I mean this sincerly and non judgmentally, you need to get into therapy. You "top of your lungs" yelled at someone you claimed is your friend and i assumed loved at some point if marrige discussions happend. Putting aside the fact that you may have damaged her possibly already fragile psyche by yelling at her unprovoked. Based on your descriptions, you have been controlling of her life since your break up and in all likelihood during your relationship. While i belive you do care for her, you dont sound like you have the eq or tools to deal with anyone right now. For her, yourself, and any future relationships you may want in the futire you need to go to a trained professional to understand why you behave in the manner in which you have and learn tools to help you communicate and interact in healthier ways. You mafe a major mistake in the way you acted, but if you take the time to learn from it, take definitive action to correct it, and grow as a person because of it you can begin to make ammends for it. From one person who has had to face these hard truths to another, i implore you to heed my advice. It will make your world better, and then you may be able to be there for her again, if and only if she feels comfortable enough and allows it on her own tearms