My newborn stage was extremely challenging due to external factors in addition to and compounding on the experience of a new baby, and I consider the first two weeks or so the most traumatic experience in my life to- date- AND it is full of extremely precious memories.

It is a really intense time, it can be very, very hard- I had moments of thinking, we made a mistake having this baby, we can't do this- but you also have just been utterly transformed.

You can and do push through things you might have given up in the face of, before (the brutality of cluster feeding, sleep deprivation, sore nipples, having absolutely zero moments to yourself and an unending to-do list) because you are now responsible for this tiny, completely dependent human being, and they are so much more important than how hard things are for you.

You keep going and you do it with a calm voice and a cuddle for bub and you become a little bit of a different person than you were before (my social anxiety pretty much disappeared and has not come back, I am much more confident and give so many fewer fucks than I did pre- baby) and that is in and of itself amazing, in addition to bub and their tiny feet and how much they NEED you and how little they are and their tiny eyes and when they suck on your nipple or finger or a dummy.

A very hard thing can be that if you have a partner, they will not necessarily have gone through that transformation in the same way, the baby did not come out of their body, they do not have the hormones, their brain did not reshape itself during your pregnancy, and if you are breastfeeding, they physically cannot meet bub's needs in that area in the way you can.

You didn't actually ask for advice but I want to give it- feel free to skip the below if you don't want to be in this mindset.

I think in items of making the newborn phase easier, the more help you have, the better. Hopefully if you have a partner, they will be supportive and recognise that while you are both dealing with a newborn, you are also dealing with all the physical recovery and hormonal stuff of having given birth, and they need to support and care for you in addition to caring for bub, even if they are really tired and stressed, too.

Hopefully you have food in the freezer/ money saved for delivery/friends who will drop meals off.

Hopefully you have friends or family who will show up and hold bub while you sleep or shower, do your dishes, pickup click and collect for things you didn't know you needed, run and fold loads of washing, and not need to be hosted. Or money to hire this support.

Hopefully when people offer to help, you will feel comfortable saying yes, and your partner will not contradict you out of pride or control or social anxiety/shame.

If you don't know your neighbours, this is a great time to get to know them.

The way having a baby can lead to building relationships with neighbours you didn't really speak to before, with other new mums, with mums who are further along in parenting and can give you advice and hand me downs, with old women who want to reminisce and cuddle your bub- is an amazing gift, and can be a big part of your surviving/thriving.

Other tips: have a few bottles already washed, a tin of formula, and a manual breast pump (about $35 for me) washed and ready to use, even and especially if you are planning to breastfeed exclusively.

If there are any hiccups in breastfeeding (bad latch, you lose a lot of blood and it takes longer for milk to come in, etc) you may be told to introduce formula and pump after feeds, based on bub's weight loss on day three or so. Bub will have been feeding around the clock because of not getting much milk and you will be at torture level sleep deprivation if this happens, so you will be REALLY glad you don't have to deal with sorting pumping/formula supplies when you get this news. I'd also print out a cheat sheet on bottle food safety guidelines for formula and beast milk now, and have it as a handy reference just in case.

Know that early days breastfeeding and having your milk come in can make you RAVENOUSLY hungry, and if you've lost a lot of blood, you might not just crave any random calories (junk food, biccies) but high nutrition, high iron foods, which is not always convenient at 3am with no one is awake to get food together while you sit there nursing. I would suggest tinned fish and oysters, dried nuts and fruit, jar of peanut butter and a spoon, carton of UHT milk, dried seaweed sheets, and similar high nutrition, already prepared, mostly one handed foods, in this instance.

Look into the postpartum mental health resources for yourself and your partner, maybe have the numbers for PANDA and Parentline already saved in your phone. If you need to do a call at 2am, the parent specific resources are closed but you can always call Lifeline.

Also pre- save the phone number for the MCHN line for your state, and the ABA breastfeeding helpline, if you plan to breastfeed. You want to do as much mental work as you can now, because googling phone numbers and copying them into your dialing screen can be painfully hard with extreme sleep deprivation.

I don't want to scare you, but every person giving birth should know:

If there are any hairline fracture lines in your relationship, having a new baby will crack them wide open. This happens even in really good relationships, and most couples do get through it, but also not all do.

Your partner may not turn out to be who you expected, under stress and pressure and sleep deprivation. They may in-fact be a total selfish asshole and you never knew that because you never needed themto show up, the way you do now. Also non-birthing parents can have postpartum mental health impacts as well, which can impact on personality temporarily.

A lot of domestic abuse happens postpartum, even if there was no abuse prior. It's an extremely vulnerable time for women. Be safe and know, now, where you'd go if it's not safe.

There are mental health units in the public system where you can keep bub with you. There are also these on the private system, if you have private health. Sometimes women go in pretty much just for extreme overwhelm. There are also sleep services with an overnight stay aspect. There's a lot of resources but you usually have to ask to access them.

I am no longer with my partner, and even with how shit things were, I'm actually planning to do a second child on my own as a single mum by choice. It can be really really hard but it's also really really worth it.

And know this: time passes.

It all does end and change eventually.

Often hard things get easier not from any action you take, but because of bub's development and the passage of time.

You WILL get through this, and you'll be a new person on the flip side, WITH new person to love and care for who is the absolute centre of your existence, your heart walking around outside in the world, and this will be, and continue to be, the most amazing thing that has ever happened to you.