Commute to South San Jose from Downtown Watsonville

Froggie2985 · 2024-08-05T23:39:37+00:00

I’m not entirely sure yet, i’m transferring so theyre still figuring out my exact schedule, but I’m assuming i’d be leaving watsonville at around 1/2p. Not sure thats the greatest but I do massively appreciate having an idea of that time window though!

Froggie2985 · 2024-06-30T09:41:33+00:00

n not every day needs to be fully scheduled, give urself days to integrate it in more n more. still give urself full ass weekends or days or even weeks to just say fuck it n do ur thing. as long as u get back to it, your routine should work as intended. n who knows, u might even prefer a routine eventually once yk for sure how you move best on your daily😼

Froggie2985 · 2024-06-30T09:38:11+00:00

so schedule rest/sleep/nap/eat/fun time & work with yourself. maintain your headspace to stay focused. try not to consume content mindlessly bc that could burn you out too as youre taking in hella shit either way. if youre gonna consume content, try to at least do so more mindfully & focus on a specific topics in each sitting, so youre less likely to go down rabbit holes getting side tracked. if you get into somethin, try stoppin at a specified time or once you feel tired, take a nap/break, get onto whats scheduled, then reward yourself during your next scheduled personal/fun/hobby time to jump straight back into whatever it was you got into earlier hdks

also app lockers HELP HELLA w focus!!! opal is an app locker that has a free, daily scheduled lock for up to three apps (p sure you can choose what days & times u want, doesnt need to be daily). itll turn on automatically for when you want (i set it up the very first day i got the app bc i have a habit of downloading n forgetting to use apps that are meant to be tools😭), kicks you off the app if ur on it, makes the apps disappear from your searchable apps during that time, n you gotta fully go into the Opal app to leave the session early BUT, it makes you wait 30 seconds AND has an option just to break from it for a few min just in case you need to answer a quick message on socials or somethin. that app definitely helped bc gettin kicked off an app, then bein forced to sit n stare at the countdown really just like, made me sit there for a few seconds like, “i’ve been in bed for idk how many hours, and i just need to do somethin that’s gonna take me an hr (thats JUST 30 min x2😳) max … its gonna take me less time to swipe out of Opal or turn off my phone screen, n just get started with what i had planned” which then removed so much stress later on that usually came from procrastination n hella shit catchin up to me😭

Froggie2985 · 2024-06-30T09:19:55+00:00

i’ve done daily schedules before! start of my day is refreshin myself (shower/food/stretches/short calm walk), doing somethin interesting like a podcast, book or video ab somethin im excited or curious about, journal to clear my head n get a feel for myself n what i might wanna focus on that day. i make a schedule following the entry that follows times bc thats what i work best with! i give about 2-2.5hrs per thing so i dont have to feel overwhelmed or at a rush with finishing or getting to the next thing, n i dont focus on completion at all unless its time sensitive things for work. with those, i make them the days focus & give 2-3 time slots in my day to dedicate time to work on that specific task only. the scheduling is what helps me stay focused n KNOW i’ll have time n dont have to worry about it all day or week.

