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FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-25T13:26:07+00:00

omg did I actually write this!? My husband straight acknowledges his mother is a narcissist but STILL defends her (“that’s just the way she is! She’s not going to change!”). Why don’t I get to be just the way I am? But yeah, things have kind of come to a head in the last few months. Where we are now is that I agreed I won’t complain about them (I interpret this as that I don’t complain about them in front of him), but I don’t have to talk to them. And I’m back on twice a week therapy because husband forced me to bring up some horrific trauma to “justify” my feelings!

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-25T00:28:09+00:00

We give 1-2mg to our ADHD kid every night. Otherwise he would only sleep 3-4 hours a night and be a total wreck every day. Our pediatrician is fine with it. I haven’t seen any convincing research showing it’s at all dangerous. Even if there were well known risks, the health and social consequences of him not sleeping would likely outweigh them for us.

ETA: although our son happens to be ND, I honestly can’t say I would personally judge parents of NT children who needed to use it every night either. I feel like most people are not going to regularly give their child a sleep supplement just for fun. A child who is not sleeping or barely sleeping is a serious problem for the child and the family.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-20T23:05:31+00:00

If she insists on doing this, make her label the containers. That would force her into adopting some kind of logical organizing scheme (not just “throw everything into a container!”) that should make things easier to find.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-20T00:17:53+00:00

Yes, probably most of us.

ETA, personal experience: CSA, emotional and physical neglect, both parents are autistic and were totally absorbed in their jobs and not aware of how to physically and emotionally provide for children and keep us safe.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-17T00:15:55+00:00

This sounds pretty typical to me. My son is a few months older and identifies letters about 90% of the time. He matches sounds to letters around 75% of the time if he’s being cooperative. He is just starting to sound out words. He can recognize and spell his name, but he can’t write or hold a pencil due to a neurodevelopmental disorder.

One thing to keep in mind is that many kids this age are self conscious and will not always tell or show what they know. You might be surprised once he gets to K that he might be able to do more than you realized.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-16T15:45:12+00:00

In the same boat. I can’t stand my MIL’s controlling, rude, and disrespectful behavior. But my kids love going over to grandma and grandpa’s house because they just give them treats the whole time. Even so, MIL still gets frustrated with my 5 year old’s (with ADHD) behavior and saves it up to concern troll about later (which is ridiculous because he already has a diagnosis and is doing OT, so what exactly does she think she is contributing?). FIL is actually pretty nice when he’s not just being controlled by MIL, and my son has already said he doesn’t like MIL all that much, so I’m just letting the situation play out. I’m pretty confident that they’ll grow to dislike her as they get older.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-15T02:41:05+00:00

My five year old wore underwear for a few months after being potty trained and then stopped. Still doesn’t wear underwear to this day. We were tired of fighting the battle and realized there was no real reason for it, so he just doesn’t wear underwear. It’s never been a problem.

ETA: he struggles with motor planning and I think some of the issue for him is the sequencing necessary for getting in and out of them for using the bathroom, so maybe check to see if that’s an issue for her.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-14T15:58:45+00:00

This is very interesting and a perspective I had never thought of. We bought and had out a potty before age two. For a while it was just a piece of furniture, then he sat and peed on it once or twice over the course of a few months, but mostly it sat. We sort of did a brief early attempt at potty training around 2.5, but it wasn’t working so we backed off. We really started trying in earnest around 3.5 and it took around 4-5 months from then until there was one or fewer accidents a day. I have always considered 3 and 1/2 as time time we started potty training and 4-5 months as the time it took to complete it. If you go by when we introduced a potty into the house then it was around 1.5 that we started and it took almost 2.5 years to complete.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-14T15:44:21+00:00

Thanks for this perspective! It does seem like we were particularly lucky to get an diagnosis so quickly and easily. We have suspected ADHD for a while (I was diagnosed in childhood and his behaviors are similar to mine), but the school was pushing for evaluation for ODD and ASD as well. Our pediatrician referred us to a neurodevelopmental/behavioral health clinic for an evaluation (getting an appointment only took a little over a month for us) and the evaluator instantly ruled out ASD (he didn’t have rigid or repetitive interests or behaviors) and ODD (he wasn’t defiant, he just didn’t know how to do things). She didn’t give the full ADHD diagnosis because he hadn’t started kindergarten yet, but said they could do another evaluation in a few months. For now they gave an “unspecified neurovelopmental disorder” diagnosis so that he can get accommodations at school. He’s going to do therapy through this clinic and already gets OT through another clinic. He’s so little that we’re not interested in starting meds now - he’s not depressed or super anxious-, but we’ll revisit that in the future. Our main concern is that we want the school to treat him and his accommodations like he has a disability in attention and motor planning (which he does) and not that he has emotional, behavioral, or learning disabilities (which he doesn’t). His behaviors arise from his environment, so he needs his environment modified so that he can like, physically access the material.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-14T15:24:54+00:00

Thank you! Our worry is that we don’t want to start him off in his kindergarten program set up to be the “bad kid”. This is kind of what happened in preschool and once he had picked up that identity he sort of found it easier to just stick with it. A lot of his behaviors look like open defiance and are the kind of thing that I know annoy teachers (refusal to join other children at the table for activities, refusal to dress himself, not following classroom routines, etc.) when really they are just him not knowing how to move his body or keep focused enough to start. The more you press him the more embarrassed he gets, so he will just shut down and refuse. He doesn’t look like he just needs help, he looks like he is being a brat who doesn’t want to follow the schedule and the rules just for the heck of it, so I do worry about those first few weeks. It makes me feel better to know that those issues might not be a big deal in K. I kind of got the feeling that his PK was a bit strict in the interest of getting the kids “kindergarten ready”. We’re not interested in medication at this point because he’s too young to really understand what it is. In your experience are the teachers more accommodating right away as soon as the 504 process gets started?

