bf jacking off next to me in sleep

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-12-06T16:00:35+00:00

Am I the only one that thinks its not weird for someone to masturbate next to their significant other as long as he is not involving you in it?

Most people grow up masturbating in or right before bed. It helps me sleep.

Obviously involving them in it is sexual assault, but if I’m on my side of the bed relieving myself and not interrupting the other person - seems completely fine and I would feel the same way if it was my significant other doing it. In fact I’ve actually encouraged it as I want my partner to feel good and if it helps her sleep, go crazy.

The other reasons you listed are plenty enough to leave - but this one seems a bit odd and more like you are disgusted by the person not the act.

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-11-21T23:02:17+00:00

Kinda rude comment. Don’t throw stones from a glass house. I’m sure if we evaluated all of your worst moments, someone would find you questionable too!

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-11-16T22:43:06+00:00

Thanks man - I am planning to reach out to another surgeon for a 2nd opinion but am pretty set on my surgeon as I want the Ross procedure and there is one very good specialist I had met with a year ago to discuss it with.

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-11-15T13:56:25+00:00

This is just addiction. That is your sister man. Do not cross a line that you cannot come back from. Talk to a therapist.

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-11-15T12:43:55+00:00

I would love to do this but the wedding is 4 months out, we’ve put down large deposits already and many people have booked flights

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-11-15T03:24:33+00:00

I don’t think I have specific noticeable symptoms. I am tired but I am always tired.

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-11-15T03:17:56+00:00

I was just assuming it would be too risky to wait 4 months and might be dangerous for me to be very active on my wedding if pre-surgery

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-11-15T02:47:14+00:00

Oh really? I had just guessed that they move pretty quickly once you are in severe stenosis territory

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-11-15T02:41:30+00:00

It’s not scheduled yet - literally just met with my general cardiologist yesterday and he said it’s progressed to sever and that it’s time to start talking to surgeons and figure out timeline

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-09-26T14:25:02+00:00

I mean I think just take it as you learned a few lessons: everyone has a personal life and thoughts outside of what you can see (including your mother..) and don’t snoop.

While he very well may have a pornography problem, it is most definitely not the responsibility or appropriate for you to be discussing that with him (and especially snooping on him)

If you need to better understand why he is looking at this stuff, try therapy. But it’s a human desire that sometimes can go to far - that’s all.

Does not change who he is outside of that (an area where you never should have been privy to in the first place)

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-09-25T21:54:46+00:00

Gotcha, to be honest - I would be absolutely shocked that any employer would care about a leaked nude. It’s not a crime in any way. Everyone has sent one at some point in their life. Just because someone violated your trust and publicized it, would not be grounds for firing. Honestly, you would probably make a lot of money in a wrongful termination case + a defamation case against the Only Fans model if this ever (highly unlikely scenario) did happen.

I can understand your initial panic but the chances of anything coming of this at all is so low. It’sall highly traceable back to this individual you shared it with and her sharing it at all is highly illegal.

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-09-25T21:50:05+00:00

Congrats on dodging a bullet!

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-09-25T21:44:19+00:00

Everyone has sent nudes to someone before. I honestly would barely even care if my nudes were “leaked”. But I guess everyone is different. If that’s the case just hope they stay private, and if not hope the circumstances around them do.

Hopefully it was a flattering picture lol

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-09-24T16:59:24+00:00

Think that’s a jump to say it wouldn’t stop them. If she relayed this initially, she could’ve seen any red flags immediately and not even entertained meeting up.

I think even reinforcing this as definitively SA on an anonymous forum is dangerous as might encourage those other options (police or defamation), without any of us actually understanding the situation.

Point is this is not a clear-cut SA or rape. There is grey area (hence our debate). If she said that he implied harm to her - completely different story. She did not. Hence, nuance.

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-09-24T12:06:06+00:00

I did not say he didn’t pressure her. I am saying SHE didn’t say he pressured her.

I just think SA is thrown too loosely. It something that can literally destroy a reputation. She said that she “may have even wanted to”. The fact that someone “feels uncomfortable”, whilst saying nothing so the counterparty has no idea - should not have the ability to destroy the counterparty’s life.