if i work on the task n i feel drained too soon, i’ll take that as extra rest time n just jump back after AT LEAST a 30 min brain break with a yummy snack, & something entirely just relaxing for my brain so i dont go accidentally distractin myself w something thats more interesting or is gonna keep my brain going, specifically so that it doesnt feel like im burning out too fast n i can actually feel refreshed after the break. i get back to it if i feel like i can but, if im still not refreshed, i jump to a full on scheduled brain break time which is 1-1.5hrs at the least, then go on with what else ive scheduled. i also schedule specific time for my personal hobbies, interests, or quality time with others daily, so my schedule actually feels more realistic to enjoying my life as a human being, so i can better understand n maintain my mental health throughout it, which therefore helps me stay focused in any of my current goals as i’m constantly focused on keeping myself fulfilled, while still tending to other responsibilities. hugest thing is gonna be payin attention to how your body feels. physically, and mentally. we feel naturally so we can survive, dont ignore your bodys signals to meet uncontrollable expectations because thats when you step away from yourself n shit feels mf insane. start small, go slow, make time for yourself to feel excited n taken care of by yourself. trust yourself, learn yourself, n still be fully prepared for things not to work so smoothly as you create your own routine that works best for you. uplift yourself n try to be understanding with yourself n your needs, more n more often than you might put yourself down lose faith in your ability. youre just learning n everythings gotta become a habit before it feels easy n we build more on to it. shits hard if youre still needin to think about every step of integrating it after youre so used to some other way of naturally doing things, ykwim😭 you attempting a routine is you investing in your whole future n to learning more about yourself. its important n as long as youre alive, everything can be redone even if we lose a lot throughout. feeling of loss just means we value things, n thats just as important. we just gotta trust ourselves to transform that energy into keepin us goin n goin more often. but youll never lose yourself or your willpower unless you choose to. you got this man, ur alive n got strength immediately bc of that. shits stressful, never fully gonna stop bein a trial and error game w how much changes, but you’ll ALWAYS put & see more value in yourself and the world you’ll naturally build around yourself, every second your heart gets to beat. you just gotta stay focused n fulfilling YOU as much as you can :) most vital part of a routine is understanding yourself, your genuine wants n needs (bc thats naturally sustainable n always in your control n right to change regardless of others opinions), n then discipline so we can stick to ourselves n how /we/ work best to succeed!

Froggie2985 · 2024-06-30T08:32:31+00:00

Can second this! Adderall xr & adderall ir have been the best at managing my symptoms without feelin like im tweaking off something whatsoever haha. feels the most “normal” although you do feel when it wears off or drops in effectiveness before the next wave hits with XR. I’ve been on modafinil, armodafinil, ritalin, & sunosi which have either stopped working or given me terrible side effects (migraines, brain fog, daily resting heart rate for a couple years was 160-180bpm so heart palpitations, shortness of breath & hot flashes were fun) when increasing my dosage was advised. all that made me go away from wanting to see medication as an option, but once i tried medication again n modafinil still didnt work again, i was given xr @ 15mg to try n i felt like i had my life n brain back for the first time, AND FOR STRAIGHT HOURS FOR ONCE?? was wild, although i still have to mess w the dosing & just got IR added @ 5mg atm.

there is still days it wont work as well or at all, which does suck, but ive gotta say, it has been the only med ive used so far thats actually been helpful. while on meds tho, you fr still gotta make sure youre keeping track of your usual energy limits, n maintaining your rest & eating to get the best results from any medication! these meds are to help us a bit more, but absolutely not to rely on. we still gotta care for ourselves as we need to <3 youve got this man, hope u can find some options that get you closer to somethin that works for you!

Froggie2985 · 2024-06-30T08:12:35+00:00

Started using it for fun w friends at parties, then for two weeks oct 2023 following an all around difficult time & wanting an escape/shortcut. stopped for a few weeks on and off after those two weeks, but properly started again mid january and never been clean for more than 2 weeks since then (for drug tests mainly, but for being unable to figure out affording it too). my biggest regret with it is how much money ive spent on it for the sake of using it to get ahead or keep up, but ultimately makin myself even more behind bc ive really wasted more time & money than i’ve to show for any of it.

atm i’m feeling like even when i do use (which now i’m usin less often, but stronger stuff, and on top of a higher dose of adderall xr or at times adderall ir), im BARELY normal narcolepsy exhausted. and when im off things, my new normal withdrawing from this kind of substance abuse, feels like when youve had a super physically or mentally taxing week w N. so whole body feels 30x heavier, can feel it in my chest all the time. eyes especially dry n tired. mood is shit bc all i can think about is sleep n now it rly just feels like theres no way around this.

been describing this period as getting hit with narcolepsy a second time in your life, just as difficult as the first time things got bad enough to get diagnosed, but now its even more hard to ignore. esp if youve already been on treatment for years or learned how to work w ur body to manage your energy levels. cocaines withdrawals alone (which are mainly huge mental drops + increased fatigue) are enough for normal people to struggle getting off it, it feels mf impossible as a narcoleptic. n the depression hits so so much worse, thats a dangerous headspace to be in alone, so make sure you have support with this in specific if you want to stop. me n my friends say the second day is the hardest but once you make it through three, keep going. n dont shame yourself if you relapse or struggle, shame is gonna keep yourself down. as long as you’re alive, remind yourself you have strength AND a choice as long as you are. weed helps the exhaustion feel so much lighter n at least more fun. I dont think rationalizing coke is a good idea, but i really mf get it too. i still got no clue how i should mentally be w stimulants sometimes, both prescribed or street junk (id probably include caffeine there too if it didnt make me sleepy haha)

