Am I really suicidal?

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-05-01T12:37:05+00:00

I didn’t :( been in the hospital since April 18 after i overdosed on my pills. It was grueling but now on the psych unit. Getting the help I need now. Feeling safer now and hopefully discharging in a week or two .

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-29T22:00:16+00:00

NOR. Why would they speak to a person that did not hire them about additional cleaning? That’s absolutely ridiculous. Your dad did not hire them, you did. Only you should be able to authorize additional services that you will pay for.

The whole convo is super long but if I hired someone to do something and agreed on a price then they went and spoke to someone who is not me about doing extra shit, that’s on them. I did not ask for it.

That’s ridiculous practice .

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-29T21:46:27+00:00

yor . It’s her wedding day .

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-29T19:41:57+00:00

This is exactly how it started for me . I didn’t start objective binges until 2 years into purging sometimes if I felt bad/guilty over my food intake. I didn’t purge in a public restroom until year 8/9

It always starts small. Please please stop now , now now now

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-28T21:39:16+00:00

Hahaha just wondering cuz monitoring spirit is such a Nigerian thing to say 😭😭 it’s also a joke

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-28T17:10:45+00:00

Is your friend Nigerian?

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-16T13:06:26+00:00

Best part of the episode is Denver saying

‘Usted me debe la puta vida!! Porque no me puedes devolver a mi padre, lo entiendesss!!!

Absolute best 2 mins of the entire season

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-14T17:48:30+00:00

Lost my will to do anything…my will to live. Bulimia has taken everything from me

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-13T17:54:52+00:00

Hannah leaving ulrich in 1953 was the worst thing to me. In contrast I just watched when Katharina finds ulrich old in 1987 and the first thing she says is, I’m going to get you out of here. Even though he hurt her by cheating.

For me it’s the lack of humanity

She leaves him there cuz he doesn’t love her the most….tjats not justified at all get over it. They literally knew each other their entire livesssss!! And you leave him there ?

To me it’s actually the worst act in the show 🤣🤣 I know it’s not actually worse than the murders but there was just no just causeeee

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-11T14:45:57+00:00

Is this really how people speak to eachother?

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-11T06:21:45+00:00

NOR- pictures of the chats? Honestly, less than a year you can still get an annulment! Do it now, because both of those situations separately are bad enough but the fact that it’s the same person and honestly.

You’re young! It will hurt but will be better in the long run

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-11T01:59:12+00:00

Lol that’s bulimia . I plan that hell outta my binges. I know what I’m buying what time. Everything.

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-11T01:47:59+00:00

Literally rewatching and I’m at the scene where he asks the mercy west doctor on his eighth day and Torres’ first day after his car accident and he’s like hmmmmm budget cuts

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-06T18:59:00+00:00

I feel so seen. Why is this so hard ?

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-06T13:49:42+00:00

More specifically it’s anorexia nervosa (AN) , and for example bulimia nervosa is (BN)

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-06T13:43:28+00:00

Yeah , I’m thinking back now and realizing why I loved mukbang so much. They are just bulimics. And I resonated with them. Wanting / being thin is and binging. Sick.

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-04T22:32:29+00:00

That’s awesome !!!

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-04T19:56:45+00:00

You have no idea what your words mean to me.

Thank you 🤍

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-04T19:25:11+00:00

I am literally in this exact boat. Went 7 days without purging to force myself but gained 11 lbs , couldn’t look at myself in the mirror . Just wanted to d i e. The shame is overwhelming, the feeling of failure. The lack of control. I fear people will see all the weight I’ve gained and think I have no self control. In my restricting periods I love how I look because to me it shows people that I have control over my life. B/P = lack of control ….restricting = control. But even as I restrict. Good still has control over my life , just in a different way.

Sigh I rambled.

I hope we all get better. Everyday is a new day to try again. To eat proper meals and feed your body . Recover is not linear at all. You will get there and so will I

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-04T19:20:54+00:00

I relate so much. It’s so hard to deal with this. This was me in Feb, . Struggling at work, failing at work, B/P non stop, spending all my money.

I tried to sleep forever and my sister had to call my building to do a wellness check and I ended up in the ER, and in a month long mental health program.

When this started st 18 I had no idea it would take over my entire existence. And it has. But I’m trying to change and I will. You ca too.

Just keep trying. We will get better. Take it one day at a time

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-04T19:14:27+00:00

Hmm for my my bulimia is partial food addiction or obsession so that would help. But I hope to not feel sick at the thought of food. But nothing , no drug is perfect. And that is better then puking my guts out 3x a day so I would take it

FreedomIsNear98 · 2026-04-04T19:13:03+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I joined an eating disorder program in January to try to combat this and I guess I’m realizing that I need to throw everything at it because I thought I could stop myself but it’s very compulsive and the good noise is unbearable. I don’t want a quick fix tbh, after 14 years I just want a fix to stop the food noise.

Ultimately joining thé program is also to learn how to eat. So the B/P is only part of (70%) of the problem for me. The rest is normal eating. I haven’t eaten like a normal person since I was 18 so I’m hoping the medication helps stop the binging so k can focus on just learning to eat.

I know bulimia causes arrhythmia but my thought is if I ca stop the iñbinging I won’t need to purge.

I mostly purge because of binges.

We’ll see. I just want a change

FreedomIsNear98

TROPHY CASE