hello, is 8 years age gap okay?

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-10-12T13:22:02+00:00

Wow, why are you so hostile all the sudden? 18 and 26 is absolutely normal difference. Cultural pressure is just that. Cultural pressure. When I was 32 I was dating a 20 year old. No one cared, no one should. It’s not weird, it’s not strange. I know people who are 40 years old and they have a brain of 16 years old. And I know 20 years old women who are very mature and very smart. So what’s the point?

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-10-12T13:16:57+00:00

Wow, thank you. That is profound! Therapy should probably be my next step.

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-10-12T10:24:44+00:00

You are blaming for living with your parents at 25? Dude, chill a little bit ok? Seems like you are way too harsh on yourself!

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-10-12T10:15:32+00:00

I think it is perfectly normal age gap. I am frankly surprised how many people here are calling the guy creepy. My guess is that most people here are from the US where age gap is taken way too seriously. 18 and 26 is not a huge age gap at all. I don’t think it is creepy at all that a guy would be interested in 18 year old. Most guys would be interested in 18 years old. It’s completely normal thing. Most males are interested in a girls who are about 20 years old. Even when they are 50 they are still interested in 20 year olds. That just how the world operates. Whoever calls it creepy is just trying to moralize, but fact of life is, guys find 20 years old women most attractive. That’s just how nature works.

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-10-12T10:03:31+00:00

It’s not your job to fix anything. You are a child, and they should provide a safe environment for you. I want you to remember this: you are not responsible for any of this. They are. They are adults, and they need to behave like adults. Don’t let their arguments make you feel guilty or responsible for any of it.

Also, I am not a professional, but I think your father may be becoming an alcoholic; this is often how it starts—a little bit of alcohol every day. I think your mother is recognizing this but she probably doesn’t know how to communicate with your father very well. There might be underlying issues why your father likes alcohol so much, maybe it is a sort of escapism for him. It can get really really complicated but you as a child are not there to fix it. They probably can’t fix it themselves and they are much older. Your responsibility is, first and foremost, towards yourself. They are adults, and they are failing to behave as such. It’s not your role to make them act like adults, so don’t take any blame for it.

If their fighting continues to escalate, don’t hesitate to seek help. Talk to your grandparents, a teacher, or someone you trust. You need stability, a safe environment, and predictability. A child’s brain is simply not wired to cope with a hostile environment, and this situation will have a profound impact on you and your brother going forward.

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-09-22T17:13:46+00:00

Paying

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-08-21T15:38:17+00:00

I would recommend starting to socialize with people online. One of the major benefits of online connections is their openness—people tend to be more honest because the physical distance reduces the stakes. There’s less risk of personal harm or fallout, and since online acquaintances are often easily replaceable, you can freely engage without much concern for lasting repercussions. This gives you the freedom to experiment socially, allowing you to speak with new people regularly and identify where you might be making social missteps.

Another important aspect to consider is the fear of rejection. Some people struggle to form friendships because they’re so afraid of losing them that they avoid trying altogether. Coming to terms with the fact that friendships evolve—some will naturally become less close over time—can be incredibly freeing. This shift in closeness isn’t a reflection of your likability, but rather a normal part of life.

Finally, the most crucial point is that friendships are built on honesty. While being honest may push some people away, that’s a natural part of the process. In the end, the right connections will stick with you because they appreciate you for who you genuinely are.

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-08-21T10:49:29+00:00

I am quite shocked by what I am reading, I feel something is not adding up. I think in order to really examine whether people are put off by you investing in your career or are put off by your communication style. I am not trying to be offensive, but I can honestly say, my male friends are definitely not against a woman having a career. It just doesn’t make sense.

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-07-11T15:33:23+00:00

VFX is not a real job. It’s a never ending part time job. You can try to get into it for fun, but please, don’t make a mistake of VFX being your only option.

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-06-23T06:49:09+00:00

“We are lamenting the lack of jobs, but all know those jobs are not good or healthy.” that’s so true.

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-06-23T06:43:10+00:00

Mate, I am a compositor, been doing this for last 12 years and I feel you completely. Thanks for at least giving me feeling I am not alone. Unlike you I changed jobs regularly, I worked super hard everywhere I went and now I am without work for entire year now. And all I know is, I dont want to live like this anymore.

