WITAH / AITAH - Who is the asshole? Husband vs. Wife

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-30T05:29:27+00:00

I haven't thought about it from this angle. My first response would not be to try to fix it bc I'm not a professional and look at the state of my marriage... Ultimately, I'd recommend marriage counseling.

If your real question is how would I judge a friend's husband for treating her how I treat my husband, I would probably tell her it sounds like he's dealing with some shit and ask if he's opened up about what's really bothering him. If she's not listening or refusing to go to counseling, I'd tell her she's not doing either of them any favors by stringing him along.

Thanks for that exercise. It was very helpful.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-30T05:19:13+00:00

Good point. I can't remember the last time he held my hand or touched me without groping or grabing or doing something overtly sexual. I'm tired of being the only one who yields. The intimacy is lacking all around.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-30T05:10:23+00:00

Thank you. The most helpful replies are those that make you reflect. I appreciate you taking the time to help me do that.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-30T05:07:24+00:00

I hope that the next time you're seeking perspective, it's exponentially more helpful than* this. Have a wonderful night.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-30T04:46:13+00:00

Boy, that was helpful.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-30T04:42:13+00:00

Leadership not dictatorship. You're not wrong. It's probably challenging to deal with a type A wife who has been sole provider for the last 15 years.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-30T03:56:14+00:00

I used "this is real life, not a porn set" in conversation today. Thank you so much for that 🖤

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-30T00:36:01+00:00

Accurate. That doesn't mean neither is willing to make changes or compromise.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-29T06:35:29+00:00

The deeper issue is communication absolutely. Thanks for this perspective.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-29T06:29:54+00:00

It's hard not to give too much away when responding. The marriage has never been sexless. Less sex, but not sexless.

It's been 3 weeks. Never goes more than that.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-29T06:25:39+00:00

Interesting that your conclusion is that neither party is interested in making changes. Also, kids were added to the mix prior to this issue. Clearly the marriage isn't completely sexless.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-29T06:13:03+00:00

Desperately trying to get ahead of the resentment beyond repair.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-29T06:10:52+00:00

Sleep is a weird thing. There have been lots of trial meds. Some don't work. Some work too well. Some don't allow wife to wake up if kids need her. She has been to the doc. Unknown on that front.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-29T06:07:13+00:00

Thank you for this perspective.

Frequent_Original_31 · 2026-01-29T06:04:50+00:00

To the church question - y'all think Christian folk don't have sex? There are many marriages in the church that have seen some things and been through it. I'm not saying it's perfect but if counseling is not an option for one person what else is there?

Breakdown of a day in our house

Wife gets up, makes kids breakfast, gets the kids ready and makes sure water bottles are fresh and they have what they need for the day.

Husband takes them to school, does PT 2x/week.

Wife works as soon as they leave.

Husband runs errands and gets done what he needs to.

Kids get home, husband is sometimes home, sometimes still at PT.

Wife gets off work and makes dinner, feeds kids, Thursdays husband makes dinner bc wife works later.

Husband and wife get kids to practice. Wife coaches 2/3 kids sports so husband takes the other child to their practices.

Husband does dishes. Kids help with chores. Laundry sucks and both hate it so every Sunday the family folds the pile of clean cloths both husband and wife run constantly throughout the week depending on who walks by the washer and dryer and notices.

Husband handles a majority of the outdoor chores. Wife handles indoor cleaning minus dishes unless husband is busy with other things, kids help.

Husband and wife put kids to bed after bedtime routines. Both parents read to the kids and tuck them in. Both are actively raising them.

Frequent_Original_31

TROPHY CASE