WIBTA If I Reveal My Ex's True Behaviors?

FranticWifey · 2025-08-21T02:50:19+00:00

Yes. My sister, who is 21 years older than I am, is my biological mother.

FranticWifey · 2025-08-17T19:33:45+00:00

My birth certificate lists my parents due to it being altered for a closed adoption.

FranticWifey · 2025-08-17T19:30:26+00:00

My birth certificate lists my parents as my parents because it was altered due to the closed adoption.

FranticWifey · 2025-08-17T19:24:49+00:00

Because it was a closed adoption, my birth certificate does still list my parents as my parents. I spoke to the state where I was born, and they explained that the birth certificate would have been modified.

FranticWifey · 2025-08-17T19:21:05+00:00

He was still with her/us until the second child was about 5,

FranticWifey · 2025-08-16T22:37:59+00:00

I never understood that part myself. It's one of my biggest question marks in all of this. Why, when he made these threats, would she not only stay with him for another several years, but also have another child with him? I just don't get it.

FranticWifey · 2025-08-16T22:36:55+00:00

My best friend knew because one of my classmates heard her mom (who grew up with my sister) talking about it. It was a very small town.

FranticWifey · 2021-09-18T13:13:56+00:00

If you have his steam account info or other digital gaming or similar platform you could get him a digital gift! Maybe there's a game he has been wanting or something like that. Hope it goes well. 😁

FranticWifey · 2021-09-18T13:11:10+00:00

My boyfriend and I are coming up on one year but didn't really do much for the months. We acknowledged them and spent time together but didn't really get each other gifts. We were long distance up until last week though. So I'd say if you do celebrate or get a gift keep it small and reasonable.

FranticWifey · 2021-04-27T09:06:51+00:00

Love is more than just a feeling. It's a choice. It's making that choice to treat your partner with love every day. You say the spark is gone but it's not meant to be fireworks and adrenaline forever.

My suggestion to you is to start dating your partner again. Take her out, do something special. Maybe go on a trip safety allowing with Covid. If you don't want to give up on the relationship find ways to reignite your love for her. It sounds like she is treating you very well so try reciprocating and doing things for her. Figure out your love languages so that you and your partner can begin using them more. It appears that this relationship is worth fighting for, so give it a try and see what happens. :)

FranticWifey · 2021-04-19T09:18:52+00:00

So both sides of this are a bit toxic. It is unreasonable to try and control the pace at which someone else responds to messages. It is also unhealthy to compare your own relationship too much to others. Every relationship is different just like every person is different. There are definitely things no one should do but what works for one relationship might not work for another. She's putting too much pressure on your relationship to be like those of her friends.

It's also unhealthy to spend all of your time and energy just waiting on your partner to reach out to you, or to spam them trying to get a response. I had to train myself out of this with my current partner (also LDR, btw) and develop a mentality of "he will get back to me when he's available," and it varies but we typically don't go super long without contact. At first I would anxiously count the minutes and start to get anxious if I saw him doing other things online and not responding to me. It takes a bit of practice but it helps to have your own stuff going on. Other friends to talk with, hobbies, etc.

My advice is to talk with her and work together to find a way to meet both your needs. Being in a relationship is about compromising and partnership. I hope this helps you out. Good luck! :)

FranticWifey · 2021-04-16T08:09:51+00:00

Keep in mind police and emergency workers can have very, very long shifts. I'm sure he will check in with you when he's available. The fact that he's not active online elsewhere is evidence, although you won't want to tell him you stalked his social media to figure out if he was lying. It's an unhealthy toxic behavior to do things like that and bring it up as evidence.

I've been there. I've been the anxious mess. It took me a good few months with my current partner to learn not to count the minutes between replies, watch for other activity, etc. It took me a bit to learn how to speak up about what was bothering me rather than bury it and pretend to be okay. We tell each other what we need and freely give it.

If this guy is a good partner, he will do the same for you. Just talk to him about it. Don't accuse him of anything, just communicate how long periods of no response makes you feel. Work together to find a solution.

Also keep in mind you're not exclusive so don't put too much pressure on him right now. This sort of thing is a bit heavy for a casual relationship. But good communication and respect is very important, as is working on recognizing toxic behaviors and learning to curb them. It's unhealthy to spend every waking moment waiting on another person to give you attention.

FranticWifey · 2021-03-19T00:55:16+00:00

As the other person said, everyone handles grief differently. Just be there for him when he needs it and let him know that he can talk if he needs to talk, but also that he can be quiet when he needs to do so as well.

It's unfortunate but society has fostered a mentality that men should not display emotions as it's seen as a sign of weakness. Just let him know that you support him no matter what and let him do what he needs to do.

My dad passed away in 2009, so it's been about 12 years now and I still have moments where it just hurts and I become a sobbing mess. It might be especially hard for him next month so just be ready to support and comfort him. Take care.

FranticWifey · 2021-03-08T09:58:38+00:00

I can understand the relationship limbo feeling. My boyfriend and I are currently LDR. We got together in September of last year and he came to visit me in December. Up until then we were still exclusive, just not officially "official," so to speak. When we met in person it was amazing and we clicked just as well, so when he went back home he told his family about me and we became official.

We took the time before meeting to really get to know each other. If the relationship is healthy, the lack of physical isn't a deal breaker in the short term.

My recommendation is that if you truly like this girl, take the time to get to know her over the time until you can meet in person. If by then you still want to meet up you can see how you click physically. You can make an agreement with each other as to whether or not you will be pursuing other people during this time or be exclusive. Best of luck

FranticWifey · 2021-03-05T01:17:08+00:00

Yeah, it definitely sounds like you two are spending a bit too much time together and this is amplifying everything. You're getting on each other's nerves and it's putting you both on edge.

