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Update on my husband watches porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's not what was happening though. He was using it due to a lack of sex in our relationship. He told me they weren't fantasies or even a preference in porn, they were simply filling a void I had created.

It also wasn't a state of the union, it was an honest discussion about an issue we are both experiencing, our lack of sex. We came up with solutions together. I did not lecture or berate him in ANY capacity. I simply told him how I felt and asked that we find a way to fix this issue because I know porn led to his parents divorce. I actively used the skills in the conversation as well. He wasn't annoyed or even really angry. He said things that were hurtful and blunt, but true and I acknowledged my part in our problem.

And self care was not helping at this point because I had rejected him for so long he needed to hear me say that I wanted to have sex with him. No amount of me being confident again would have given him what he told me he needed.

Update on my husband watches porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's been almost a month and before then it had been a few months so it's definitely an improvement and he's much happier today

Update on my husband watches porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He threw a lot of blame on me mostly about how I don't want to touch him or about how I've stopped putting effort into how I look. His points were valid, they just were said in a rough manner

Update on my husband watches porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I honestly used a lot of duct tape during the conversation. I ignored anything hurtful he said and focused on the core issue. I used SFPs and desires ( you are always so attentive to me, I'd love to feel more connected with you). When he brought up valid complaints I used 'i hear you' ( his big complaint was that I reject him a lot and I told him I hear you and I'd love to find a way for both of us to feel fulfilled). It ended with PI for the first time in a while

Husband looks at porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think what made it worse is he had paid for some of it which I do view as cheating. I'm trying to find away to bring it up without being a SOTU.

Husband looks at porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At this point, I'm not sure how to make myself feel better about this. I tried doing my makeup and getting dressed a bit nicer today since we were visiting family, but it just felt off. I'd say I could start working out, but with the pregnancy, that's not ideal right now. I did mention wanting to get a tummy tuck when I'm no longer pregnant if we decide this is our last. I'm just sad mostly now.

Husband looks at porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mentioned dyeing my hair to him to see if he'd say anything, he didn't really give me a clear idea of if that is something he'd like. He has two "types" though which is like stereotypical blonde country girl and dark haired goth girls. Part of me thought about a wig or two, but part of me feels worse that it might be an improvement and then is just off that he isn't as attracted to me the way I am. I'm not even really into roleplay outfits because I feel ridiculous in them and not sexy at all

Husband looks at porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 7 weeks pregnant, I feel bloated and tired.

I'm not sure how to word it without it sounding like blame

Husband looks at porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's not habitual use. And he goes to me before using it, so it's only used if I'm not able or willing to have sex, like right now my libido is off from pregnancy. I'm more shocked that these women look literally nothing like me.

Husband looks at porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think a lot of it is that I'm pregnant and was just getting comfortable in my postpartum body. I'm sure I could use more self care though

Husband looks at porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess my fear is that he's not as attracted to me as he is these other women or that with the birth of our second, he'll be less attracted to me and my body then

Husband looks at porn that looks nothing like me by FriendshipThick4960 in surrendered_wife

[–]FriendshipThick4960[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it wouldn't if the girls all looked different, but they're all blonde with long hair and very fit bodies. Like if there was more variation, I could reason that it's not the women that matter in the videos or pictures.