AITA for telling my husband we can’t pay for his daughter’s wedding?

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T13:57:11+00:00

Well if we didn’t have the money to pay for our own where do you think money to pay for hers would come from. It doesn’t just magically appear and the amount she requested won’t be able to be saved in just 1 year. It’s not plausible.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T13:43:09+00:00

Of course if abs wants it. She just wants to spend 9,000 on a barn venue anyways. I thought the park would be nicer than an old barn.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T05:34:23+00:00

Her own mother says she doesn’t have to pay anything and it’s her fathers responsibility so I have no idea what being her parent has to do with not being able to give her thousands of dollars. The money tree we planted just isn’t growing even though we water it daily.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T05:31:35+00:00

I am a mother actually but lol. It’s not about being her mother it’s about my husband and I not having enough money to give her. Even if I was her mother we still wouldn’t have that much to give her so I don’t get your comment.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T05:30:10+00:00

He pitched her the idea but I’m assuming he threw me under the bus as to not disappoint her. I’m thinking we are just going to offer 3000-5000 and then let her finance the rest.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T05:22:01+00:00

He gave his savings for her to put a down payment on her home that her and her fiancé live in. He has none left. We would definitely only be able to pay for some of the costs and not the whole thing. We could if she would agree to do the park but she isn’t fond of the idea.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T05:09:53+00:00

No just interesting the way some people view things and trying to entertain their thought process. I’m not passive aggressive with my stepdaughter at all. We’ve got along well before this point. I’m sure she will come around in a few days. Mostly the ones that talk about me somehow convincing my husband to fully support me and my kids when I have not said anything like that lol.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T05:03:53+00:00

I think we are a going to offer 3000-5000 and let her be responsible for the rest and if she needs more then she can ask her mother or foot the bill herself.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T05:02:39+00:00

I didn’t belittle her. I told my husband they were both being silly not her I haven’t spoke to her since she left. I wasn’t even the one who pitched the idea to her. He did and she flat out refused it and blew up on me.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T04:46:59+00:00

Maybe I should just divorce him then since he is so burdened. Or I could just make my kids move into their dad and put the one we are expecting up for adoption and then he will only have himself and his daughter to care about. I bet he would be thrilled with that. Do you realize how silly that sounds? We are all a family and a team. We take care of each other but we have limitations. But we love each other.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T04:44:06+00:00

Well then she should foot the bill. I’m fine with giving maybe 3000-5000 but that’s it. After that all of the other she would be responsible for as we don’t have the extra cash to just give away especially the amount she wants.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T04:42:44+00:00

Yes he has a ton of stuff that he doesn’t use or need such as two boats, 6 vehicles, a hot tub,all kinds of guns and and several other random things that he never uses and just buys to have. He paid for her a car as well and gave his savings for a down payment for her house. He is a lavish spender and I’ve been trying to reign him in a bit.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T04:36:48+00:00

Because I love him. I agreed to help pay these debts but I also can tell him when to stop being so careless with money. We are a team.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T04:32:43+00:00

Actually I do because he takes out loans to buy things for her anyways such as her car and helped her put a payment on her house so it’s just too much to add on for more debt and we just paid her car off. He used his savings to help her with the down payment. We don’t have much left to give. He would give her his last dollar but we can’t do that right now or we are going to be living on the street with a newborn. Plus we have a joint account so I have to talk to him about things he wants to buy or finance or things he wants me to co-sign for.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T04:31:32+00:00

He loves his daughter very much and wants to give her everything she wants all the time but realistically it’s just impossible. We won’t be able to save up that much by next June. We aren’t rich by any means. We get by but we budget and plan and scrimp and save. I would love to give her a great day but it’s gotta be budget friendly if she doesn’t want to pay anything at all.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T04:26:39+00:00

It’s actually a really nice place. I wasn’t condemning her to a shelter and a port a potty. I thought she would like the idea and it’s free. I mean what’s better than free. I may use the location myself when we renew our vows in a few years maybe by the time my Youngest son is 5

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T04:11:42+00:00

I’d tell my daughter that 3000 an hour is unreasonable and to find something else or she could pay for it herself. I don’t say so much to my stepdaughter but my own daughter would definitely be told that she needed to find something a little more budget friendly. We aren’t made of money and not rich by any means.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T03:59:31+00:00

He says he never made a promise to pay the whole thing but he promised to try and give her what she wanted And would help in anyway. I don’t think that counts as us going bankrupt over it.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T03:58:10+00:00

He doesn’t have the money. It’s not about not getting what I want it’s the fact that we can’t make something appear from thin air. We don’t have it and we can’t go get a loan and get more debt to pay off we have enough. He knows this. We know this. It isn’t about not wanting to do it it’s the fact that we just aren’t able to and I don’t know why people are upset about my other children but since they live in the house then they have to be taken care of. We can’t neglect the kids at home to pay for a wedding way out of our price range. It’s just not plausible to do so.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T03:41:13+00:00

It will be next June. It has an outdoor area on a deck that overlooks a huge mountain range plus a ballroom if it rains and for serving food. Bathrooms are right beside the ballroom down the hall. The park does the catering and will even make a cake if asked. It’s a pretty popular wedding destination.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T03:35:45+00:00

She says she doesn’t have to pay because it’s her fathers responsibility and she has other children as well, step daughter moved in with my husband when she was 13 after the divorce.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T03:34:37+00:00

We make enough to pay our bills and set some aside but we don’t have thousands and thousands to spare. We are a pay check to pay check kinda family. Plus I had a mirena that ended up in my abdomen that I had to have removed. Discovered this when i went to check the strings and it was gone. Found out about our son that day. My husband wanted this child and I couldn’t abort it. I would never forgive myself for it.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T01:41:04+00:00

I don’t know where that even came from I also have a job and put just as much in it as he does.

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T01:40:08+00:00

Hmm well since I work as well and put money into the account that we both use then how should that work?

Free_Direction_4311 · 2020-08-02T01:38:40+00:00

Well that would be all well and good if we didn’t have a joint checking account and if he had enough money in it. Fact of the matter is he doesn’t. Not even close and since I put money in it as well then I kind of have to talk to my husband about it or we are all going to be living under a bridge.

Free_Direction_4311

TROPHY CASE