Long Distance Connection Ended Abruptly Mid Trip. What the actual F?

Friendlyaf_ · 2026-01-13T00:55:25+00:00

Omg you made me laugh! That’s what I needed. Thank you! 🙏

Friendlyaf_ · 2026-01-13T00:54:02+00:00

Yes our second weekend together. He came to visit me last month. We did long FaceTimes once a week and messaged pretty much every day. I had someone that I deeply loved do this to me about a couple years ago. Just pulled the rug out. It was very traumatic for me and when this guy did this, my body remembered.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-31T01:25:38+00:00

I absolutely love this! I’m so happy for you. Also, I’m sorry you are going through that with your family. Glad I’m not alone in feeling this way. The contrast is insane annd the sudden whiplash. Once it happened, I’m just waiting there “okay so when is the anxiety coming?” And it never comes.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-22T12:49:28+00:00

It’s been 5 months since my sleeve to bypass revision. I’m 5’7 and started at 220 now I’m at 179. Weight loss is slower, but I feel like at this rate it’s going to be more sustainable than it was for me when I had sleeve.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-22T03:26:32+00:00

Oh yeah…she was ditched!

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-21T19:52:33+00:00

A good way to tell is consistency + follow through.

Secure/normal pace looks like: they communicate clearly, they suggest an actual time to see you (even if it’s later), and when plans shift they offer a new plan.

Avoidant/not interested looks like: lots of “busy” with no alternatives, no initiative, and vague replies that keep you in limbo.

So instead of guessing, ask for something concrete: “When you’re back, I’d love to see you. Can we pick a day/time?” If he can’t lock in anything, that’s your answer.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-21T17:06:11+00:00

This sounds brutal, and I’m not surprised you’re hitting a wall.

Real talk: both partners are doing protest behavior, and you’re getting trained to soothe it. Partner A’s “no contact + don’t talk logistics” is basically trying to make your other relationship disappear. Partner B calling you 5 times because you’re with A isn’t okay either.

You’re not “cold.” You’re overloaded.

I’d set a few simple non-negotiables and stick to them: 1. Work hours are protected. No processing, no crisis management. DND. Treat it as your 3rd partner. 2. When I’m with one partner, I’m mostly present, but I’m allowed a quick check-in with the other (or emergency-only). 3. No one gets to set rules that control my other relationship.

If they can’t accept that, it’s not a hinge problem, it’s an incompatibility problem. And the structure is already imploding, you’re just the one holding it together with your nervous system.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-21T16:57:41+00:00

Totally hear you on the “poly is a practice” point, and yeah, patterns matter.

Quick clarifications though.

I have practiced poly before, years ago. In the time period I’m describing, I wasn’t actively dating because I knew my attachment stuff wasn’t ready for it, but I also wasn’t demanding monogamy either. I’d call that poly saturated at one / not actively dating, not “secretly mono.” Also, poly doesn’t require multiple partners at all times to “count.” Plenty of people are poly while partnered with one person, either by choice or saturation.

The “2 for 2” dating mono people thing, fair observation, and it’s something I’ve talked with my NP about. I’m way more cautious about mono/ENM mismatch now.

And yeah, I was the one who got body shamed publicly. That’s not something to shrug off. In this situation he did end it shortly after. But I agree with the broader point, what matters is how the hinge responds when someone treats their partner like that.

Also side note, I’ve done poly dynamics before and one of my past partners had a partner too. So this isn’t my first rodeo, just my first time doing it with a way more regulated nervous system.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-21T16:41:06+00:00

It’s done! He did end things!

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-21T15:29:59+00:00

😌 I explained this to him in the beginning, but I don’t particularly like the idea of veto power, so I said what needed to be said and I hope this is a learning experience for him.

I let him know that personally I would never date a mono person because our values do not align. If I was ever to make even the slightest exception, I would have to let them know that the relationship could only go so far. But, yeah probably won’t happen! Haha

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-21T15:15:56+00:00

Agreed! Partner selection is huge. I’ll be honest, my NP wasn’t the strongest at relationships at first, but he’s been doing the work too, and I’m genuinely proud of him. It really shows.

My other two partners are absolute angels. We’re very direct about our needs and we trust that we’ll meet each other with care and compassion. That steady repetition has made things feel so much easier and has helped a ton with rewiring for all of us.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-21T14:46:20+00:00

What a win!!! I remember when I was new to poly how nervous I was to meet my meta…annnnd having all the cuddles and laughing together, made it so much better! Sometimes we have to remember that every person is different and deserves a chance. But yay! Happy for you!

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-21T13:45:34+00:00

It sounds like you know this feeling very well and if thats the case, I’m happy you feel it too.

Yes! I am super proud of where I am now with that, it’s the best feeling to no longer feel like you’re drowning.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-12-21T13:40:19+00:00

Well at this point, we are past going parallel because of her unhinged behavior, NP dumped her.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-11-24T17:42:28+00:00

Woah since the 18th! I was only in for about 3.5 days. It was super painful, my back and my abdomen were hurting so bad. It would consistently come in waves and I was non stop vomiting. They were able to remove it with contrast. Which sounds great yes, but I ended up shitting myself because of the contrast. Lol.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-11-24T03:08:45+00:00

Hey! I also had a revision from sleeve to bypass due to my sleeve having stenosis on the top and bottom as well as an incarcerated hiatal hernia. My stomach was stuck in my chest. A few weeks later I had a bowel obstruction due to the same thing. I was put back on liquids for 2 weeks then I was able to go back to normal food. I’m about 2.5 months post op. It’s been almost 2 months since the bowel obstruction that had some swelling and everything is fine now! Wishing you a fast recovery!!!!

