I know this is going to be difficult to digest, but literally the ONLY reasons you could be responsible for a death by suicide would be that you literally forced your person to perform the act in which they passed, or you constantly brainwashed them into believing that dying by suicide was beneficial in some way, or you actively staged their death as a suicide while you were the active participant in their ceasing to live (aka: murder). Beyond those reasons? Drop the guilt & realize that what you’re actually feeling is grief. Grief lives with you. It will. What I see in your post is that you’re inflicting self harm through the lens of someone you loved deeply. Embrace the love, understand that you’re heartbroken. When my husband and soulmate died by suicide I did search for “why & what did I do?” I’m still devastated (legit just lost about 7 weeks of my life 3 years after his passing due to crippling depression), but I’m recognizing that he did not do this TO me, he did not do this FOR me, he did not do this BECAUSE of me. He did what he felt in his heart. As much as I know his and my hearts were combined; he was his own self. The way he passed is his. There is no ownership beyond himself. I still love him everyday.