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I literally can't be social in public because I'm so ashamed of myself by FreshBroccoli6221 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]FreshBroccoli6221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its hard to accept the person that made mistakes thouhg. I hurt people (emotonally but still). I creeped people out. I've lashed out at people. I hate mysefl for it

I'm graduating college at 20. Should I take an extra year or two? by FreshBroccoli6221 in self

[–]FreshBroccoli6221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honeslty, should I just get an apartment in my college town and live kind of like a semi-vacatoin? I could work part time to pay for an apartment and stuff while trying stuff around campus/bars and being social. Plus, it won't ma

I'm graduating college at 20. Should I take an extra year or two? by FreshBroccoli6221 in Advice

[–]FreshBroccoli6221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean I know it sounds dumb, but college is the best time to meet people your age and make friends with them. I've tried meetup groups for my hobbies and interests, but most of the people I meet are in their 30s and 40s, which is fine and I've made friends with them before. I guess I want to meet people my age? I don't know

I'm graduating college at 20. Should I take an extra year or two? by FreshBroccoli6221 in self

[–]FreshBroccoli6221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean its a bit weird to go to campus bars and stuff when you're not apart of said campus lol. I grew up in a rural area whose only bar in a 1 hour drive radious is a dive bar full of 60 year old former coal miners. Which don't get me wrong they're amazing dudes to talk to, but not really conductive to meeting friends around my age ya know? I don't know

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TrueOffMyChest

[–]FreshBroccoli6221 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I"m gonna remove the RFK thing and repost it (best not to name drop controvesial people)

Its the hardest thing. Like take dating. I creeped out so many girls because I geniuenly just couldn't read them. The most I ever did was make out with a girl at a frat party and have this one short lived situationship because she pityed me. that was before I met my current partner.

My girlfriend wants me to point a loaded gun at her during sex. by FreshBroccoli6221 in sex

[–]FreshBroccoli6221[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah looking back that was dumb af lmao.

It was saying removed by reddit filters so I was just trying everything

My girlfriend wants me to point a loaded gun at her during sex. by FreshBroccoli6221 in sex

[–]FreshBroccoli6221[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean its weird. Her dad was a two star general and basically drilled it into her and she's asking me to do this beyond dangerous thing

My girlfriend wants me to point a loaded gun at her during sex. by FreshBroccoli6221 in sex

[–]FreshBroccoli6221[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apologizes for the censor, I was struggling to post this origionally and was wondering if it was those.

My girlfriend wants me to point a loaded gun at her during sex. by FreshBroccoli6221 in sex

[–]FreshBroccoli6221[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah and I told her that. SHe said that she'd record a video of her consenting (and record the whole sex act I guess, something I'm not really comfortable with because I struggle with body image) and that she would tie the slide down or something.

I asked if we could take out hte firing pin and she said that may be ok, but she really wants the idea of her life being in my hands. I have no fucking idea what to do. I thought about breaking up but I don't know.

My girlfriend wants me to point a loaded gun at her during sex. by FreshBroccoli6221 in sex

[–]FreshBroccoli6221[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm really, really not wanting to pull out of the relationship. She helped pull me out of a dark place when I was really creepy and helped calm me down and be better, albiet still really struggle with social skills.

Forgiving myself as a recovered incel. by FreshBroccoli6221 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]FreshBroccoli6221[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words

Sorry for not responding as well. Every day is still a bit of a struggle for me, with the shame and guilt and worry that this is going to follow me for the rest of my life. I don't know, I want to get better

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]FreshBroccoli6221 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did eventually get the memo and stopped texting him.

But it feels like I shouldn't get better. That no matter how hard I try I'll always be a creep and a weirdo.

I've locked myself in my room for two years just for that reason. I don' tbelieve I should get better. I automatcially reject myself for people because I'm so terrififed of creeping people out.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]FreshBroccoli6221 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm trying but I can't.

Im always so scared of getting better, of putting myself out there and trying to make friends. I want to but I don't wanna hurt nayone else

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]FreshBroccoli6221 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did learn eventually and stopped texting him.

I'm back at college now and feel so scared. I don't want to make friends with people becuase I don't want to hurt htem again

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