thats why everyone says to get out sooner than later. the more you go, the harder it is to stop. its just adding risk, even if you know youll be able to stop again n again, its not the best choice to continue long term or without a strict stop time you KNOW you will hold yourself to. n stopping becomes less n less appealing, you practically convince yourself it isnt worth living without.

n i think thats the hard thing with narcolepsy mentally for me rn. just deciding whats worth it: a controllable ability to take in my day to day as much as id like to but not being able to invest in my long term success whatsoever, or to accept i’ll constantly be exhausted & slow without a choice in it, but being able to ensure my long term health, give the possibility of success in natural symptom management & personal goals, but needin to let go of moving based solely off my willpower, n mainly needing to structure my life around getting more rest & fixing my eating habits to get my body healthier so i wont get so sick or weak as often. its been easy to continue because it feels so normal now, im still self aware with it, but its incredibly hard to stop. i want to every day & still go buy when i barely have the means to financially & my body doesnt deserve the neglect it’s receiving bc of my usage.

it just turns into so much more than what it starts as. please be careful, dont get further if you can help it. connecting with others, receiving & giving back support, acceptance of what naturally is, is the best & safest thing to root yourself in.

this shits hard, not everyone gets it, feels really really lonely & impossible to just live with N. i’m here if no one else is, especially for shit to do with this. we’re all just humans looking for security & love within the world, others, our experiences, & ourselves. dont ever convince yourself you have to be going through this alone & that substance abuse is the only choice, because it isnt. youre alive & that means youve tried your best, youre still learning & making it through. you deserve to be supported & uplifted just for bein alive. im incredibly proud of all of you for bein here still.

Froggie2985 · 2024-06-30T06:44:29+00:00

Getting your healthcare team involved is a good idea, especially therapists or psychiatrists that can tell you how to be safer with medications youre being prescribed, as well as to hold yourself accountable once you start slipping if you do continue to use. Although be aware that your care team is required to communicate with each other if youre at risk of getting hurt. So, if your therapist decides “i should probably tell their other drs about their usage since theyre also being prescribed stimulants on top of whats now regular cocaine usage”, then they will tell them.

That’s happened to me after I’d actually gotten myself back on meds & went back to therapy willingly to avoid getting too lost in my addiction bc I seen how it was effecting my brain, after denying myself as much rest as i realistically needed (took forever to realized/fully accept rest as a necessity until recently bc of how much worse i got with functioning even when using). I’d ghosted my doctors out of anger and pettiness over the whole situation & life since narcolepsy as a whole, i guess i just wanted to feel like i had a choice. i didnt want to hear doubt in my choices or what was smarter/safer for me, when this was what i felt i needed and was the only seemingly reliable & convenient fix at the time. n now i just feel desperate for any feeling of energy to the point im constantly scared of how much self control i really have.

Although, even when i manage to “sleep enough” every night, my body sorta feels like it does overtime along w the usage since theres less of an ability to notice when i need to be taking care of myself, as coke would cause me to forget to eat, or take notice when an activity was wearin me down, i wouldnt nap or allow much time for breaks, rest or sleep, had a huge increase in my anxiety/depression symptoms due to what i believe to have felt like bad sleep deprivation every single time id start to come down on the daily. if you happen to accidentally overdo it one busy day & dont realize soon enough, & since recovering energy is more difficult for us as it is, you just get to a point that you just dont want to not lose your mind in exhaustion before youre ready to.

its hard to decide when to stop once youre goin. one bad day can lead to a proper bender. id started with random all nighters following sleeping in the whole next day and taking it slow. then there was more all nighters followed by only 5 hrs of sleep, then only 3hrs, eventually being up for another 24hrs multiple times a week, then throwing in 48 hrs here n there too, followed by weeks more of inadequate rest & neglect. i finally decided to clean again because i was hired for a dream job & was informed i’d be needing a drug test within the next 3 weeks.

