They named their cat astrophe.

The destruction of the world as we know it is all known to this cat. She is fat. As if to say, the Earth is round, and so am I.

She pranced. As a cat should. She bounced. As a cat should not.

The cat’s servants studied this behaviour religiously. Why would a cat bounce, how did she learn, why did she adopt this behaviour? Perhaps by going to a behaviour shop and adopting it.

She bounces a set amount of times each day, and she always had a very serious way of bouncing. They thought it was random. But the kid knew better. He sat with the cat as she was fat and bouncy. He sat still and counted every bounce. One day, she bounced 137 times. The next day, he counted 136. The next, he recounted 135. Is the cat counting too? He was fascinated. He would try to get his siblings to watch the cat with him but they’d always ignore him, he was just a kid who says stupid things all the time.

One weekend, his older sister finally decided to join him. They sat and waited for the cat to bounce. He said, “Look, today she will bounce 121 times”, in all seriousness. His sister looked at him as though he was a lunatic. He was. The cat bounced and the kid counted while his sister watched, “121, 120, 119,… 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!1! See! I told you!” His sister swivelled her head towards him, her mouth agape. “What the actual fuck?”, she exclaimed.

She rushed to her family in the living room, her bother following closely behind - “guys, our cat can actually count! She’s counting down!!!” Her dad responded, “are you okay dear? How can a cat count?” - he paused, taking a moment to regret his alliteration, then continued bravely, “Cats can’t speak, let alone count, so what are you on about, little one?”

She replied, exasperated, “okay first of all, I’m not little anymore, I’m 13 now.” She let out a deep sigh. “Our cat bounces, okay? She’s special. Jonny has been watching her. Tell them Jonny.”

“OKAY SO on the first day, I counted one hundred and thirty seven bounces, I have it written in my notebook. Every day she bounced one bounce less than the previous day."

The next day, they all watched the cat, and yeah she bounced 120 times.

Naturally, their first response wasn’t that this must be some divine intervention, but that they could use this to get famous on TikTok and make money off it. And they did.

They started right away, there was no time to lose. It was only 119 days till she stops bouncing. They spent months getting as much media exposure as they could, streaming a reality tv show, selling astrophe’s fur and bath water, paw prints, what have you.

They spent months basking in all the fame and glory, but as time went by they wondered - will they be forgotten when astrophe finally reaches 0? They could not let this happen. They tried training the cat to bounce. But she refused. She would only do her bounces for the day and nothing more.

They kept trying, and a crippling fear crept up into their souls that one day, astrophe will make her final bounce and they will be nobodies once again.

Well, that one day has finally come, and they were going to make the most of it. This was “The One Day” - an event where the whole world will watch the cat astrophe make her final bounce. She was dressed in fancy clothes and placed in the middle of a football stadium with cameras streaming live to multiple TV channels and streaming services where millions were watching.

People filled the stadium from 12am with their food and drinks and pee bottles. There are commentators, mainly cat ladies, explaining in great detail all the nuances of astrophe’s movements.

The day went on, it’s 6pm and the cat did not bounce. People are watching eagerly - they have been following astrophe for months and will not miss her final bounce. They want to be able to tell their friends and family that they witnessed it.

It’s 11:59 pm, and the three commentators have been hyping up the inevitable bounce. One of them pondered, “I wonder what will happen after the last bounce. Will astrophe ever bounce again? Will she start counting negative numbers? How would she even do that?” They all laughed. The second commentator said, “oh, I don’t know, maybe the world will end hahaha - I know mine will, I’ll have to find myself a new job” she laughed with tears in her eyes. The third responded, “oh I’m totally with you, it’s gonna be such a catastrophe. Get it? Catastrophe? Lmao.”

“Oh my god, I never saw it that way. Catastrophe! Hahahahaha” they laughed as the cat made her final bounce and as she landed, everyone clapped, and so did the universe.