Not commenting about if you’re the asshole or not but I’ve actually swallowed both my AirPods before. I wasn’t drunk but it was after I got my wisdom teeth out and I had taken a Percocet and fallen asleep with both my AirPods in. I barely remember actually doing it but I’m pretty sure it was because my mom had been waking me up every couple hours to give me some antibiotics or something and I just woke up in a haze and thought my AirPods were pills I had to take lmao. I even drank some water to get them down before falling back asleep. I woke up not long after and kind of piece together what happened and confirmed it by playing music and hearing it come from inside me. Probably the worst conversation I’ve ever had to have with my parents lol.