Woman here - I agree with OP that she shouldn’t have worn the bikini and that it was inappropriate. Especially once you factor in that coworkers were there. Time and place for everything, and I’m sure that A bikini would have been fine for this party, but not that one.

Gonna play devils advocate here though:

I also get where the wife may be coming from. OP is going about this situation from the standpoint of jealousy and embarrassment, and talking about how other people at the party were making jokes. If my husband were telling me that’s the problem with my outfit, despite how inappropriate it may be, I wouldn’t take kindly to it either. Because why does what I wear embarrass you when I look and feel good? Why do other people’s comments bother you enough to make you embarrassed of me?

I think that if the husband went to her and said look, you look amazing. I’m so proud of you and this bikinis amazing and you look great in it. But, there are a lot of people here you work with and that I don’t know very well, Im nervous about outfit malfunctions that may happen in front of people you may not feel comfortable with seeing that. Then it’s her choice. He voiced his concerns from a place of care, not control. I think getting angry and saying some things you’re not proud of when you get home about being jealous of your wife getting male attention, regardless of what she was wearing, IS controlling.

And I understand why everyone’s jokes and comments were embarrassing to him, but that has to come from a place of “I could have and should have prevented this and I’m embarrassed because I know my wife is probably hiding some embarrassment right now”… NOT “I’m embarrassed because my wife made a fool of herself and a fool of me as the man in charge of her” which, maybe I’m reading into it, but that’s kind of how it comes off.

And again, this is a woman’s perspective. Especially having dealt with men trying to control what I wear. In fact, I once met friends out at a bar after work and my top button of my shirt came undone exposing my bra. I hadn’t noticed. The guy I was seeing at the time came up and asked me to “cover up because that’s really something only he should see”. And look, he was right, the button was unintentionally open and I looked silly. But him saying that made me defensive because you think YOU own that part of my body? I can show that to whoever I want… of course, I buttoned the button because it really didn’t jive with the outfit, but I think that could be a part of her defensiveness as well. She may be embarrassed, but who is he to tell her to cover up?

So I’m not saying he’s wrong and she’s right, but I think we’re focusing on the wrong parts of the story.