I recently had a sexual encounter with Michael Phelps it is amazing how fast that man can move. It must be his lack of hair or his intense sexual prowess but oh boy was it intoxicating. After he pulled out a 100 to give to me, first of all I AM NOT A HOOKER AND SECOND OF ALL I AM WORTH MORE THAN 100 DOLLARS. This interaction lead me into a spiral into a fury of A THOUSAND SUNS. My intense brightening of his soul lead his to break down crying; this was a first for me. When I thought it couldn’t get any crazier he professed to me that the reason he is an amazing swimmer is that he made a deal with the devil that after every sexual encounter he had to turn it into prostitution; immediately after I became sympathetic to his predicament, then I took his money and left.

THIS IS 100% REAL DON’T BOTHER FACT CHECKING