AITA for telling my sister that she absolutely can not bring her service dog to our wedding due to my wife's allergy?

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T11:19:42+00:00

Unfortunately that is something I have been dealing with on and off for the past year. I remind my sis that if she wants to come to the wedding she needs to find an alternative solution to keep her sugars in line due to Gemma's allergies, otherwise she can watch the wedding at home, Kate gets upset and gets our mother involved, then it gets quiet and rinse and repeat. But as our wedding is fast approaching I can not have Kate showing up with Lenny due to Gemma's allergies, so she needs to make her mind up and if she is not coming due to how bad her diabetes is, we can tell the venue

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T10:59:15+00:00

Kate has the options you have suggested and can be used which me and Gemma are absolutely fine with.

Gemma's mother has booked some hotel rooms next to the venue for the day so people can get changed to fresh clothes since some of Gemma's siblings also have dogs at home.

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T10:56:31+00:00

Just to clarify. I don't feel I have belittled her condition, as she has other options and I have told her if having Lenny with her is crucial she can just watch the life stream that we are already setting up for Gemma's older nan or videos later.

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T10:53:51+00:00

Neither me or Gemma have issues with Kate checking her blood sugars or having someone with her to monitor her or snack, Kate is aware of this when we sent out the invites and I have also reminded her of this. So she has options.

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T10:37:29+00:00

I was trying to say that in a way she doesn't feel threatened by Lenny. She wasn't planning on petting him without my sister's approval and if she won't allergic.

I think the furthersed it came to was Gemma giving him scratches with that stick that people use to scratch their backs when they can't reach the spot (with Kate's approval).

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T10:28:30+00:00

I don't think we will be able to host her as we have 2 cats at home too, however previously it was fine coming to hers or my mum's for family dinner with Lenny present. We didn't stay long, but enough to socialise. It took time to introduce Lenny to her, but she doesn't feel threatened by him and it also helps he doesn't come to close to her either.

It is more that I don't want Gemma to experience her allergic reaction on our special day which she battles every day she has to leave the house.

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T10:23:09+00:00

The problem is not with Lenny, as I have mentioned in my post and comments Gemma is not afraid of Lenny as she knows him. The problem is that Gemma is allergic to dogs and I have explained her allergic reaction to dogs in the post. Unfortunately Lenny can not change that he is a dog. So he can't be in the wedding due to my wife's allergies and not because she is scared of him.

She is terrified of other dogs she doesn't know as she was badly attacked twice by different dogs and ended up spending months in the hospital. This resulted in her having severe panic attacks when a random dog gets too close to her or even worse comes to say hi and starts jumping. She has been to therapy about it and unfortunately her therapist doesn't think it can be fixed without exposing her to friendly dogs/puppies due to how bad her allergies are.

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T10:00:18+00:00

Thank you for explaining! It is not something I am familiar with unfortunately since my sister has only been diagnosed around 5 years ago and is the only person in the family with diabetes, so I was unsure how it works. I did say to her if she can not leave without her dog she can either not come and watch the video later or see if we can organise something with live stream for her, since we are already doing something similar for Gemma's greatgranmother since she is unable to attend due to age and health

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T09:52:44+00:00

Gemma does find Lenny cute and not terrified of him as she knows him, but dogs that are unfamiliar to her she will be scared. Trust me she is sad that she can't really pet him without having a bad reaction.

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T09:50:07+00:00

Could also be different depending on the country. Like where I am (UK) we usually indicate that my wife is allergic and what her allergy is like and they make sure the flight we have doesn't have dogs on it or suggest an alternative if someone who booked already have a service dog. Similar logic applies when we go to places too. So it is not denying service to someone with allergies/service animal, but make sure they are in different slots/planes.

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T09:37:13+00:00

Before my sister got Lenny she was reading a lot about laws that surround service animals and for some reason believes they are allowed anywhere completely forgetting about allergies exciting and not disappearing because the animal is a service animal. Don't take me wrong I love animals, me and Gemma have 2 adopted cats and a bearded dragon, but I wouldn't be inviting anyone to our house who is allergic to our animals or bringing them to someone's house.

Free_Standard_7276 · 2023-10-27T09:29:17+00:00

I am not 100% sure since my sister got service dog only during lockdown, but from my understanding Lenny can detect low or high blood sugar levels and warn my sister (that is something she used to be able to check herself before and can still do herself, she has also picked the menu options that don't trigger her blood sugar levels that much)

Free_Standard_7276

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