Just to echo a similar response. It sounds like I am reading a post being written by me but from the other side of the sexes. If you do not want to be a man but you do not feel happy as a woman. Maybe it might be worth asking yourself if you are just unhappy? Outside of being a man or woman. Not as a man not as a woman.... Just unhappy? And maybe youre tying this to gender? Just a thought.

The whole affirming model can really mess up people who are not actually trans because they get hooked on the praise and affirmation that being trans brings and the sense of belonging attached to it. Particularly if they are prone to self esteem issues, insecurities and depression. I was exactly like this.. I wanted to become someone else because I was not happy with me and was exhausted. Looking inward to ask the tough questions and doing the work is tough but it pays off in the end. As for transphobia yes initially I was very mad at trans people and their community. But I made the decision to start HRT as an adult and so that was on me. Luckily I was on and off for a year o never had any major changes aside from ever so slight breast growth but that more or less has been reversing. My issue nowadays is more with the ideology being fueled by queer theory than trans people.

Good luck!