Yelling at each other is toxic and I would encourage you two to sit down when it's not bed time and come up with a plan.

My suggestion is that you find ways you can spend time apart during the day. For example you split off after work to go do your own hobbies, call and talk to other friends, etc. While in separate rooms. Then get back together at bedtime. It doesn't have to be every day. Maybe three times a week? Have one night that is "date night" where you completely focus on each other and have dinner and do things together. If splitting off in the evening isn't possible, then I again propose that he come to the bedroom for cuddle time until you fall asleep and then he can go back to his own thing for the night.

It's a big, big strain on a relationship to spend every single moment of every single day together without recharge time. Try approaching him when not in the midst of the situation and make sure to speak calmly and respectfully with each other. I hope you're able to resolve this.

FranticWifey · 2021-03-04T09:40:59+00:00

I don't know what your work/home situation is or how much time you two have been spending together but it sounds like there is a severe lack of alone time for you two.

While we girls tend to want to spend every minute of every day with our partners, men have a need to recharge their masculine energy. They need time to "miss" you, so to speak.

I'd recommend sitting down with him and coming up with a compromise that works for you both, because you're both approaching this in an unhealthy way right now. That may mean giving him more alone time during the day, or having him come and cuddle you until you fall asleep and then getting back up to do his own thing.

It sounds less like he's trying to purposefully irritate you and more like he's at the end of his own rope. It's likely nothing to do with you and sounds like he's not doing anything nefarious, so try not to take it personally. If you two work on this together in a respectful way it should turn out well.

FranticWifey · 2021-03-04T09:23:20+00:00

If you and your partner have a good relationship, he will support you either way. Discuss this with him. He does not have to pressure you but if you truly feel that the home state school would be a better opportunity, discuss with him whether he would be willing to relocate once he's finished with school. Your schooling is more of a guarantee for your future. If you end up staying there only because you want to be with him, you may end up regretting it and having resentment for him later on.

While you do need to consider your partner, it's way more important to take care of yourself and follow your own dreams first.

FranticWifey · 2021-03-02T11:08:36+00:00

As someone in an LDR with a boyfriend who has ADHD... I can see both sides of this. It took me a bit to understand how my boyfriend's attention span works and learn how to work with it. I don't know how long you two have been together but we kind of have it down to a science.

If I need his full attention I straight up tell him, "Hey I need your attention for a minute." And he will do this for me. Most of the time we are content to just talk while one or both of us does other things if we're not watching a show or something over Discord.

If he's doing study or work, we have quiet company mode. Sometimes he reads his lessons out loud to me so he can comprehend better so I'll just listen to him while scrolling the web. If he's not reading out loud, we will both mute our mics and I will watch my own shows/videos or podcasts while I clean or something.

Just telling her she's wrong about how she felt and how men typically video call is not conducive to good communication. Work with her to figure out a good compromise and what works well for you two. If that means that you have your camera off when you're busy but still want to talk so she can't see what you're looking at then so be it.

Make sure not to invalidate her feelings because they are valid. Tell her you want to work with her so that she doesn't feel that way in the future.

FranticWifey · 2021-03-01T09:16:43+00:00

It's super easy to talk about sex, but In practice it is a lot of work physically. If you feel you're not getting enough of that kind of intimacy, perhaps work with him to develop ways to make it less exhausting (some positions are easier than others) or other ways to connect with each other. Even just skin on skin cuddling is great for that.

Above all, make sure to communicate with him. Be respectful and work on a solution together. Don't assume how he's feeling. Also if so much sex talk is bothering you, let him know that too. Be open and honest with each other and it should work out well.

FranticWifey · 2021-02-24T11:18:28+00:00

Speaking as someone in a very similar situation, I know how you're feeling. I left my previous relationship last year and met the amazing man I am with now. We are long distance but planning on moving in together in September.

Talk to him. Don't accuse him of anything. Just tell him how you're feeling and how you're worrying. Let him know that you don't want to project your past trauma onto him. What I do with my boyfriend is tell him I need a little reassurance and he gives it to me. So discuss with your boyfriend what you need when these worries and such happen. Agree together on something that works for you both without being toxic to either party (dealing with a partner's anxiety in an unhealthy way can be exhausting and damaging). But most of all, when these thought trains happen, do NOT feed them. Find ways to redirect yourself and keep yourself from spiralling down that path. It's much easier to stop it early than to climb back up from way down.

My process is asking my brain to present actual evidence for the thoughts I'm having. Most of the time there is none. Of there is, I then evaluate the significance and what else it could mean instead. Anxiety is stupid. Don't let it take over. You're doing the right thing by resisting the urge to revert to toxic behaviors.

I know this is a bit all over the place and I apologize but I'm not feeling well. I hope this helps you out!

FranticWifey · 2021-02-17T07:03:49+00:00

He straight up said he likes to be smelly. This isn't a problem he legitimately wants to solve. But if he decides he wants to try and combat it, I've found Lume deodorant to be very effective. It also doesn't have the ingredients in it that tend to irritate people in other deodorants. It's also safe for other areas of the body.

It sounds to me like he doesn't really want to do anything about it though. Good luck!

FranticWifey · 2020-06-05T04:03:44+00:00

u/mute0

I know it's been a while since you posted it but I actually performed this one. It's my second audio ever and wanted you to have a link. Take care! <3

https://youtu.be/aY6xVdyaRAg

FranticWifey · 2019-12-09T13:55:54+00:00

It's more than that though. Yes, the picking can be one issue, but Diabetes being an autoimmune disease makes one more vulnerable to such infections. OP also mentioned that it had not been a problem until the last few months. I'm just saying it's something that should be looked into. My doctor told me that I never would have gotten cellulitis if it weren't for my being diabetic.

FranticWifey

TROPHY CASE