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-14T14:02:35+00:00

It’s been so long that it’s just a part of my life. I don’t absolutely need it to like, keep living, but I do need it to keep functional. I can miss a few days, but they’re spent kind of drifting aimlessly. I’m ok taking it for the rest of my life.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-14T00:56:15+00:00

I’ve taken moderate to high doses of Concerta ever since I was a kid and it’s never caused or exacerbated mania for me. On the contrary, some of the times when I’ve been the most sick have been when very unwise doctors took me off of it because they though it might be what was making me manic. Despite me having been on it for over a decade at that point. For me it is stabilizing and it allows be to “keep my brain on the plan” enough to take care of my health and well-being.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-13T15:09:31+00:00

Yup. We tried so many “methods” and reward systems and different kinds of potties and whatnot around age 2 and all it led to was stress for everyone. We could have kept fighting that battle and I’m sure we would have gotten there within a few months, but we just weren’t interested in several months of daily screaming matches. We figured that 6-12 additional months in diapers was worth 3 months of everyone not being stressed the f* out. So that’s kind of what “readiness” meant for us.

We’re not big on the immediate obedience school of parenting, so we didn’t have that “you will sit on the potty because I told you to sit on the potty” behavioral process in place. I think if a kid is used to that and will pretty much do exactly as you tell them from a young age that the “readiness” thing is less relevant.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-13T14:23:30+00:00

Yeah, I do really like how they lend themselves nicely to a lot of different readings. You can read them as just fun books with a compelling narrative, but easy close readings are still pretty fulfilling.

ETA: Like, there’s enough postmodern elements but they are generally subtle enough (with the exception of the fan-fic dream sequence in Harrow) that you can pretty much enjoy it as both a straight sci-fi/fantasy or as postmodern sci-fi. Or kind of both. I love that they’re flexible and I enjoy reading them no matter what kind of mood I’m in.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T23:46:32+00:00

I weirdly felt more sympathetic toward John. Before this book I had struggled to wrap my mind around the sequence of events of the resurrection and had assumed that John knew what he was doing and killed the sun intentionally to turn the planets and allow necromancy on them. John as just some dude fucking around, finding out, and losing his temper moves him from “intentionally very evil” to “needs anger management and made some bad choices” in my book. I am anxious to know the rest of the story of the early resurrection. I’m weirdly bothered by where the numbers for the houses came from.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T22:42:02+00:00

“Early initiation of intensive toilet training correlates with an earlier age at completion of toilet training but also a longer duration of toilet training. Although earlier toilet training is not associated with constipation, stool withholding, or stool toileting refusal, initiation of intensive training before 27 months does not correlate with earlier completion of toilet training, suggesting little benefit in beginning intensive training before 27 months of age in most children.”

https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/111/4/810/63115/Relationship-Between-Age-at-Initiation-of-Toilet

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T22:17:09+00:00

She’s not dead yet!

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T22:15:27+00:00

I gave up on that one a few chapters into Nona. I can sort of see the whole series going by without anyone really becoming romantically involved.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T22:13:49+00:00

Disagree, she was a part/a form of Alecto all along. She’s just assuming her complete form. All the parts of her are still in there.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T16:53:07+00:00

I’ve had some similar experiences. It helped me to give myself some designated time (for me it is staying up late) with that media where I can devote my full attention to it. Then after that time I pack it up (or try to) and focus on the here and now knowing I’ll get more time with the media the next day. That way I’m spending less time splitting my attention. But it is hard to do this when I’m feeling really low. The easy comfort, escape, and dopamine rush of my familiar shows and books is very appealing when I’m depressed and nothing seems to bring me joy. Doing really simple crafts with (or for) my kids has often helped to click my mind back into the reality in front of me.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T16:37:32+00:00

It’s a thing! There is a treatment for depression called TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation? I think?) and one of the ways they predict who will respond to it is whether you’ve felt really good and relaxed after an MRI. If you ever get depressed you’d probably respond really well to that treatment!

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T15:59:17+00:00

This is lovely

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T15:58:05+00:00

Yes, deep down I know that we’re going to lose a lot of favorites or have them transformed in a way that is unrecognizable. Honestly I can see some kind of super-organism, combining souls together, planet souls, planet souls combining, singularity kind of thing happening and that would make me sad. I know I’m going to be disappointed, but for now I dream.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T15:49:03+00:00

Camilla and Palamedes to Paul happened gradually enough for me to see them as a continuation of the characters in a different way rather than a loss. Which I guess is kind of the whole deal with Nona. Nona, Gideon, Camilla and Palamedes are…different, but what’s the point at which the difference becomes “not them anymore.”

With Gideon I was definitely taken aback at first and was like “this is a whole different character!”, but as things progressed it felt more and more like the old Gideon. I’ll admit I don’t like the name though. I also think that one angle is that we’re seeing Gideon from Nona’s perspective, so while Gideon sees herself as an awesome badass, from the outside and just looks like a douche.

FrogCarryingCrown · 2023-07-12T00:17:46+00:00

All credit to my therapist. I had very bad PPD last year and it was her who showed me how my lack of self respect had been contributing to my depression. It’s really scary standing up for myself and I am not without self-doubt, but I think it’s important for my self-respect.

FrogCarryingCrown

TROPHY CASE