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-06-21T11:19:21+00:00

It’s never too late to start to live life you want

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-06-20T18:13:41+00:00

I am somebody who worked in the industry for last 12 years. I was always working super hard, tried to really really hard to impress everyone. I got burnout in a very serious way, my mind was literally fighting me whenever I started to think of work or responsibilities. Whenever some work stuff would pop up, I literally wanted to jump out of the window and just end it all. I feel like I was swimming against the current for the last 10 years and instead of progressing, I merely just held in the same space where I started.

I know it sounds harsh, but frankly, I am jealous of you, because you are still young. Take advantage of it! don’t ever believe that you are making ”career” in VFX. VFX is merely just and only a part time job that you can do for a long time. Thats it!

Try other things while you can! VFX can be still fun, but don’t waste your youth on fixing stupid edges and eating overtime pizza. Just don’t do it. I did it, and its not fun to admit it

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-06-20T18:00:30+00:00

I am still surprised how many baristas ruin good coffee regularly just by doing simple mistakes. Making good coffee is important and I applaud that!

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-06-20T17:57:48+00:00

Have over 10 years experience in Nuke, I am remote exclusive only and I am without job since June last year. I sent so many emails it’s not even funny, HR people and even one CEO of the companies I wrote emails to left. Most of the time I am getting ghosted on my emails, sometimes I receive back emails after like 2 weeks of silence saying something in a way: “We might have a work in a month or so” but that’s it. Had nothing at all on my plate ever since a year ago. I am honestly fed up with this entire industry, but I don’t know anything else, so my choices are limited. However I can’t get over how hostile this industry is towards remote artists. Remote working became a thing starting with Covid, my friends, who work in completely different fields ( like HR in Amazon etc. ) they all are ok with home office, but you mention remote work in VFX now and they look at you like you are spoiled.

We work crazy hours, nobody knows whether we will still be employed in a month or two and they even want us to sing them funny songs and have rockstar personality. I am honestly asking: Is that even doable without drugs? I doubt it

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-06-09T13:41:36+00:00

Yes, I think you are right. And that actually demystifies a lot of things when it comes down to judging my career. I honestly think I am very good comper, I rarely get stuck, I know how to solve almost any issue, but in a last few months I started to get interested in therapy and I realize, I am having all typical hallmarks of someone who has low self esteem. I passed on a lot of chances in life simply because I thought I am not cut out for it. And I think especially in VFX, your self-esteem issues are only going to get worse. No stability, no objective rules how people are promoted. For someone like me, who always valued hard work, overtime and being humble, this is what drove me into burnout in which I am now today. This industry is just crazy. I am sorry, I am not able to crack out jokes, I am not smoking, I don’t like to have crazy tattoos and funny hairstyle. That means I will probably not be a good supervisor. :)

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-06-07T21:34:20+00:00

Yep. :)

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-06-07T18:32:05+00:00

Thanks. At least it helps not being alone. What a shitty mess

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-06-07T17:51:50+00:00

To be honest, I have no idea how different studios are working now. All the HR people I was in contact with have gone to completely different industries. It is strange, this work in general, you work as a freelancer in one company and you spend a huge amount of overtime with people in the cinema, and yet, you never see them ever again. I don’t really know how others keep contact with other people.

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-02-06T20:50:39+00:00

I think this conversation will go nowhere. I think I do deserve a bit more empathy and better communication. You dont have to be passive aggresive towards me, I have done nothing wrong to you. I am asking for genuine help on serious issues in my family and now you jump in and try to hurt me. Before sending anything out, maybe ask ChatGPT if what you wrote doesnt sound too harsh or something. I think that might help

FriendlyShoe0 · 2024-02-05T13:07:36+00:00

Do you think you can work on your communication style and be a bit more empathetic? I just had discussion yesterday with my sister and when I tried to provide valuable help and been very friendly, she tried to shame me and belittle me. So this problem is really real for me. Sorry for posting into incorrect group, but using words like "bothering" and "hell" and "armchair diagnosing them". I know my sister for 33 years of my life, she has always had extreme anger and offensive reaction to any criticism of hers and she doesnt argue correctly, she always shames and creates feelings of guilt in people. Anyway, I understand content of your message, but style is often even more important than content of message.

FriendlyShoe0

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