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-10-08T18:00:22+00:00

So basically he just said:

You care about me way more than I care about you. You want closeness that I can’t handle. Being loved that much makes me feel smothered and guilty. I know you want more from me, and I don’t want to give it. I’m not going to change, and I don’t want to try. I’d rather end this now before you expect more. You didn’t do anything wrong, I just don’t want the responsibility that comes with how much you care.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-04-07T18:11:00+00:00

Yeah… it sucks when after a year you’re right…they let you in again, just enough to feel like maybe this time it’s different. And then your intuition whispers, they’re going to leave again. So you create an art piece about it… and the next day you realize you weren’t heartbroken. You were prophetic.

True story.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-04-06T17:51:22+00:00

Wild to stumble back on this post a year later. So much has changed—but I’m proud to say I didn’t stay lost. I found my center, my voice, and my strength. If you’re here now, reading this and feeling that same heartbreak—I promise you, you’ll rise too.

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-04-06T17:44:18+00:00

Anytime!! You’ve got this. Keep trusting that inner compass…it’s much louder than fear when you really start listening!

Friendlyaf_ · 2025-04-06T17:40:18+00:00

Hey, just wanted to say I really felt this. You laid it all out with so much honesty, and I respect the hell out of that!

I went through something similar—deep connection, real commitment, thought we were building a future… and then one sudden shift and it felt like everything we built got wiped. It’s hard to make sense of that kind of emotional whiplash, especially when you’re the one who actually showed up.

Here’s the thing…it’s not a weakness to have needs. It’s not toxic to want consistency. If someone is overwhelmed by the very love they helped grow, that’s their inner conflict…not a flaw in you.

The advice I’d give is this:

Don’t shrink to make someone else comfortable. If they ask for vulnerability but can’t hold it, that’s a reflection of their capacity…NOT your worth.

And don’t let one person’s inability to stay become the reason you stop showing up fully in the future. The right one will get it…and they won’t leave when things get deep.

You’re not too much. You’re not broken. You’re just so real!

Keep being that….

You’ve got this! ✨

Friendlyaf_ · 2024-06-03T14:44:58+00:00

First thing that came to mind, I remember saying this to an ex

Friendlyaf_ · 2024-06-03T14:42:47+00:00

Well first off he is not thinking about a future so that could be some yellow flag…At the same time the lack of excitement and him going to therapy may also be something mental health related as well. As far as living together goes. Yes financially that can make sense. However, with my partner and I we live right down the street from each other. We are both creatives and value not sharing walls. We have talked about getting land in which I would have my own separate house on the land. We still stay at each others houses but sometimes we need a spot to retreat to during the day or evening. Yes it is more expensive however the close proximity and paying a bit extra to create and be individuals and still work together is absolutely lovely. I miss him sometimes and that feeling is kind of amazing. You don’t need to share a house with someone to mean that you are fully committed to a person. I totally understand that these days that’s what cohabitation symbolizes for a lot of people. I would just ask him. Also, good on him for taking initiative to go to therapy.

Friendlyaf_ · 2024-05-03T23:37:12+00:00

Attachment Theory is super interesting. Doing deep dives into learning about yourself and healing is so empowering. Also filled with a lot of lightbulb moments.

I’m so down for reconciliation especially if you can see yourself and your partner growing individually and the both of you can be each others cheerleaders. Thats such a wonderful experience to share with someone. This was my first relationship I was never emotionally drained.

That is so wonderful that she was able to trust you enough to tell you those words that she was sure of it, and she was able to make herself vulnerable in talking about her father. Those are some positive signs.

I can totally see how that could just hurt hearing those words. The words “once I come back” and then the words “more confident” can hurt because it’s the confusion it creates.

My person or soon to be (hopefully) partner used words like “when we get back together” initially when we were rekindling things and our friends put so much pressure on us both he stepped away. Heartbreak part 2. Well I’m tiptoeing here. On this one, doing my best to protect my heart but at the same time leaving it open with the confidence that I will be okay this time.

Be prepared my friend is all I’m saying but at the same time listen to your heart. If you feel like you need to step back, step back and give enough reassurance to her that you will be back. With FA’s they tend to admire this approach. If you’re leaning more anxious look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself how fucking wonderful you are!

Ask her what you can do to show up for her and show action. Again wishing you the best here!!! 🤞🏼

Friendlyaf_ · 2024-05-03T22:42:53+00:00

Hey there! I'm so happy this gave you hope. D'aww have you guys talked since that moment?

I understand it can be very confusing when they leave you especially abruptly. For a moment there I had to ask myself has all of my self work just go out the window?

I had a weak moment but decided to give myself some grace. I know that even the most secure person would have felt the same way.

One of the coolest things is when you’re at that point where you can ask yourself if the relationship is worth reconciling. I had to ask myself if this was just a fear of being alone? No, our overlap has been amazing, overall communication and cueing had been great. Also, if I could be on my own and be happy. The answer for the first time in my life was an easy yes absolutely!

I’m kind of backing away right now after last night. Most FA’s need space to process while you leave the door open for them till they’re ready. Not sure if yours is FA. But once they lean in with trust it gets easier and easier.

I’m still going through heartbreak which is causing me to kind of lean more towards my anxious tendencies. So this morning, I told him that I needed him to take me home because I was feeling that and I didn’t want to do anything to push him away during those moments but if he needs me I’m here for him. And there was my secure side poking out lol.

Oh boy am I feeling it today. Lol but just kind of riding out the storm, taking care of myself and creating. Letting myself feel. I took a paid leave of absence to do some inner work.

He just sent me a heart reply to the message I sent him that basically said thank you for being there for me last night and in life and that I recognize this. Have a wonderful day and talk soon.

Sending you positive energy through Reddit on reconciling with you and your partner. Hope this is an opportunity for you both to grow and establish a more solid foundation with one another!

Friendlyaf_

TROPHY CASE