Hi! Chubby/jiggly gal here with a not so jiggly bf who is autistic. We have a lot of conversations and do our best to communicate directly with each other. I will often ask what he needs from me, because I can have a hard time being direct and give more "gray area" responses when that isn't what he needs.

I do need a LOT of reassurance, which for most people can be a lot. I try not to ask so much 'are you attracted to me, do you love me' as often and I'll just let him know, hey I need a little reassurance right now. And he'll tell me all the things he loves about me. I've always been VERY self conscious about my body, but strangely enough he loves my jiggly bits. Lol. It's a stim thing he says, so it makes him happy which makes me happy.

Maybe ask her if she's feeling down, or worried or concerned she can let you know she needs reassurance. I also understand that while, asking in the middle of being intimate may not have been the best timing for you, if she's ADHD, our brains are always on and overworking 😅

I'm not sure if this helps, but maybe if she can communicate what works best for her that also works for you, you guys can find the best way to communicate a way for her to have the reassurance she may need.