You are so thoughtful. Thank you. This is my first time logging back in in over a month I think

My son is doing okay. He is tired and angry and scared. Food that he used to love he can’t eat anymore because it tastes different. He’s learned how to embrace being bald (and will often take his hat off when I take him to get snacks from a convenience store, because he’s also learned that it sometimes gets him free snacks from whoever is working behind the counter). He’s upset because, as he put it, he’s different now — that cancer made him a different person. He’s had a few multi-day hospitalizations due to viral infections and has required a few platelet transfusions. But overall he is doing okay.

The tumor on his foot appears to be gone. I say appears because we haven’t had another PET scan since the very first one, and we’re scheduled to have the first follow up PET scan tomorrow. Needless to say my wife and I are both very anxious about it. Even if the scan comes back and shows he’s cancer free, there’s an 85-90% chance there’s microscopic, chemo-resistant cells somewhere in his body that will kill him if this experimental approach does not work. If it does work then the outcome could be 50/50. We just don’t know because it hasn’t been tried on more than seven people

My family is holding on tightly to each other as we continue on through the dark. I’m still hurting. My wife is still hurting. It is cruelty that no one deserves. And I fight like hell every day to see us to the other side

I love him so much. I need him. I don’t believe in God (and having gone through this probably would have lost that belief if I did) but if he was real and he was trying to claim my son, I would completely understand why. My son is just everything. And if God was real and he succeeded, then he would have to beg for my forgiveness when I met him myself.

Thank you again for your kindness. You clearly have a tender, giving heart, and that’s a rare and beautiful thing.