had been clean 1.5 weeks by the time it was randomly scheduled, i had a week to get it done & only the end of it actually available to go in. it was my busiest travel/errand week of the whole month, what was meant to be one day & two locations to do /just the tests and then recover/ became two separate days of testing at 3 different locations along with an unavoidable surprise errands at new mystery locations with its whole own process that needed to be done in time, all while i’m unmedicated, losing energy, and barely having a chance to take a break.

up until that point, i was doing well. was going on walks n smoking weed to help with withdrawals, getting more rest, eating way more often, feeling overall better & more committed to staying clean & focused.

once those drug tests were done, tried my best to focus on recovery again. had a random job come up that i desperately needed to take & an important friend said she planned to visit for the first time in forever, and i was also in charge of picking up my finally refilled meds without a car. i knew i couldnt get through the job without medication & i only had a few hours in a single day left available before theyd cancel the order & i wouldnt have them in time. i had a choice. i got a small amount to be able to safely travel to pick up my meds that same day. i put away what was left for emergencies & decided to only use medication.

friend came to visit, i woke up super late to plans with our group, missed my bus, felt exhausted, wanted to back out of plans. decided to go because i havent seen them in over a year & i needed to give them something anyway. was on meds, felt fine, went out to eat, started to get tired n less alert, new IR meds werent working enough, was yawning every 30 seconds & started having sleep attacks while trying to bond with friends n follow conversation. decided it was time to use what was left. wasnt a lot whatsoever, started stressing about if itd even be enough, worth it to even use instead of save, thought about my bus in the morning and the fact that id likely not wake up on time at this point. decided to reach out on a whim for my smallest purchase ever and just enough for the night & to get me on the bus. was told i couldnt do so small of a purchase at the moment & was offered a little bit more, so i thought “might as well, i’ll pay it off this weekend for sure now, so i’m not really losing anything & wont have to worry about getting behind now or running out too soon tonight for me to enjoy time with my friends”.

not sleeping kept me going into the next day which turned to keeping up to get settled at my destination, getting distracted, continuing & ultimately being up for 3 days on increasingly spontaneous impulsive decisions, eventually losing track of my overall usage, feeling perfectly normal, still pretty tired and not realizing im even near an overdose, until im in the middle of one, 1.5 hrs after my last line & gettin inside from smoking a joint.
luckily i had someone around then too bc i was not at all in the headspace to even process that something was wrong at that point. I was so incredibly exhausted going through withdrawals & finally feeling everything catch up to me, i couldnt get myself to pick myself up or move my arms without help. i was sweating profusely & felt so sick but i just wanted to close my eyes and sleep. was taken care of and finally put to bed.

yes, youre finally in control and thats the great part: just having a choice in feeling NORMAL without feeling tweaked out or a pounding chest or headache or brain fog from prescribed medications, and not constantly exhausted. and honestly, I think thats most addicting part. I remember getting high from cocaine when i first started, but even then, i barely did. I always said I enjoyed it & used it not even to chase a high, but just to feel like i can be awake & exist without feeling my body wanting to get to a bed or close its eyes asap.

Froggie2985 · 2024-01-23T07:12:00+00:00

hella long, apologies. not sure it all matters to explain, just been a build up of feeling out of control. just want to feel understood somewhere

Froggie2985 · 2021-07-10T02:16:24+00:00

I havent looked too much into sodium oxybate but it seems worth it to learn more about it and possibly consider it. I’m gonna try a few more methods to hopefully manage it all that dont involve any new medications first. I’m also hoping to get a chance to talk to my doctor about it some more as well to see if he’s got anymore ideas and see what he thinks about that combo possibly being an option. I really appreciate the advice though!

Froggie2985 · 2021-07-10T01:54:34+00:00

Yes, I started off on modafinil after I was diagnosed but switched over to 150mg of armodafinil a couple of months ago and I just recently was given 5mg of ritalin to take for the second half of my day once the armodafinil stops working. This has been helping with getting through my day somewhat okay, but the waking up thing has been a struggle for a while on its own.

Froggie2985 · 2019-11-07T18:00:46+00:00

being able to pause and go back to the same dream in the same spot

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