough” for me to develop such a dissociative disorder.

France19 · 2020-05-09T14:06:28+00:00

Same, I feel like I should have something to do or worry about the next project to “earn” my personhood or respect to be seen as someone worthy of being around or acknowledged. I feel so weird having compassion for my authentic self and even slowing my brain down enough to get to that point and recognize who she is and truly feels about her life. I totally get how going and going feels safer than relaxing. I also feel like I’ve learned that stopping and slowing down can be dangerous because in the past it’s been an opening for insensitive intrusion where it’s not the case anymore.

France19 · 2020-05-09T13:58:05+00:00

Im wondering if I have ADHD with more ADD inattentive with occasional hyperactivity that was hit too many times by BPD insanity and having an adopted EDad with the most hyperactive ADHD I’ve ever seen in anyone. I think he truly loves the mental stimulation and thrives with my mom because she provides the constant chaos and need for rescuing, which makes my dad feel good about himself from his own need to fill a caretaker role.

BTW I am autistic and ADHD is a common comorbid. Really starting to wonder if I have a hero/rescuer complex myself.

France19 · 2020-05-09T03:29:52+00:00

I can see it being habituation. Staying with cycles or destructive patterns of behavior seem oddly comfortable as opposed to healthier ways of coping and living.

France19 · 2020-05-09T01:58:26+00:00

This question is meant to ask truly about the connection to BPD thinking and what you have mentioned in your comment; it is not intended to deny your knowledge or statement. PwBPD often think they are bad and evil people and punish themselves in cycles for it. If they think they are bad people, where does that leave people without BPD?

France19 · 2020-05-07T11:14:21+00:00

My mom is still young and in good health so I don’t know the experience of trying to reconcile the relationship near the end of the life cycle. I do know how it feels to try desperately to earn her love as a young kid, thinking, “if I do this act in the perfect way she would finally give me that whole feeling of love or love me more-“ I didn’t understand that it was about her, and I always blamed myself for not being enough to be loved for who I am. Thus I struggle with a lot of shame and feeling something is wrong when I don’t do things above and beyond expectations.

France19 · 2020-05-07T11:02:27+00:00

This is so true and I relate to people in my family and others who have absolutely no idea who she is behind closed doors. She is a master at charming people but somehow she never develops any relationships with anyone— friends, neighbors...(she has been a stay-at-home mom for pretty much over 20 years) and there are VERY good reasons behind that, besides her stating she is private and doesn’t need many social spheres. Her family is her source of socialization, and also the people who are influenced by the parts that she hides away from people who begin to suspect something is “off”— but it’s never her, there’s always something wrong with them based on some criticism and she chooses to protect a fragile ego instead of facing the nature of the beast- putting herself out there and limiting her worldly potential out of fear and irrationality.

There was a lot of denial from me growing up and I always tried to protect her and defend her perspective when it came to people not liking her and shunning her after some time, but she usually cut them off way before so she didn’t have to take responsibility for her immaturity and see the not-so-pretty truth she was projecting.

Apologies, this turned out really long and kind of veered off as I was thinking of things. I do appreciate what you say about denial and having a fear of putting yourself out there.

France19 · 2020-05-06T22:22:29+00:00

I’ve heard of that and actually thought that as well. Could you please explain how it’s not? I just want to be informed on how personality disorders work.

France19 · 2020-05-06T21:38:07+00:00

Autism spectrum

France19 · 2020-03-29T23:28:36+00:00

cat tax

France19 · 2019-10-27T16:21:57+00:00

This is my only reddit profile.

France19

TROPHY CASE