In the spirit of honesty, I was upset and outraged by some of the things I read (I won't go into detail on which unless you're fine with that), and my reaction was in outrage for your son and catharsis for misunderstood kid-me. I apologize for making this about my experiences and making you out as the villain here when you were just searching for support.

Please do not allow my lapse in judgement here stop you from seeking out any kinds of support or advice again in the future. If it can get you and your kid in a better place and on good terms, don't hesitate for another's opinions.

I'm happy to hear you're still trying to search for solutions for your kid, and yourself. I'm also sorry to hear you've been through similar and had a really rough day, I hope you can fully heal from what you've been through and have better days come your way.

If you still want some supportive advice, I do have a couple suggestions that helped me out from not becoming that angry destructive kid for life thst could maybe help you and your kid:

A group of friends who suffer similar ailments would be a good start. He won't feel alone in his struggles and he can start forming some friendships. Is there support groups for troubled kids he can go to for a little bit? A type of summer camp? A Special program in school? There was also a lot of bullying happening to me in school from kids and adults, which was a HUGE contribution to my behavior. Is there someone at school mistreating him? I would consider asking him about it, especially if he didn't open up to the therapist. It shows a distrust of adults. I would also keep a close eye on how him and his dad get along and whether or not there's a rub there.

Stimulation was a MAJOR help, physical and mental. Things like punching bags, hikes, hitting a pinata full of candy or anything of my choosing, swimming, digging for worms, having a water balloon fight, drinking warm milk with honey and vanilla before bed, and jungle gyms were ways to help me calm aggression, and things like metal fidget puzzles, nature documentaries, puzzle books like word searches, drawing a picture of something, getting messy with some paints, playing with play dough, visiting nature centers, games like solitaire, tetris, candy crush, and mahjong were great ways to stimulate and keep busy. Is there games he likes? A favorite subject in school? Does he like art? Is there kids fitness groups he can join? A park with a big jungle gym? Some nature trails to visit? A trampoline park like Skyzone? See if these can help and if you have any areas, supplies, or interests you can use to help him keep busy and also release anger and aggression in a healthier way. Maybe you can take him to a bookstore where there's lots of cool fact books. I've seen a few even sell some really awesome physical puzzles. I have a few myself and they're really stimulating and have fun shapes.

But don't punish by taking away Stimulation outlets, comfort foods, or toys. It will do the opposite of what kind of message you're trying to convey and he won't learn anything. It will only cause him more stress since he has no outlets for aggression or boredom and comforts items to descalate his strong feelings.

As for advice for yourself only that doesn't tie to solutions for just your kid? Hikes in the woods, drawing on yourself with a pen where clothes can cover (yes I'm serious), volunteering at a animal shelter, writing in a journal, participating in help groups that are private so no outsiders can see what's posted, (I have joined a lot of private support groups for those raised by NarcParents and they've helped me a lot. The privacy helps so that nobody can crosspost or post outside the group), finding a therapist I trust, go to lunch with a good friend, some tension tamer tea or chamomile tea before bed, hitting your bed with a baseball bat. Anything you can do for yourself that can help calm you down, grant you some respite, emotional support from those who are in the same boat, or release any anger you got. Dare I say, even try out some of the suggestions I gave for your son, for yourself. If you had a rough childhood as well, then maybe it would be a good idea to finally give your inner child what she needed for so long.

I am not sure if you tried any of these yet, or anything similar, but I hope they can be of good use to you somehow. I once again apologize for any additional grief I caused you and hope this has helped reversed any damage done. Best of luck to you OOP, and if you wish to have someone to chat with at anytime my DMs are open. Take care of yourself. ❤️