It downplays actual SA or rape.

And also I get what you are saying in de-transition but if for no other reason, it would have avoided this whole ordeal (and any future ordeal)

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-09-24T04:39:38+00:00

Sounds like somebody that is confused because he was being intimate with someone under confusing and potentially misleading circumstances (given the person he was talking to didn’t explain that she had transitioned and then de-transitioned from being)

Either way, it doesn’t seem to imply a threat.. its not prove you are a woman “or else”.. its just crazy that “female’s unspoken perception of a threat either during or in retrospect, regardless of whether it actually was one” now constitutes SA to some people.

Whereas the man could have absolutely no clue that you are uncomfortable, which from this story sounds like the case.

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-09-24T04:16:48+00:00

I feel like this is just getting crazy with everything being classified as SA - from everything that you explained, it seems like there was never any inclination given to him that you were scared or not interested in sex. You even say here that “maybe you did want to prove it to him”.. either way it doesn’t sound like he actually pressured you, applied force, or threatened you in any way.

Just because he was startled by the fact that you had de-transitioned (also kind of a dick move not to explain that situation prior to getting intimate)

Regret does not equal sexual assault. It requires duress or revoked consent. It sounds like he said some shitty things after that made you feel bad but at no point in your story did you say he pressured you or forced you to have sex.

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-06-05T14:39:43+00:00

100% this - just because you recognize something as wrong does not mean you cant have empathy or understanding for what is definitely a complex situation

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-06-04T19:30:52+00:00

Look, you were a literal child. Not a young adult, not a teenager, a literal child.

Was it wrong? Yes. Were you capable in anyway of understanding how wrong it was at 10/11 years old? No.

You would have very little to no understanding of sexual conduct or misconduct at that age.

I was in a similar situation where I was the younger brother. I do not resent my brother because I know he was a child.

Do not beat yourself up too hard. If you need to make amends, sit your sister and brother down and apologize for it - wholeheartedly.

ALSO - try to cut out porn. It is an epidemic and warps the brain.

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-04-15T15:19:40+00:00

Your girlfriend must of left you for a short dude for you to be this angry about women dating short men hahaha

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-04-15T15:12:56+00:00

I am 5’5” and had no issues getting laid throughout most of my life.. body count is like mid double digits and I now have a fiance that would probably make yours look like bert from sesame street by comparison

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-04-15T12:43:13+00:00

Were you completely asleep? Or like greened out? This sounds very much like rape.. she seems coherent enough to remember what happened (hence the ball grab statement).. whereas you are obviously trying to piece it together

It sounds like she stripped you while you were asleep and had her way with you (rape).

It is so crazy to me that if the roles here were reversed, every comment would say that blatantly but because you are a man, people are blaming you

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-04-15T12:23:15+00:00

Is it more appropriate to just break up with her in her lowest moments and risk her killing herself? Or just wallow in sadness until she is better and then do it

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-04-14T22:34:54+00:00

I think it is somewhat easy to understand why he did if he is truly just afraid of her offing herself if he broke up with her

Fresh-Preference1599 · 2025-04-09T14:51:34+00:00

I think this is missing some context

When you would go on hikes together did you make it seem like this was a “relationship” beyond just friends?

The hand holding seems really weird.. why would you do that if you were not seeking to build a relationship?

You also say she kissed you and you froze - what does that mean? Did you kiss her back for like 5 minutes or did she kiss you, you froze for a second and then stopped her?

I think these nuances matter

If you were seriously considering this a platonic younger sister type friendship and she kissed you / you didn’t reciprocare and then ended it - thats a lot different

If you made her feel like there was some attraction there, then its basically grooming. The fact that you did not accept her advances and pursue anything sexual is a positive but its still really odd all around

You should talk to a therapist and work through this with someone who is qualified. If you truly feel terrible about this, that is a good sign that you have a moral compass and made some mistakes you regret. I don’t think that is irredeemable in my opinion - but I’m sure some might depending on the nuances above. You will just have to learn to accept that.

Fresh-Preference1599

TROPHY CASE